


Secret Lover

by LittlestAi



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Depression, Kissing, M/M, Medication, Oral Sex, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2019-10-08 16:03:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17389445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlestAi/pseuds/LittlestAi
Summary: Shining Idols aren't allowed to engage in romantic activities but that doesn't stop them from falling in love. Love is never easy especially when you're dating your bandmates in secret. It's even harder for Masato when Tokiya has even more secrets.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As if Useless isn't on my mind 24/7, I came up with a new fic. I've been wanting to write TokiyaxMasato for months anyway.

“Mmm...Ichin-” 

My moans were interrupted by Tokiya's mouth slamming onto mine. He normally loves my voice but Ren could get home any minute. Even though we are alone right now, it's still risky. Was it fear of being caught? Or just that we are finally alone?

The hot water poured down both our heads; running down our faces like tears. His hands held the small of my back; pressing my chest against his. Feeling our wet skin grinding against each other only added to my already racing heart. His lips pulled away but never left me; trailing down my chin to my neck. He's careful not to leave a mark but he knows I love the affection there. 

My phone chime went off on the bathroom counter. Ren texts me when he's on his way back. Always. And that was like an alarm for us. Knowing when it was time to pull away. 

And he knew it too; pulling away with a heavy sigh. We were rarely alone. When we are, it's too short. It's always like a rush. Hurry up and kiss me before they show up. It had become a common thought. Lord, what has happened to me? 

“We need to hurry and clean up.”

Those words were so hard to say yet they flew out so easily. 

“Agreed.” 

No. He didn't. But it had to be done. 

Still scrubbing myself with a loofah wasn't easy with his naked body next time mine. Correction. His hot, wet naked body. One glance can tell me he's frustrated. He wants me. Wants to push me against the wall. Wants to be inside me. No. Needs to be inside me. A burning need. 

I had to turn away from him. His glare, his breathing and his own cleaning only turned me on further. That was a mistake. I left my back exposed to him. Well, not my back exactly. 

“Ah!” 

His hands gripped my bottom with a gentle squeeze. 

“God,” I choked out; fighting my growing lust. “We don't...no time…”

“You have no idea,” he whispered as he leaned to my ear. His cock rubbed against my bottom; causing a fire in my both my cheeks and my cock. “How tempted I am to slap it.” 

That sent shivers down my spine but the thought was not unpleasant. 

Saying that he still pulled his hand away. 

I think the both of us are going to be hiding bulges tonight. 

Once we were clean, he turned the water off and stepped out first. He wrapped a towel around himself before assisting me out of the tub. With another towel, he wiped down my body. If he could find a way to drive me crazy, he'll do it. 

“Please go get dressed,” he muttered as he looked away from my body. “Before I can't resist anymore.”

I knew better than to call his bluff. I hurried into my room and changed into something comfortable. He would have to leave soon for his own room anyway. It's getting late. 

I heard the hair dryer running in the bathroom; making sure Ren wouldn't be suspicious upon seeing us together. Having us both with damp hair would look odd. So I took a seat at my table and grabbed Tokiya's notebook from his bag. He wouldn't mind. 

I didn't want to snoop but I didn't think he would get angry. I'm only looking for the song we started. After all, that is what we are using for a cover. 

Though I don't know what page it's on. I opened the book to the first page. Tokiya has the most elegant and neat handing writing. He and Camus could have a competition. 

“My Little Little Girl” was written at the top of the page. I recognized the lyrics in elegant writing. After all, that was my favourite song of his. 

I turned the page over to see Crystal Time written at the top. This must be his songbook. That makes sense. I've seen him writing in it all the time. I flipped through the pages; recognizing the released songs. About halfway is when I stopped seeing known songs. His elegant writing started being crossed out. The whole mood of the book shifted. 

Dark wings? That doesn't sound like Tokiya. 

Still, I shouldn't look without his permission. Ignoring what I saw, I flipped on until I found the song we had started. 

The bathroom door opened and Tokiya stepped out; looking like nothing had happened. 

“I hope you don't mind,” I said but was cut off halfway by him pressing a quick kiss on my lips. “Hmm...I opened up your notebook for our song.”

“Yeah, that's fine.”

His lips formed into a gentle smile and my heart felt like it could melt. My cheeks turned a pale rosy colour. There's only one other thing that makes my heart race more than a smile from Tokiya. 

The door opened with a click. Tokiya immediately pulled back and sat across from me at the table. Ren walked into the room with a goofy smile plastered on his face. 

“Honey, I'm home.”

“Unngh. Gross.”

Tokiya snorted. 

“Oh hey there, Icchi.” 

“Ren.” 

Was that even a greeting, Tokiya? 

“How was your day, Ren?” 

“Long,” he said with a yawn; flopping onto his bed. “Been taking photos since this morning. What are you two up to?” 

“Working on a song,” I responded coldly; acting like normal. 

“Ooooh! A new duet song?” 

“That is correct.” 

“I wanna hear!” 

“It's not done yet,” I muttered; knowing he wasn't going to let it go. 

“Come on, Masa!” 

I glanced over at Tokiya. He looks fine but I could tell he's annoyed. 

“Fine. A piece.” 

Ren chuckled to himself and sat up to listen. Tokiya and I each sang a few alternating lines. Neither of us was anywhere near happy with it. 

“Can't wait to hear the rest,” he commented but I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. He yawned again and curled up in his blankets. 

“I guess I should head back,” Tokiya sighed as he stood up from the table. My heart ached at those words. 

“Night, Icchi.” 

“Night, Ren.”

I stood up and packed up his notebook. He made sure to touch my hands as he took it from me. 

“Good night, Ichinose.” 

“Good night, Masato.” 

My heart shattered as I watched him walk out the door without even a good night kiss.


	2. Roommates?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiya is temporarily sharing a room with Masato and Ren. Can they hide it?

Knock! Knock!

“Coming!”

Ren jumped up from the bed; unapologetically hurrying over in his just boxers.

I rolled over to look at my alarm clock. 8:00? Who could it be on a Saturday? We know not to try and wake Ren early unless we have work. As far as I am aware, STARISH didn't have any today.

“Oh? Icchi?”

Tokiya? What is he doing here?

“Come in.”

A very tired Ichinose shuffled in the door with a backpack hanging low on his arm.

“Come up here,” I called out to him. It was a risk to do it in front of Ren. But one, I didn't want to get up. Two, I'm worried about him.

Tokiya raised a brow but obeyed and sat on my bed. Ren yawned and flopped on his own bed but still faced us.

“What’s wrong, Ichinose?”

“A pipe burst in our bathroom,” he groaned as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Our room is flooded.”

“Oh dear.”

“Shining says it'll be two nights before it's fixed.”

“So you need somewhere to stay, Icchi?”

“Yeah. He said we have to share with you guys. Sorry to spring it on you.”

“It's alright,” Ren said with a loud yawn. “You're always welcome here.”

“Thanks.”

“But are you okay? You don't look well.”

“I didn't exactly get much sleep,” he sighed as he closed his eyes.

“Rest,” I ordered, pulling up the comforter for him to climb in.

“Masa-”

“Jinguji is already asleep,” I interrupted; not about to lose my time with him. Even if we just sleep.

He looked over at Ren but the sudden loud snoring was enough to know he was asleep.

“I guess I won't be,” he muttered; getting under the covers and grabbing me. This time together is rare and he realized that. “Sleep is for the weak.”

“I'll tuck you in early tonight,” I responded with a laugh; nuzzling myself into his arms. He kissed my forehead before resting my head under his chin.

“Looking forward to it.”

We stayed like that in silence for a few minutes. He felt so cold so I clung to him; trying to warm him up. That didn't seem to be working. I must be a glutton for punishment. An idea. A bold idea popped into my mind.

I pulled the comforter over our heads as I rolled over; placing myself on top of him.

“Masa,” he gasped as I pressed my body weight on his. It certainly took him by surprise. Honestly, myself too. When Tokiya is involved, I forget myself.

His hands slid down my body; resting on my bottom. He gave them a gentle squeeze through the fabric of my sweatpants. With a quiet laugh, I pressed my lips down on his. He smiled as I pulled away; bringing me back down for another. And another. And another.

“Geez,” I panted as he finally let me breathe. “Someone woke up in a hurry.”

I ran my hand down his chest to the bulge sticking up in his pants.

“Well I wasn't expecting someone to grind on me so early in the morning,” he whispered; purposely raising his hips so his cock is in my hand. “Besides I'm not the only one who is awake.”

My cheeks turned a rosy shade as I realized he was right. There's definitely an erection forming and pressing on his thigh. Whoops. This was a mistake. We're both hard, hiding under a blanket and Ren is right there. Dealing with this is going to be tricky. He's a deep sleeper but how much time do we have?

“Masa,” he whispered; grinding his hips into my hand. “Please.”

“Make it quick,” I muttered even though I'm the one taking care of him. It's my fault after all.

I slid my body down to his crotch; my hand slowly stroking him. He covered his mouth with his hand as I dragged my lips across the shaft. As much as I wanted to make him moan, neither of us could make a sound.

I took him in my mouth; sucking gently. My hands stroked the base as my lips pushed further down. He's twitching inside; trying not to buck his hips. It's a struggle. Don't squirm. Don't moan. Don't move. He's fighting a moan. I could tell.

“Masa,” he hissed as I increased my speed. That was all it took. He came to his orgasm, letting it out in my mouth.

I'm not particularly good at that part; spitting it out.

“Sorry,” he mumbled; looking away with rosy cheeks.

Damn, that's cute. My heart flipped in my chest.

“It's alright.”

I peered out of the blanket at my roommate. He's still snoring away. Do we have time for my turn?

Woah!

Tokiya rolled over to his side; taking me with him. His back is now to Ren while mine is pressing against his chest. He rested his chin on my shoulder so he could whisper into my ear. One of his hands slid into my pants while the other held me in place.

“Tell me, Masa,” he whispered before kissing my ear. “What do you want me to do?”

My cheeks absolutely burned. I know he's asking what do I dream about. What I think about when it's just the two of us. What I'm picturing when I relieve myself.

“You...on top of me…”

“Oh?”

His hand wrapped around the base of my cock.

“Tell me.”

“You...with your mouth...around my-oh god Tokiya!”

I couldn't fight that cry as he started stroking me.

“Careful. You'll wake him up.”

My hands immediately flew to cover my mouth. I would have to tell him my fantasy another time. He's changed tactics anyway; whispering things he wants to do with me in my ear. My cock throbs in his hand as I picture all these things. Somehow this is even more embarrassing.

I couldn't take it anymore; cumming into his hand. With a chuckle, he pulled back the blanket to grab a tissue from the nightstand.

“Shoot!”

“What's wrong?”

He didn't answer; jumping up from the bed and hurrying to the bathroom. The shower started running immediately.

“Hmmm...Masa…”

Oh. Ren was stirring. That would explain his sudden panic.

Before Ren could wake up, I cleaned myself up with a tissue.

Just in time too. Ren rolled over with a groan before sitting up.

“Been up long?"

“Not really.”

Being vague is easier than lying to him.

“Where's Icchi?”

“Shower I guess.”

“Wonder if he went back to sleep?”

“I can't say for sure.”

“Do you mind if I shower next?”

“Go right ahead.”

That's more alone time with Tokiya for me. Dammit. I need to stop thinking things like that.

Tokiya stepped out of the bathroom with a black towel around him. He carried his clothes in a neat pile. He must have brought that towel with him. Ours are blue and white.

“Ungh,” he groaned as he went over to his bag on the couch. “Forgot my clothes.”

Ren just responded with a weak laugh before heading to shower himself.

I get to watch Tokiya changing. My cheeks turned that rosy shade again at the thought. Seriously, who am I?

He didn't seem to notice, sitting on the couch as he dried himself off. Watching him without getting turned on again was not easy. Not with him rubbing down his body with a towel. Or his elegant movements as he pulled a black shirt over his head.

Oh but the worse part? Watching him struggle into some tight black pants. I have never thought about grabbing at someone before. I feel like a pervert but I couldn't fight the feeling. Not when he's so beautiful….and mine.

Oh. Screw it! Why not throw all caution into the wind?

“Come here.”

“Coming,” he replied as he shuffled over to me. Damn those pants are really tight. “What?”

My hand reached out behind him; giving his butt a squeeze.

“Masato!”

His face turned completely red with surprise and embarrassment. Hah! Payback for what you do to me.

“What's gotten into you this morning? Not that I'm complaining.”

“I would like to know myself.”

The water turned off in the bathroom.

“I'll meet you in the cafeteria,” he sighed before quickly pecking my lips.

He grabbed his phone and left without another word. Ren came out without even a towel on. Again.

“One day will you ever not walk out naked?”

“Nope. Oh, where did Icchi go?”

“You know we have a guest and you still walk out naked?”

“My room. He can deal.”

I just rolled my eyes in response.

“He said he'll meet us for breakfast.”

“Cool. The shower is all yours.”

“Thank you.”

I left to take my turn in the water. Cold water. Especially since I couldn't stop thinking about those pants.

\----

I couldn't help but smile as I spotted Tokiya already seated. He didn't order any food but elegantly held a mug in his hands. I know he's a tea drinker but that's definitely coffee.

Syo pulled up across from him with a breakfast tray. Natsuki pulled up beside him. Cecil and Otoya stood in line with empty trays. Ren joined them and I followed suit. I only ordered a green tea and melon pan.

I grabbed a seat next to Tokiya while Ren took the other side. Cecil grabbed one next to Natsuki and Otoya took one next to Syo.

“My feet were so wet,” Otoya whined as he retold the story of Tokiya waking him up at three in the morning. “Such a disaster.”

Wait? 3 am? He didn't come to us until eight. Did he wait all that time for us? Is that why he's so tired?

He didn't say a word but continued drinking his coffee. Otoya and Syo moved onto talking about soccer. Ren sipped his coffee with an amused grin.

“What are everyone's plans for today?”

“I'm gonna bake cookies,” Natsuki sang happily; earning a groan from Syo.

“I'm glad I have a photoshoot today,” Ren chuckled as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“I've got a variety show today,” Cecil chimed in.

“I've got a free day,” Otoya sighed before biting into an apple. “Might hit the gym.”

“I've got filming for that new drama,” I added; looking over to my right. “What about you, Ichinose?”

“Oh. Filming and I've got a recording in the studio,” he replied like he had no idea of the conversation.

“New song in the works?”

“Yes “

“Oooh! I'm excited to hear,” Natsuki cheered as he clapped his hands.

“It's not anywhere done,” he muttered as he checked his watch. “Speaking of which, I need to get going.”

“Later, Icchi.”

“Have a good day.”

“See you tonight?”

He just smiled and waved; hurrying out the door.

The conversation continued but I didn't take part. I listened but my mouth was busy with eating. My mind wandered over to watching Tokiya leave. Or rather watching Tokiya's ass in those pants. I could feel the warmth rising in my cheeks.

“Are you alright, Masa?”

Ren gently placed his hand on my forehead. His hand was warm. Unlike the usual cool touch of Tokiya's.

“Your face is getting red,” he noted as he pulled it away. “Are you getting a fever?”

Curse Ren and his surprising observation skills.

“No. I'm fine.”

“If you say so.”

\-----

It wasn't so much filming day as it prep day. The stylist spent the first few hours making me change like a hundred times. She acted like it was a puzzle; assembling clothes and accessories. Even taking pictures to compare.

The next hour was spent going over the drama with the director. He claimed he had a certain vision for the story. And he chose us specifically for it. I'm not sure why. Neither I or my co-star had ever been in a piece like this.

I've only been in a few historical dramas with no leading roles. This is my first time as the star. The story took place in modern times. It's interesting how different yet similar I am to the main character. A rich son of huge company. One that doesn't want to take it over. But unlike myself, he's a rebel. A bad boy. Edgy. A role I’m not sure I could fill.

It's a classic rich boy meets poor girl drama. Much more romance than I've ever done before

“Hey, Masato.”

My co-star walked into our dressing room; grabbing a seat next to me.

“Hello, Aiya. How are you?”

“I'm getting more nervous. I've never been the lead in a romance drama before.”

“Me either.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“That's surprising,” she mused as she fiddled with a piece of hair. “But you've acted in a romantic piece before.”

“I was really uncomfortable at first. Don't worry. It's normal.”

“How did you get through it?”

“I have some amazing friends,” I chuckled in memory. “They rehearsed it with me.”

Its funny how it was Tokiya was the one dressed as a woman embracing me. Now he's my boyfriend. Hugging and kissing him is no longer an issue.

“I'm just as nervous as you,” I continued with a gentle smile towards her. “I heard it helps to picture someone you like.”

Would picturing her as Tokiya help? Or just make it more embarrassing?

“Do you have a girl you like?”

“I do not.”

It's not technically a lie.

“I see.”

She looked down at her phone.

“You both are needed on set,” a staff member called as he poked his head on the door.

“Coming.”

\-----

“How was your day, Masa?”

“Long.”

I took a seat on the sofa; taking off my sweater. “Ichinose not back yet?”

“Nope.”

“I'll text him.”

I pulled out my phone, opening up my messages. He and Ren were always my top texts.

'Will you be back soon? Jinguji wants to get dinner.'

A reply came quickly after.

'Working late. Enjoy dinner. Don't wait up for me.'

“He's working late,” I sighed; my heart feeling heavy. It's hard. Having him stay here but not actually be here. I wanna see him. Hold him. Kiss him.

“Let's go get dinner then.”

“Alright.”

\-----

After dinner, Tokiya was not back yet. Even after both Ren and I showered, he wasn't back yet.

“Hey, Jinguji.”

“Yes, Masa?”

“Do you want to see my outfits for the drama?”

Ren, ever the fashionista, hopped onto my bed. I handed him my phone; watching him flip through the photos.

“Wow! Bad boy Masa! Me like!”

I couldn't tell what I was groaning more for. Him liking it or bad grammar.

“Ooh. Jacket open. No shirt.”

“That's not going to be easy to get used to.”

“You look so good though!”

I can't lie. I debated sending that picture to Tokiya.

Speaking of Tokiya, it's almost midnight. Where is he?

The door creaked open as a quiet Tokiya crept into the room.

“Oh. You two are still up.”

“Welcome back, Icchi.”

“You sure worked late.”

“I've had a lot of work scheduled for today,” he sighed as he looked down at his shoes.

“Bet you're dying to get out of those pants,” Ren chuckled as he gestured to his crotch. He wasn't hard by any means. Ren is just teasing him; totally understanding wearing tight pants as an idol. “Need assistance?”

“I’d rather Masato help me,” he boldly teased Ren in return. Though in actuality, it's directed at me. My cheeks burnt at the thought. Not that I haven't been dreaming of those pants all day.

“Ichinose, please!”

He chuckled and grabbed his backpack, taking it to the bathroom.

“Too bad, I'd love to strip him.”

“Jinguji!”

I picked up my pillow and hit him with it. Embarrassment, jealous or possession?

He chuckled and ran to his own bed. “So violent.”

“Go to bed, Jinguji.”

He just continued laughing.

“Do I wanna know?”

Tokiya walked out with wet hair; wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Jinguji is being a pervert.”

“Look at him! He's gorgeous! What's wrong with me trying to get him out of his pants?”

Tokiya cringed. Full on cringed.

He quickly walked over to my bed; pretending to hide behind me.

“Aww!”

“And I repeat I'd prefer Masa.”

I wrapped my arms around him; playing protective. And that I hoped Ren thought we were just playing around. It probably looked obvious. But there is something to be said about hiding in plain sight.

“Wow. I'm jealous.”

“Can I actually get to bed? And not worry about losing my pants in the middle of the night?”

“You're no fun, Icchi.”

“Tired.”

“I did promise to tuck you in early but it's pretty late,” I muttered as I picked up the pillow I hit Ren with.

“True.”

I got up and placed the pillow on the sofa before grabbing my extra comforter.

“I hope you'll be comfortable here.”

“Honestly, Masa,” he yawned as he laid his head on the pillow. “I'm tired enough I could pass out on the floor.”

I just responded with a laugh; covering him with the comforter.

“Night, Icchi.”

“Good night, Ren. Masato.”

Using the back of the sofa as a cover, I lowered my head to kiss him goodnight.

“Good night, Ichinose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I typed for Masa to tell Tokiya "I'll tuck you in early tonight." My phone corrected it to "I'll fuck you in early tonight."  
> Oh, I'm sure you will, Masa.


	3. The New Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new song? Great news. except when the man who wrote it isn't there.

My eyes fluttered open after feeling my bed move underneath me. Everything was hazy. It's not dark but I don't feel ready to wake up. All I could see was figure getting up from the bed. 

Tokiya...was Tokiya in my bed? Or was it Ren? 

My eyes followed the figure until it disappeared and everything went black again.   
\---

Tokiya was already gone by the time I woke up. It's one of those rare days were Ren is up before me. Then again, he has work before I do today. 

I don't know why I feel so tired today. Normally, I don't stay up past midnight but it's not the first time. I slept well yet my eyes feel so heavy. I'm never this sluggish in the morning. Even Ren left for the cafeteria before me. 

“Finally, Masa,” Ren called out as soon as I entered the cafeteria. “I got you a melon pan.”

“Thank you,” I replied as I took a seat next to him. Everyone is seated around the table. Well everyone except Tokiya. I thought he would be here by now. 

I bit into my bread and listened to what everyone was talking about. Syo was cast in a new movie. He, Otoya, Natsuki and Cecil were eagerly discussing the role. He's super excited about playing a superhero. 

Ren wasn't saying anything but I could tell he's watching me. He's curious about something and won't say what it is. 

“Hey, Tokiya!”

Otoya looked up and waved like a happy child. 

I looked behind me to see Tokiya smile and wave; heading over the counter. He returned with a mug of coffee and no food. Again. 

He took a seat in the empty chair across from me. I smiled and he smiled in return. Looking his face over, he looked more tired than yesterday. The purplish hue under his eyes is even stronger. He looks paler than normal. His eyes are red. Was he crying? Or just tired? No one looked his way; it going unnoticed. 

“Hey Icchi,” Ren snarked toward him. “I saw you in bed with Masato this morning.” 

“WHAT?” 

All the other members turned their heads like they just heard the most outrageous thing. 

I could tell Ren was angry though I don't know why. But I'm more worried that we have been caught. He found us. He saw us. He found we were lovers. 

... wait? When did Tokiya crawl in bed with me? 

“So I've learned Ren will sleep through anything,” Tokiya taunted back; elegant yet defensive. Opposite of Ren's unfair anger. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I'm surprised you didn't hear him.” 

“Why? What was I was doing?” 

“You were having a bad nightmare,” he explained, looking at me like he didn't want to see Ren. “You cried and screamed; even thrashing around. Holding you was the only thing that I could do to calm you down.”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” I muttered; looking down at the table. It's my fault he's tired. My fault Ren is angry. My fault. 

I don't even remember having it. 

“Don't worry. I'm glad you're alright,” he sighed as sipped his coffee. “I would have gone back to the couch but I was worried about you.” 

“I'm sorry.” 

“Masato,” he said firmly as he grabbed my hand; squeezing it gently. “You have nothing to apologize for. “ 

“But--” 

He squeezed my hand again to stop me. 

Ren looked over to me apologetically but not Tokiya. “Masato...I'm sorry.”

“Don't worry about it,” I muttered; hating the attention. “I don't even remember it.” 

Tokiya pulled his hand away gently. “Well if you're alright, I have to get to work.” 

“Thank you, Ichinose.” 

He smiled and waved but no one said goodbye to him

\-----

Today was the first day of filming the new drama. I didn't get to show Tokiya the pictures last night. or talk to him about filming. He's been on my mind all my morning. I'm so worried about him. He looked absolutely exhausted. 

“Masato, can you lean up against the wall?”

I backed up against the wall of the set; adjusting the leather jacket.

“No, no,” the director called out as he waved his arms around. “Can you look cooler?” 

Cool? Cool? Ren's considered cool right? He could be considered the bad boy type, I think. I remembered one of this photoshoots and tried to copy his pose. 

“Still not feeling it. It needs to be cooler.”

This role seriously isn't for me. How does he think I can pull off the bad boy look? 

I could try and copy Kurosaki-senpai. He's beyond cool and the type they want. But there's no way I could pull that off. No one wears a leather jacket like he does. 

No, wait. 

“Yes, that's it, Masato!” 

Oh. What? Oh. I was thinking about Tokiya; subconsciously copying him. That one time he wore a leather jacket. God, that was hot. I'd have to ask him to wear it again. 

“Look down at Aiya. Start saying your lines.” 

“What's a little flower like you doing down here?” 

With lines like that, I swear I was Ren. Am I actually playing Jinguji? 

“Perfect! Let's keeping rolling!” 

\----- 

Another long day on set was over. We managed to film a chunk of the downtown scenes today. So that left me with a few days free of filming. Good thing too. Nanami just announced a new song for STARISH. Tokiya apparently wrote the lyrics already. Even choreography was finished. Shining moves fast. We're to perform it at the end of next week. 

I don't have filming until next week so I'm free to rehearse. Ren has no work lined up currently. Neither does Natsuki. Syo's movie doesn't start filming for three weeks. Cecil's variety show only films two afternoons a week. The only person who is a problem is Tokiya. We never see him lately. 

So that meant we now have a practice room booked every day until then. Tonight is the only night we don't have it. 

“A week of dancing,” Ren whined as he flopped face first into his pillow. “I'm gonna be sore.”

“Not to mention we have to practice singing in between,” I added in, sitting next to him. “And still record it.” 

“Two weeks is not enough.” 

He groaned into his pillow; seemingly exhausted from his modelling work earlier. 

I reached up to touch his back; rubbing my hand in gentle circles. 

“You okay?” 

He made a noise of content. I took that as a sign to continue. Not that I minded. I enjoy taking care of my friends. Ren's been stressed out lately. I could tell. But he wouldn't show it to me. I just knew. 

The door opened and Tokiya shuffled in; a black hood covering his face. 

“Late night at work again, Ichinose?” 

“Yeah.” 

“You must be exhausted.” 

“I am.”

Like Ren, he flopped face first onto the pillow I gave him last night. Ren sighed as I got up; switching myself to the sofa. My hand moved to the top of his head; stroking his hair through the fabric of the hood. The noise he made was different from Ren's. It wasn't relaxed or content. More of a whine. A muffled whine quiet enough that I don't think Ren heard it.

Ren groaned as he got up from his bed; coming over to sit on the arm of the sofa. 

“Anything we can do to help, Icchi?” 

“Not really.”

“Are you sure you're okay?” 

“I'm fine.” 

I didn't believe him for a second but I didn't have time to argue. 

Knock! Knock! 

Ren got up and opened the door; grinning at Ringo in the doorway. 

“A late night visit from Sensei,” he teased; earning a roll of his eyes. 

“Alas I'm not here for you, Ren,” he sighed in that playful overly dramatic tone. “I'm here for Tokiya.”

“Disappointing.” 

Tokiya unhappily sat himself up. “Yes?” 

“Good news! They finished fixing up your room so you can move back in early!” 

Tokiya couldn't help but sigh in relief. I couldn't help but feel sad that he's leaving.

“Night boys!” 

Ringo waved and hurried off; probably wanting to go to bed himself.

“I'll walk you back,” I announced as I watched Tokiya pack up his bag. It's not even a far wall. Just down the hall. But still. I wanted to be alone with him. 

“Thanks.” 

Those few steps towards his dorm felt painfully quick. I so badly wanted to kiss him but I can't. It's too risky. 

He knew it; giving my hand a squeeze instead. 

I gave him a gentle smile in return. “Please get some sleep.” 

“I will.” 

He shut the door behind him and I had to stop myself from crying. 

\------

“Good morning, Nanami.” 

“Good morning, Masato.” 

Haruka stood up from her piano; greeting the six STARISH members as they entered the room. 

“Shall we start memorizing the lyrics?” 

“Wait,” Cecil said as he looked around. “Where's Tokiya?” 

“He said he's working today,” Otoya replied with a worried expression. “He was gone before I even woke up.”.

“That could be tricky,” Haruka mumbled as he looked at her papers. “He wrote this song. And there is a lot of high notes. Usually, he sings those.” 

“How can we learn without hearing it?”

“I do have a recording of him,” she mentioned, pulling out her phone. “It'll have to do for now.”

“Let's hear it then.”

The song is absolutely beautiful. Tokiya's solo voice rang through the phone; singing a song about loving you forever. Haruka was right. This song showed off Tokiya's vocal skills. The song probably didn't need us. It should be a Tokiya song. 

My heart flipped as I listened to the song. His voice was always something that affected me. But hearing him sing “I'll love you until time breaks itself” almost made me tear up. He's a songwriter by profession but I couldn't help but think he wrote it about me.

“Shocking,” Syo barked like he's irritated already. “Tokiya writes this amazing song.” 

“It's so beautiful,” Natsuki sang with a huge smile. “The fans will go crazy for it.”

“True.”

“I guess we better get to work.” 

“Yes.”   
“Alright.”   
“Sure!”   
“Okay!”   
“You got it!”

 

The morning and some of the afternoon was spent going over the lyrics; learning whose lines are whose. Tokiya had made a colour coded sheet for us; making it easier to learn without him. Though we still had to check his recording several times. 

We, for the most part, have the lyrics memorized. It's just the vocals and learning the dance. 

“Let's give out voices a break,” Natsuki announced after a quick lunch break. “And practice the dance.” 

“Sounds good.” 

With cheers from Haruka, we practiced the dance until ten. Everyone is hot and sweaty and straight up tired. It's been a long day of work. And we've barely got it down. Especially being one man short. 

“Good work, everyone,” Haruka announced as we began to pack up for the night. She is the best encouragement we have; motivating us to push forward. “See you tomorrow.” 

“Good night, Haruka!”   
“See you tomorrow!”   
“Sweet dreams, little lamb.”  
“Goodnight, Nanami.” 

With a smile and giggle, she left the room. 

We soon followed suit, heading back to our dorms. I checked my phone but no response from Tokiya. 

Otoya opened his door; being serval steps ahead of Ren and me. 

“He's not back yet,” he called out to us before returning to his room. 

“I wonder what he's doing so late?” 

“I can't say for certain.” 

“Whatever, bedtime,” Ren groaned before immediately passing out on his bed. 

I took my phone with me into the bathroom; turning on the water. There wasn't an answer when I tried to call Tokiya. He must be working away from his phone, right? 

My chest hurt. I don't know why. For now, shower and off to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Tokiya


	4. The Most Terrifying Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Masato was right to worry about Tokiya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. This fic is turning out to be really sad. Kinda living for it though.

“Wow, Masa,” Natsuki praised with a huge smile. “You've memorized the song already.”

“Well, we don't have a lot of time.”

 

Mostly because it was Tokiya. I've heard the song in my head all night. I replayed his voice over and over; wanting to hear him say that line again.  Naturally, I picked up the lyrics rather quickly.

“Then you can help us,” Syo groaned as he flopped into a chair. He's frustrated; struggling the most with the new song.  

“You're trying too hard,” I noted; sitting next to him. “Sing like you.”

“I guess so.” 

“Try again.”

“You can do it, Syo,” Natsuki assured him; handing him a Piyo-chan plush.

He held it tight for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Alright. Let's do this.”

Another day of singing and dancing done; full of hard work.  Every member has got the lyrics down. And some of the choreography. It's mainly the vocals that have been the problem. Trying to match Tokiya's skills and talent has everyone frustrated. And he's not here to help us with his vision for the song. 

“Good work,” Haruka called out before she opened the door to leave. “O-oh Ichinose!”

Tokiya stood in the doorway; breathing heavily.

“You're finally here,” Syo grumbled as he picked up his bag.

“We're just finishing up,” Otoya announced with slight sadness. 

“I'm sorry,” Tokiya mumbled; running a hand through his hair. 

“It's not your fault,” Natsuki replied; patting the other’s shoulder. “You have work.” 

“Maybe tomorrow,” Cecil agreed with a yawn.

“Meet you back in the dorm,” Otoya called out before heading out.

“I'll be there in a minute,” Tokiya replied rather quietly. 

Everyone else had grabbed their stuff and left for their dorms.  I waited until they were out of earshot to shut the door. He wrapped his arms around my waist; pulling me so I pressed against him.

“I missed you,” I whispered, reaching up to cup his cheek. Examining his face, I could see his dark circles and red eyes. He's exhausted. I'm worried.

“I missed you too,” he whispered in return. “I've been dying to hold you.”

His voice doesn't sound right. Like it's sore and raspy.

“What happened to your voice?”

“I've been singing all day,” he mumbled; looking away from me.

“Let me help but first…”

I trailed off; pulling him down to kiss me.

“Come,” I ordered as I pulled away.

He followed me out of the practice room and down to the community kitchen. With the cafeteria, it doesn't get used a lot. He grabbed a seat on one of the bar stools; watching me as I got the kettle heating. I poured the hot water into two mugs, added some tea and dumped a half a bottle of honey in his.

“I'm spoiled,” he mused as he took the mug from me.

“Because you're mine,” I whispered as I took a seat next to him. “Drink your tea. While you're doing that, I'll tell you how practice is going..”

We went over the song, though I didn't allow him to sing. But at least, I can help the others with his insight. I didn't want this to end but he's tired. It's very late.  It's past midnight.

“We need to get you to bed,” I announced as I stood up; putting the mugs in the sink.

“I suppose.”

He stood up and looked around, sneaking in a quick kiss. Now I know something is up. Normally he would never risk it.

He walked beside me; stopping in front of my door.

“Good night, Ichinose.”

“Good night, beautiful,” he whispered before continuing down the hall.

With a smile, I opened the door to see Ren sitting on the sofa.

“I'd thought you would be asleep by now.”

“You're late,” he muttered, crossing his arms. “Where were you?”

“I stayed back to talk with Tokiya,” I replied; not looking at him as I changed into my pajamas. “About the new song.”

“I see.”

I know he's angry but I have no idea why. And I'm not sure I want to. 

“Good night, Masato.”

“Good night, Jinguji.”

\-----

The rest of the week and the next week was much the same. We spent all day singing and dancing the new song. After talking with Tokiya, I was able to help everyone catch up. The lyrics are memorized as is the choreography. It's mostly just practicing the vocals and dance together. Kind of difficult to do when you're missing a member.

Tokiya was practically a ghost. We never saw him. Only a few nights did he arrive, just in time for us to be finishing up. Even his vocals had to be recorded separately in the studio. The others are frustrated but nothing can be done. He's working.

But now it's the last day before we perform it on tv tomorrow. It's about three and we still have hours left in the practice room.

The door burst open and Tokiya stood in the door; completely out of breath.

“You made it,” Otoya cheered with a big smile.

“I'm so glad we can finally sing together,” Natsuki agreed; clapping his hands.

“Did you run here?”

“Yeah,” Tokiya panted as he tried to catch his breath. “I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer.”

“Grab some water,” I suggested as I handed him a water bottle.

“Then let's get started.”

He nodded and took a long swig of water; placing the bottle back on the chair.

We started our dance before the vocals started. Everything seemed to be going well. Somehow in sync despite missing a member while learning the song. That is until we got to the bridge. Tokiya's solo part. His high notes.

Something I have never heard before happened. Tokiya's voice cracked. Like it almost disappeared.

“Woah, Ichi. What happened there?”

“Sorry,” was all he would reply.

We replayed that part and it happened again.

“Grab another drink,” I told him; patting his back. “Let's start over.”

He nodded and drained the remaining water from the bottle.

As we started again, his voice seemed fine again. Until we reached that same high note. Now he's coughing. A hard cough. 

“Seriously,” Otoya questioned as he grabbed Tokiya's arm. “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine,” he muttered as grabbed another bottle of water. “I guess I strained my voice at the recording.”

He literally guzzled down the entire bottle of water before we started again. But again, he started another coughing fit. After  He assured us he's fine so we started once more.

But on that note, he coughed even harder.

“Seriously, Tokiya,” Syo started to fuss; cut off by another strong cough.

Tokiya fell to his knees as he continued to cough; blood spilling out of his mouth

“Tokiya!”

Tears ran down my cheeks as I dashed to him; wrapping my arms around him. Now I could hear how much he's struggling to breathe.

“Get help,” I shouted to the others as I tried to soothe him.

Ren bolted out the door as fast as he could; almost immediately returning with Kurosaki-senpai.

Ranmaru knelt down; taking Tokiya from me and held him on his shoulder.

“Shh, it's alright Tokiya,” he cooed as he cradled him. “Reiji called an ambulance. We’ll go to the hospital with you.”

Seconds later, two paramedics ran in with a stretcher. They put Tokiya on it and carried him out.

“You go,” Ranmaru said to Reiji as he gestured to me. “I'll take care of this one. Then meet you there.”

Reiji nodded and followed the paramedics.

Ranmaru immediately held me; letting me bury my face in his shoulder. I couldn't fight the tears; sobbing loudly. My heart is pounding and my mind is racing. Watching my lover unable to breathe was the most terrifying thing I have ever seen.

“Masato is really upset,” Cecil said; pointing out the obvious.

“It was really scary,” Ren sighed as he watched me cry. “He's terrified.”

Everyone else stood around; at loss of what to do. Otoya and I were in the only ones showing tears. I couldn't stop myself.

“Shh. Shh,” Ranmaru tried to soothe me; rocking me back and forth. He’s not telling me it’s gonna be alright. He doesn’t know if it will be. And I know it.

It took several minutes for me to stop sobbing uncontrollably. “That's good, baby.”

He stood up slowly as he helped me stand up.

“I think it's best if you guys do something to keep yourself busy,” he told us, not letting going of me. “Go do something fun. We'll call you when we have news.”

“Alright,” Ren agreed; deciding to take control in this situation. “Why don't we go all shower and meet up for lunch?”

Everyone else and left the room; their expressions looking lost. No one knew what to feel. It's terrifying. It's sad. Should we be angry? Confused? worried?

“Come on, Masato,” Ranmaru said softly; guiding me back to my room. He sat on my bed; laying me down so my head's in his lap. His large hands stroked my hair in the most surprisingly soft touch. “You need to calm down, okay?”

“I'm scared,” I mumbled as I buried my face into his thigh.

“He wouldn't want to you to be like this,” he sighed; continuing to comfort me. “You need to be strong for him. He needs you guys right now.”

He began to sing quietly; completely ignoring Ren changing. His focus was entirely on calming me down. And he didn't stop singing until I stopped crying.

“Are you alright now?”

“Not particularly.”

“Will you be okay with the group?”

“He needs you more than I do.”

“I'll call as soon as I know. Promise.”

He ruffled my hair before I let him get up; watching him leave in a hurry. He's surprisingly caring. You wouldn't know he could be like that.

“Let's go, Masa,” Ren ordered; grabbing and pulling my arm.

“Fine….”

\----

Getting through lunch wasn't easy. We went to a public place to force us from not talking about him. A few groups of girls would whisper around us; commenting about seeing STARISH. But that also meant whispering about where Tokiya is. Natsuki would squeeze my shoulder at the mention of his name. Ren would wink at them to get them to giggle and turn away.

Coming up with other conversation wasn't easy either. No talk about our new song. Or anything STARISH related. Syo went on and on about everything possible about his movie to distract us. Ren even had me showing off the pictures from the drama.  

“Masato in leather, Dammnn.”

Syo whistled at me causing my cheeks to burn.

“I feel like you stole from Ren's closet,” Cecil commented at one of the pictures.

“I'm pretty sure I own that shirt,” Ren agreed with a chuckle. It's true. I knew he did when they put it on me. “How are you finding it so far?”

“Playing the bad boy role is tough.”

“You'll be fine,” Natsuki assured as he looked through the photos. “Just copy Ren.”

“Actually, I did copy Ren,” I chuckled (or tried to). “They said it wasn't cool enough.”

“Ouch!”

“How did you get through it?”

“I tried copyi--”

I cut myself off as memories of Tokiya flew into mind. Only it wasn't the leather jacket I was thinking of. 

Ren sighed with sadness in his voice before patting my shoulder.

“Maybe it's time we head back to the agency.”

“I know,” Otoya announced as he jumped up from his seat. “Let's have a movie marathon!”

“Good idea, Otoya.”

\---

We got permission to use one of the media rooms for it. Granted, I don't think anyone would deny us right now.

Otoya supplied the group with soda candy and chips while Natsuki and I distracted ourselves with making finger foods. Ren made several bowls of popcorn in the meantime. Syo and Cecil were the runners; carrying things out to out the room.

“What movie should we watch?”

“Why don't we just go collect everyone's DVDs? And choose from there.”

“Good idea. "

Cecil didn't have any DVDs so first was Natsuki and Syo's room. The stack of Prince of Fighting DVDs was first to enter the pile with a few other action movies. Natsuki added mostly animated movies featuring animals or fairies. Mine and Ren's was next. I mostly had a few historical or foreign dramas to add. Ren had a bigger collection; a mix of drama, foreign, romance and mystery.

“Mine’s next,” Otoya announced as we popped into his dorm. “Just got to find them.”

He's not the most organized person so we know we'll be here for a few minutes. We're watching him dig around the room; pretending he lives here alone.

The door opened and Kotobuki-senpai crept into the room.

“Oh. I didn't think you guys would be in here.”

He tilted his head and gave us that signature Reiji smile but it was fake. There is a mask of worry covering him. He's never worried. And that is terrifying.

“I'm just grabbing some DVDs for movie night,” Otoya replied, curious as to why his former roommate was here. “Getting some of Tokiya's things?” 

“Yup.”

“How is he?”

“He's in a stable condition now.” 

He stood there like he's waiting for us to leave. That curiosity just made us stay longer. We're watching and he knows. He checked his watch; knowing he doesn't have time to waste.

He began looking around Tokiya's side of the room; opening every drawer. There must be something important. He's digging through everything. Even in the bathroom; opening up the medicine cabinet. The last thing was Tokiya's desk where he spends most of his time. 

He opened the drawers and lifted everything in and around the desk.

“What are you looking for, Senpai?”

Reiji didn't answer Otoya, continuing to rummage around the desk. He picked up all the books one by one until one rattled. How could a book rattle?

He lifted the front cover of the book. Only it's not a book. It's a decorative box made to look like a regular book on the shelf.

“I always thought that was an old book,” he muttered as he pulled out the contents. “Aha!”

In his hands were subscription pill bottles. Three of them.

“Senpai? What are those?”

Otoya looked the most confused. He's Tokiya's roommate. He had no idea. Never seen them before.

“It's best you pretend you didn't see,” Reiji announced in a clearly stressed voice.

“Can we see him?”

“Visiting hours are over,” he explained as he stopped in the doorway. “Besides, you  have work tomorrow.”

He hurried off without another word.

My mind was racing. What are those pills? Why does he have them? Why did he hide them?

“Let's go,” Otoya practically shouted; trying to hide being upset.

Everyone followed him out the door; trying to pretend like nothing happening today.

 

Yeah. That didn't work for me.


	5. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys visit the Tokiya in the hospital.

“Boys! Boys! Boys!”

We rarely see Shining on the job but here he was; bursting into our dressing room. He definitely is still flashy and showy but he wasn't his usual self.  But I could tell he's trying not to make us stress.

“What do guys want to do? Perform the new song?” 

 

“That song is his song,” Syo muttered as he stared down at his vanity table. “We don't even belong in it. Let alone singing it without him.” 

 

“I hate to say it but I agree with Shorty,” Ren sighed as he's doing his makeup. 

 

“Alright. You'll have to perform other songs. Code T.V.U. for sure. What about Double Wish?” 

 

“I don't think Masato can sing,” Ren replied before I got a chance to answer. 

 

“What's wrong with Masato now?” 

 

“His throat is sore from cr-” 

 

“I'll be fine, Jinguji.” 

 

He wasn't wrong. I cried all night and hurt my throat. 

 

“Are you sure?’

 

“We cannot let the fans down,” I said firmly; trying to hide my sore throat. “That's the important thing.” 

 

“Well said, little Masato,” Shining agreed as snapped his fingers. “We'll do a bunch of group songs so hopefully they don't notice too much. Go crazy! Put on the best show!” 

 

He left after that pep talk; going off to the staff to set up our lineup. 

 

We started with Double Wish so I could rest my voice while Code T.V.U. playing. Then we did Amazing Love then resting again with Go! x2 Jet Coaster.

 

The finale was the tough part. If we do a STARISH song, it's more obvious that Tokiya is missing. We don't have any other new songs ready to perform either. 

 

Otoya made the suggestion we do an improv song. He could bring out his guitar and make up the chords. Then a few of us could take themes from the audience and make up a song as we go. 

 

Shining beamed at the idea; having us tell the audience it was a trial run of a new tv show. It was agreed that Natsuki Ren and Cecil were the ones coming up with one spot lyrics with Otoya's guitar playing. Syo and I are the MC's going with mics to the audience for their ideas. 

 

It really was a genius idea to Otoya's credit. The audience loved it and we had a blast. It was a good temporary distraction for us. At least no one asked the feared question. 

 

“I've gotta go,” Cecil announced as we left for the dressing room. “Filming starts in an hour. I'll have to change when I get there.” 

 

“Later, Cecil!” 

 

He waved as he dashed off to his ride. 

 

The rest of us didn't have any other work for today. We're all putting off going back to the dorms; taking our time to get changed. 

 

“Hey boys,” Ringo called out as he popped his head into the door. “Are you wanting to stop by the hospital? I'm on my way there so I thought I'd stop by if you wanted to come.” 

 

“I do,” I said immediately before anyone could deny me. 

 

“I'll come too,” Ren agreed. 

 

“Of course we're coming,” Natsuki cheered as he grabbed Syo who grumbled in annoyance. 

 

“I'm going.” 

 

“All of you? Alright, meet me in five minutes.” 

 

He scurried off to the tell the driver the change of plans. The rest of us finally started changing before heading off to the car. 

 

It wasn't a long drive but a hard one. Syo was whining about everything. Natsuki just let him. Otoya is just as shaky as I am. Ren never once let go of my hand until we stepped out of the car.

 

Ranmaru stood in the lobby to greet us. 

 

“You're here too, senpai?” 

 

“We’re all here,” he sighed as he started walking to the elevator. “We never left.” 

 

He gave my shoulder a  comforting squeeze in the elevator.  I don't know how but he just always knows. 

 

We followed him up to the top floor and the furthest room down. My stomach was in my throat with every step; the long walk adding to my nerves. 

 

My heart felt like it's cracking at the sight before me. Tokiya laid in the bed; hooked up to a machine to help him breathe. A Vital Sign Monitor beeped slowly as it cut through the silence. I don't know what the numbers mean or what should they be. But my brain started running through if they were too low or too high. 

 

Mikaze-senpai sat in the corner with his laptop; no doubt researching Tokiya's condition. Reiji slumped his head on his shoulder; catching up on sleep in the downtime.  Camus-senpai sat in a chair to the bed; his hand gently smoothing down Tokiya's hair. 

 

He turned his head to us as we shuffled inside. “How are you boys holding up?” 

 

“We're fine,” Ren replied as he patted Otoya's shoulder. “Except Otoya's upset and Masa is a complete wreck.” 

 

“How is he, Senpai?” 

 

He stood up from the chair, guiding me to sit instead.

 

“He seems to be recovering alright.” 

 

I reached over the bed; taking his limp hand in mine. My thumb drew circles on his cold skin as I watched his every breath. 

 

“Do we know what's wrong with him?” 

 

“Not yet. We're waiting on test results,” Ranmaru stated as he walked towards the door. “But most likely, he needs surgery.” 

 

That word made my heart drop. It's more serious than we all thought. It's not just overwork or exhaustion. 

 

“Poor Tokiya,” Natsuki cooed; grabbing a chair at the other side of the bed. “I wish we could help.” 

 

“It's his own fault,” Syo barked with his arms crossed. “He knew what he was doing.” 

 

“I swear to god, Syo,” Ai snapped as he shut his laptop. “I will punish you.” 

 

Syo gulped and immediately shut up. I remember Syo once saying to be afraid if Ai shuts his laptop. Very afraid. 

 

“Syo,” Camus sighed as he placed his hand on his shoulder. “I don't know why you're angry with him. But something is seriously wrong. You need to let it go.” 

 

Syo waved his hand off his shoulder. “Yeah yeah.” 

 

“But still,” Otoya sighed heavily as he stared down at his roommate. “How did I not notice?” 

 

“Don't blame yourself,” Ai assured him with a gentle smile. “No one could have known.” 

 

Ranmaru returned with a tray of coffees in disposable cups. He handed one of the cups to everyone; myself last. 

 

“I got you a green tea.” 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

The warm cup in my other hand was rather soothing. My other hand warmed Tokiya's hand as I refused to let go. I gave it a gentle squeeze like it would do something. Anything.

 

Tokiya's eyes slowly opened; still looking heavy. It was like all the blue had disappeared and turned into a flat grey iris. They looked so dark. So lifeless. 

 

“Tokiya!”

 

His name slipped out of my mouth before I could even think about it. He turned his head to the sound; smiling softly through the translucent plastic. My heart ached at the sight. 

 

Reiji woke up with my yelling; looking up at the bed. “Huh--what?”

 

Ai, who has been freed of Reiji, stood up and leaned over the bed. “Tokiya is awake.’

 

He jumped up and stood next to the bed. “Hey there, Toki.” 

 

Ranmaru stood next to me; smiling down at the younger idol. "How are you feeling, kiddo?” 

 

“Tokiyaaaaa,” Otoya whined as he knelt down beside the bed. “You scared me!” 

 

Tokiya gave him a look the best he could. If he could reach up to pat his head, he would. 

 

His expression changed into a worried one, turning his head to me. Two tears rolled down my cheeks. He tried to let go of my hand to wipe them but was much too weak. Using my hand as a guide, I lowered myself for him to do so. I kept trying not to cry but the tears kept coming. My heart hurt so much seeing him in extreme pain. 

 

A doctor came into the room with Camus. I didn't even notice him leave. 

 

He checked the monitor before standing over Tokiya. His hands carefully lifted off the mask attached to his face; placing it on the side table. 

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“I'm f-fine.” 

 

That was clearly a lie. His voice was scratchy and rough; barely even there. 

 

“I'll take it that means it hurts. We'll leave the mask off for a bit and monitor how he breathes,” he said to Camus. “If he starts struggling, hit the call button quickly.”

 

“Got it.” 

 

The doctor left with promises to check on him in an hour. 

 

“Masa….don't...cry…” 

 

“Sorry,” I whispered as I swallowed back my tears. “I'm worried about you.” 

 

“I'm...s-sorry…”

 

“It hurts you to talk, doesn't it?”

 

Natsuki clapped his hands with a big goofy grin. “Then we'll do all the talking!” 

 

“Good idea, Natsuki!” 

 

We filled him in on what happened on tv today. Syo said everything he possibly could about his new movie; showing him pictures of his costume. Ren joked about a commercial role he's been cast in. 

 

“Oh! Masato! Show him the pictures of the jacket!” 

 

I pulled out of my phone; holding as he swiped through the photos. My cheeks were a little rosy as he stared at the photo of me in just a jacket with no shirt. He moved his fingers; typing something into the notepad. 

 

_ god, you're gorgeous. _

 

I had to fight blushing in front of the others. 

 

_ Isn’t that Ren's shirt? _

 

“Yup.” 

 

_ Really?  _

 

“I swear I'm playing Jinguji.” 

 

_ Ew.  _

 

“And what's wrong with that?” 

 

“Don't get me started,” Syo teased with a laugh. It's rare for him to try and tease Ren. 

 

“Rude!” 

 

The group burst into laughter. Tokiya tried to laugh but wound up wincing in pain. My laughter stopped immediately as I squeezed his hand. 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

He nodded. 

 

“Perhaps it's time for him to rest,” Camus stated as he checked his watch. 

 

“Alright. Get better Tokiya."

“Feel better.”

“Get some rest.” 

“Feel better soon.” 

 

Syo, Ren, Natsuki and Otoya left the room after saying their well-wishes. Reiji left to walk them down to the lobby. Camus, Ai and Ranmaru stood outside the door to talk with the doctor. Leaving me with about thirty seconds alone with him. 

 

I lowered my head; placing my lips on his gently. He reached up to gently rub my cheek with his thumb. His face was a mixture of apology, love and pain. 

 

I knew I had to go but I didn't want to. It was so painful to stand up and walk away. 

 

“Masa..” 

 

I turned to look at him; seeing him holding out my phone. Whoops. 

 

“Thank you,” I whispered as I took it from him. “Get better please.”

 

He gave me a gentle smile as I walked out; trying to hide my tears. 

 

“I thought you left with us, Masa,” Ren noted as I walked towards him. 

 

“I forgot my phone so I had to go back.”

 

“The car waiting. Let's go.” 

 

In the back seat, my heart flipped at seeing the last message on the notepad. 

 

_ I love you. _

  
  



	6. Text Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Masato tries to cheer up a suffering Tokiya.

“Masato! What happened to your voice?”

My co-star scurried into our shared dressing room with a worried look on her face.

“Oh that,” I muttered, not good enough to lie but not wanting to tell her the truth. “A family member is in the hospital. I may have cried some.”

Well, my STARISH family.

“Oh no,” she whispered as she grabbed my hands. “Are you alright?”

“I'm okay,” I sighed; letting her squeeze them gently. “Just a bit stressed.”

“Are you going to be okay to film?”

“That's why I've got my tea with honey,” I replied; gesturing to the steaming mug on the vanity table.

The first few scenes we tried before Aiya got here weren't easy. My voice kept coming and going; breaking up between the lines. Hence why I am on a break with a hot cup of tea. Thank you, intern, for running out to get it.

“I'm sorry though,” I mentioned with a smile back at her. “Your solo scenes have been bumped up while I'm resting my voice.”

“No worries, I got here late anyway. But I found out I'm gonna appear in my first commercial.”

“Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” she replied with a big smile. “I'm pretty excited.” Aiya kind of reminds me of Haruka. Somewhat.

“Oh? How did your tv appearance go? Then one you were worried about.”

“The fans seemed to enjoy it,” I mused as I fought a tired sigh. “Despite all the issues.”

“That's the hardest part of being a singer, huh?”

“The most important part of being an idol.”

“Believe it or not,” she sighed as she started putting on her outfit for her scene. “I wanted to sing. Not act.”

“Really? I wouldn't have guessed.”

“My manager says I'm not good enough to try.” The look on her face told me that it really bothered her.

“Here,” I said as I grabbed a piece of paper; copying a phone number from my contacts. Hopefully, this is one thing I can do for her. “STARISH's vocal coach. Tell him I sent you.”

“Really? You would do that?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you so much!”

She gave me a big hug before waving off; heading to film her scenes. I smiled down at my phone, reading that message like a thousand times until my tea was finished.

\----

“Hey, Masa!” Ranmaru called my name as he entered my dressing room. Aiya jumped with her cheeks turned rosy. She's a fan. That's obvious.

“Ah Senpai. What are you doing here?”

“Unfortunately I had work today,” he explained as he leaned against the table.

“I figured you'd want to head to the hospital if you're done working.”

“Yeah, we just finished up.” I immediately started packing up my bag. Tokiya is waiting after all.

“Meet me in the car.”

“Alright.”

He turned and left without another word

“You know Kurosaki Ranmaru?!”

I wonder how much she actually knows about idols?

“He is my mentor.”

“Lucky! He's so hot! I'd love him to mentor me.”

She put air quotation marks on the word mentor.

I just laughed as I finished changing into my regular clothes. Waving off for her, I hurried off to his car waiting in the lot.

“Ready?”

“Yes.”

Ranmaru likes to drive fast but at least he didn't earn himself a ticket. We stepped into the hospital;  seeing Reiji grabbing a drink from the lobby vending machine.

“Ran-Ran,” he called out as he waved his us. “You're back.”

“How's the kid?”

“He just woke up,” he said with a grin. “He's been asking about you, Masa.”

“Really?”

“I'm pretty sure he's more worried about you than himself,” Ranmaru sighed as he hit the button for the top floor. “Stupid.”

“Guess who's here, Tokiya,” Reiji called out as we entered the room.

Tokiya was propped up on pillows so he's sort of sitting up. His eyes had a tiny bit more life to them; smiling as they saw me.

“Masa, you're here.”

His voice seemed somewhat more there today but still quite rough.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

That was a lie. I could tell. He's suffering. He's in pain. But he wouldn't tell me. Ever.

I took a seat in the chair next to bed; watching as he grabbed my hand.

“I'm worried about you.”

“I'll be fine.”

“I sure hope so.”

He squeezed my hand gently with a soft smile. We need a change of subject. He doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want me to worry.

“How was your filming today?”

“Oh, it was really fun,” I replied with a grin. “I got to drive this really expensive car.”

I wasn't about to tell him I struggled with my voice. He didn't need to know how much I cried.

“Oh was it that car I saw on the set? It looks like a car from the future.”

“It looks like a spaceship inside. There are so many switches and buttons.”

“I didn't think you could drive,” Tokiya mused with a gentle laugh. He knows I can't drive any car.

“I'm not really driving it. Just looks like it on screen.”

“I'm excited to watch you,” he mused as he looked into my eyes. “Masa being all cool.”

“I hope I don't disappoint.”

“You'll be fine.”

Knock! Knock!

 The doctor from yesterday stood in the doorway. Camus and Ranmaru both stood up and left the room to discuss it. I know they don't want me to hear. Ai decided to join them. Tokiya asked for a tea so Reiji left to grab it. Even if it's just for a minute, we're alone.

“Masato, will you do something for me?”

“Anything. What do you need?”

“You.”

I couldn't fight the smile before leaning forward to press my lips on his.

“Better?”

“Hmm. A little.”

I slouched forward in my chair; allowing him to rest his head on my shoulder. He made a noise of content as I ran my fingers through his hair. My touch seemed to relax him. He didn't say anything more but his breathing seemed more regular.

Reiji returned to the room with two paper cups; chuckling at the sight. “Tired, Toki?”

“Mhm.”

“That doesn't look comfortable for Masato.”

“I'm fine.” If it's for Tokiya, I have no complaints.

“If you say so.”

Ranmaru returned to the room; a grin forming as he spotted us. “You look comfy, kid.”

Tokiya didn't make any words as a response; just a noise. Not really a grunt or groan. A sigh maybe?

“I'm jealous,” Reiji whined playfully as he leaned back against the wall. “Tokiya never wanted to cuddle with me!”

“No one does,” Ranmaru joked back at him with a low chuckle. “Though I am too. Being taken care of by Masa.”

“I like taking care of my friends,” I added in; looking down at Tokiya. “I don't want anything like this to happen again.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled into my shoulder.

“No apologies,” I replied sternly as I petted his head. “I'm taking care of you. Period.”

He didn't respond; closing his eyes and nuzzling his head slightly.

“You can sleep if you want.”

“But-”

“I'm not going anywhere. Promise.”

He nodded; slowly falling into a medicated sleep. Ranmaru helped me guide his head back to his pillow without waking him up. I twined our fingers together so he would know I'm still there.

“Are you okay, Masa?”

“I….feel so guilty,” I muttered as I watched him sleep. “I knew he wasn't sleeping. I knew he wasn't feeling well. I knew but didn't do anything.”

“Masa…”

“Masato,” Camus sighed as his cool hand landed on my shoulder. “You are not at fault.”

“Tokiya asked us not to talk about it but,” Reiji sighed heavily. “He has a pre-existing medical condition.”

“Is that what those pills were for?”

“Yeah,” Ranmaru replied with a serious expression. “He was barely sleeping and working non-stop. Pretty sure he didn't take his meds between all that.”

“It caused some irritation,” Ai stated; trying to be comforting but still sounding blunt.

“Poor Tokiya,” I whispered as I squeezed his hand. “I promise I'll take better care of you.”

“Masa…”

\-----

Tokiya opened his eyes about an hour later. He still looked so tired. I reached out; cupping his face with my free hand. My thumb gently traced over the shape of his dark circles. His lips turned into a small gentle smile.

“How are you feeling, Toki?”

“...sore…”

A surprisingly honest answer. It must hurt a lot.

“I imagine you will be for a while,” Camus sighed softly; looking over at the monitor.

“Poor thing,” Reiji cooed as he took his other hand. 

Tokiya winced but not from the pain. He's embarrassed. He doesn't like all this attention. No. He doesn't want anyone seeing him suffer.

“...Masa?”

“Yes?”

“Am I…. missing anything...for STARISH?”

He really struggled to get that sentence out.

“No worrying about work,” Ranmaru ordered firmly as if that would make him stop. “Focus on getting better first.”

“I agree,” I second as I looked at his unhappy face. “I want to take you home.” That earned me a small smile.

I want to tell him how much I love him. Kiss him. Tell him I'll take care of him. Hold him. I'd do anything for him. But I can't say it with everyone around. But he knew. Of course, he did. He could read my mind but I couldn't tell what he's thinking most of the time.

“You need to get better,” Ranmaru repeated himself. “The world cries when Masa cries.”

“Are you calling me the world?”

I could see Tokiya practically biting his tongue; fighting not to say I am his world. His hand tried to squeeze mine to say it instead.

“I think he's calling you beautiful,” Ai said; trying to think of what that statement meant.

“Naw,” Ranmaru groaned as he slumped down as the wall. “I just don't like seeing him cry.”

“I'm...sorry.” “Hey,” I called out as I squeezed his hand.

“No more apologizing.” 

 

Tears welled up in his eyes; my heart breaking at the sight. Was he upset? In pain? I didn't raise my voice.

“What's wrong, Tokiya?” “Sh,” Camus whispered as he dabbed his eyes with a grey handkerchief. “You're gonna hurt yourself more if you cry.”

That didn't stop him. I've never seen him cry before. Not once. And I don't like it. I hate it. I never want to see it again. I stood up from my chair; moving to sit on the edge of the bed. My arms wrapped around him as I pulled him closer. He buried face into my shoulder; still sobbing into the fabric. I rubbed his back and smoothed out his hair. My humming tried drowning out his cries but it failed. Every member of Quartet Night tried to comfort him but nothing seemed to work. He wouldn't leave my arms and I wouldn't let go.

“If I was your lover…”

At the sound of Ranmaru's singing, he started calming down. The others joined in until Tokiya fell back asleep on my shoulder. I couldn't lay him back down. Or let go. Not after that.

\----

Going home was not easy. They practically had to drag me into the car. I didn't want to leave him. I'm so worried.

“Masa! You're back,” Otoya called out as I entered the cafeteria. I grabbed a seat next to Ren; glad I caught them for dinner.

“Where were you?”

“The Hospital.”

“How's Tokiya?” Otoya looked at me with hopeful eyes but my news wasn't good.

“He's in a lot of pain,” I sighed sadly; unable to force a lie out of my mouth.

“Poor thing,” Natsuki whined in a more frustrated tone than I've ever heard from him. “I wish there was something we do for him.”

“Masa, your phone,” Syo noted it ringing in my pocket. I didn't even feel it.

My heart dropped when I saw who was calling. Ranmaru. This can't be good. I felt my throat fall to the pit of my stomach.

“Hello, senpai?”

“We got the results.”

“Is it bad?”

“Somewhat. He needs surgery. And it can be risky.”

“Oh no!” “Calm down, Masa. The doctor said it could be a risky procedure worst-case scenario. Most likely he will be fine.”

“Alright. When is it?”

“Thursday. So tomorrow is the only day you can visit him for the next few days.”

“We'll be there.”

“Try not to stress about it and get some sleep.”

“Good night, senpai.”

“Night, Masa.”

I hung up the phone and looked up; trying to pretend like everything is fine.

“So what's happening?”

“He's going for surgery,” I explained as I stared down at the table. “Tomorrow is the only day we can visit him before it.” 

“We should definitely visit him,” Natsuki agreed with a gentle smile. “Try and cheer him up.”

“Agreed.”

We finished dinner as we planned tomorrow's visit.

\-----

To keep ourselves in good spirits, the others decided we would play some games. In the common area, Otoya set up the table with a large monopoly board. Everyone sat on the floor around the table. Personally, I'm more comfortable watching so I'm laying on the couch behind them. They're so rowdy that they don't need me anyway.

It didn't take long for the bickering to start either. Cecil doesn't understand the rules. Syo has a short temper and Ren likes to cheat for fun. But at least they seem to be enjoying themselves.

Bzz Bzz.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. Oh, a text. Wait from Tokiya? Is it actually him?

_ Are you still awake? _

I wondered if he was strong enough to text. Or was one of the Senpais using his phone?

_ Yes. _

_ What are you doing? _

They weren't remotely paying attention to me so I took a picture and sent it to him.

_ T: Has war broken out yet _

_ M: Ren's got Syo on his third tantrum _

_ T: Ren can be scary. _

_ M: How are you doing? _

_ T: Okay _

_ M: Be honest with me. Please. _

_ T: It hurts… a lot _

_ M: You should rest _

_ T: Hurts too much to sleep. _

_ M: My poor Tokiya. I'm here for you. _

_ T: You're the best distraction _

_ M: I miss you. _

_ T: I miss you too. _

I didn't get a chance to respond before his next message came through.

_ T: I love you. I love you so much, my beautiful Masa. _

My eyes went wide as I read the message a hundred times. I couldn't fight the smile on my face or the red blush in my cheeks.

“Masato!”

“Huh? What?”

“You've been smiling at your phone for the past five minutes,” Otoya noted with several sets of curious eyes landing on me. Ren stood up; suddenly leaning over me.

“Masa. You better tell me or I find out for myself.”

“Get off me,” I muttered as I tried to hide my phone from him. They cannot see that message. He pinned me down; forcibly holding my arms against the sofa. Syo snuck under me and grabbed my phone.

“He's been texting Tokiya,” he stated as he started reading the message. My heart is racing. No. I'm not ready. I don't have a plan. I'm not prepared to tell them that Tokiya and I are dating. We're lovers. I love him.

“I miss you guys,” Syo read out loud. “It's too quiet here. Minus Reiji's non-stop talking.”

Huh? What? Did he send more messages? Oh god please don't let him scroll up.

“Aw,” Natsuki cooed as he took my phone from him and handed it back to me. Ren moved away with a sigh. He wanted something juicy. He wanted to catch me in the act. Like he already knows but has no proof.

I looked back at my phone to see what else he sent.

_ Camus and Ai never talk  _

_ Ran just keeps snoring  _

_ Reiji won't shut up _

_ It's lonely I miss you guys. _

_ It's too quiet here _

Did you get busted?

I pretended to be angry; standing up and storming away. In reality, I'm just going to hide away to talk to him. If he wasn't surrounded by Quartet Night, I would call him to tell him how much I love him. I searched the practice rooms for an empty room; locking myself inside.

_ M: Yes. That was close. Very close. _

_ T: I'm sorry. I should have waited for you to be alone. _

_ M: I was happy though. _

_ T: Were you? _

_ M: Hearing how much you love me made me very happy. _

_ T: Really? _

_ M: Yes. Do you know why? _

_ T: Why? _

_ M: Because I love my Tokiya so much _

_ T: Don’t make me cry _

_ M: It’s the truth though _

_ T: I know. _

_ M: I wanna kiss you _

_ T: Wow. you’re not normally this forward. _

_ M: It’s cause I’m lonely this without you _

_ T: I’m sorry. _

_ M: I should find some way to punish you _

_ T: What? Why? _

_ M: You keep apologizing. It’s not your fault. You’re sick. Hurry up and come home so I can take care of you. _

_ T: Yes sir.  _

_ T: Should I be scared? _

_ M: Maybe.  _

_ T: I don't know if I should be worried or excited about it. _

My cheeks burned after a minute of reading that message. It took a second to catch onto what he meant. Oh. What does he do to me? At least he must be feeling a little better tight? If his mind can be in the gutter.

Knock Knock!

“Masato…”

That was Ren’s voice. He leaned his head against the door; whispering my name to the wood. Instinctively my fingers moved from my phone to the piano, playing any tune I could think of.

Knock knock!

With a sigh, I walked over to the door and unlocked it. This conversation was something I dreaded. I went straight back to the piano; my safe place. It didn’t matter what it was. Just play something.

“Masato,” Ren sighed as he leaned against the side of the piano. It’s never good when he calls you by your first name. “Are you mad?”

“No.”

I wasn’t really. Just defensive. Hiding my secret.

“You sound mad.”

“I didn't like being pinned down, Jinguji,” I said firmly; pressing my fingers into the keys. It's only now that I'm realizing what I'm playing. Believe My Voice. Why? Why did my brain go there? Or rather my fingers? Did Ren notice? I quickly changed into one of my songs to throw him off.

“I'm sorry,” he whined softly; totally pouting for my forgiveness. He only does that when he knows I'm very angry.

“I'm not mad.”

“Really?”

“All you had to do was ask me.”

“You were so zoned out,” he muttered as he took a seat on the bench beside me. “I didn't think you would say.”

“He was pain And needed a distraction,” I explained as I changed songs again. “I was trying to think of ways to cheer him up.”

He looked at my fingers; watching them closely.

“It's really bad, Ren,” I sighed as I lifted my fingers from the keys. “He's really suffering.”

“It's really bothering you, isn't it?”

“I would be the same for anyone of you.”

“I guess so.” He stood up from the bench and headed towards the door. “Meet you in the dorm?”

“Yes.”

He left without another word. I couldn't help but sigh in relief before checking my phone again.

_ T: I wish you were here   _

_ M: I didn't want to leave you. _

_ T: I know. I'd like to sleep in your arms. _

_ M: I'll hold you all you want _

_ T: I want you _

_ M: I'm all yours. _

_ M: we’re all coming to visit tomorrow _

_ T: yeah Ranmaru told me  _

_ T: Camus is yelling at me to go to bed _

_ M: you should rest _

_ T: I guess so _

_ M: Sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. _

_ T: Good night. _

_ M: I love you _

_ T: I love you _

With a smile, I returned my fingers to the keys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to re-edit this chapter 3 times so hopefully, I've fixed it now.   
> Question. I had a lot of trouble with the spacing between the lines with my doc/archive. So do you prefer the extra space between the lines or continue like this chapter?


	7. Like a Garden of Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> STARISH visits Tokiya before his surgery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to have a Valentines Day chapter for Tokiya and Masato but I'm running behind. Going to do a big push to get the next few chapters up so it will at least be up in February.

I was fortunate enough to trade my filming day for tomorrow. When I explained part of the situation the director was fine with it. I would rather distract myself with work than worry about what could happen.

That also meant I was the first one to arrive at the hospital. Camus waited for me; sitting in one of the lobby chairs with a book.

“Good morning, Senpai.”

“Ah, Masa,” he said as he looked up from his book; closing it shut. “Good morning.”

“How is he?”

“Finally asleep,” he replied; standing up from his chair. “He had a rough night.”

“Poor thing.”

“Shall we?”

He led me up to the room and held the door open for me.

“You're early, Masato,” Ai observed as he looked up from his laptop.

“I managed to get today off.”

“I see.”

I took a seat in my usual chair next to the bed; looking Tokiya over. He's asleep but he doesn't look peaceful. They had put the mask back over his face to help him breathe. I hate the sight of it but I hope it eases his pain.

“Did you eat breakfast, Masa?”

“I didn't get a chance to.”

“Alright,” Ranmaru sighed as he put his arms through his leather jacket. “I'll grab one for you too.”

“We haven't either,” Reiji explained as he watched the other leave. “He's going to grab us a quick bite.”

“I see.”

“When are the others coming?”

“Noon.”

“How's your drama going?”

“It's been pretty fun. Different but fun.”

“Tokiya was talking about your outfit,” Ai mentioned; closing his laptop and bringing his chair over to mine.

My cheeks turned a rosy colour; having heard that Tokiya was talking about me.

“Everyone is,” I sighed; pulling out my phone and showing them that picture.

“When did Masa become such a hottie?”

“Reiji,” Ai barked as he crossed his arms. “Though I can admit to being surprised. It's not like you.”

“That's the idea.”

“I am impressed,” Camus agreed with a small smile. “You’re doing it well.”

All these compliments just make me more embarrassed. I don't consider myself hot or handsome despite what my boyfriend tells me.

“We definitely need to show Ran-Ran!”

“He would enjoy that.”

“Enjoy what?”

Ranmaru stood in the door with a fast food bag. He must have gone across the street since he wasn't gone for long.  

“You need to see this picture!”

He pulled up a seat with the rest of us; handing us each a breakfast sandwich. There are also hash browns in the bag too.

Reiji grabbed my phone; holding it out for Ranmaru as he shoved his mouth full.  

“Good god, Masato. Where did this hot stud come from?”

And cue the embarrassment. He and Reiji just laughed at the look on my face. I tried to ignore it by biting into my sandwich.

Oh, wait.  Camus never eats fast food. I looked up in shock; seeing him try it. He must be really concerned about Tokiya to eat that sandwich. I could tell he was hiding his displeasure. There isn't much Quartet Night wouldn't do for us. And that is what worried me further. 

“Looks like the kids are here,” Ranmaru noted as he returned from throwing our garbage out.

Natsuki entered the room first; carrying a bouquet of peonies. We all decided on that yesterday. Peonies can be seen as a get well flower. Camus took it from him and placed them on the windowsill. We should have brought a vase to go with it.

“Ah Masato, you're already here.”

“I had the day off so I came early.”

Ren gave me a look as he entered with the others but said nothing.  

Syo looked at Tokiya and groaned. “Did we come to early? He's still asleep.”

“He had a rough night,” Reiji yawned as he switched to sitting on the floor. “He hasn't been asleep long.”

Ranmaru sat next to him; covering them with his jacket. “Wake us up later.”

With that, both of them immediately fell asleep. They must have stayed up with Tokiya until late.   

Otoya took Camus’ chair and Natsuki took Reiji's; pulling Syo into his lap. He groaned but didn't fight the taller idol. Cecil and Ren didn't seem to mind sitting on the floor instead.

“Oh yeah. Ren,” Natsuki announced as he clapped his hands. “Your birthday is coming up isn't it?”  

“In a couple of weeks from now. Why?”

“What would you like as a present?”

“You guys don't have to get me anything,” he replied as he pulled his chin up to his knees. “I'd be happy just to have cake with you guys.”

“Wow. Sappy,” Syo commented with a grin.

“No fun,” Natsuki whined; pressing his chin on the other's shoulder.

“Surprise me Natsuki.”

“Kay!”

“Ungh.”

A voice groaned; barely audible under the buzzing of the medical machines. Camus walked over to Tokiya and pressed his cool hand on his forehead. Tokiya's eyes slowly opened like they were weighed down. He looks exhausted.

“Is it hurting again?”

He barely nodded his head.

Camus reached over and hit the call button. The doctor hurried up to the room.

“Awake already? You don't sleep much do you?”

“His fever hasn't gone down,” Camus informed him; speaking rather quietly. “He's still in pain.”

“Alright.”

We could only watch in silence as the doctor took his temperature and felt his breathing.  

“I'll give him another dose,” he explained to him before taking the mask off him. “I'll take this off for now while he's awake. Once he's ready to sleep, we'll put it back on. We need to monitor his breathing on his own anyway.”

A dose of what? When he did get a fever?

The doctor left after giving him some medicine. Camus sat on the bed; holding Tokiya against him to prop him up. He didn't notice us yet. He's not fully awake. Not aware. Exhausted.

“How are you feeling, Ichi?”

Tokiya turned his head to the sound of Ren's voice. And then looked around the room. He's just now realizing we are here but he's not awake enough to respond. He looked awful.

Camus kept smoothing his hair and gently rocking him. We couldn't disagree. Tokiya is better off going back to sleep.  

“Masa…”

I reached over to touch his hand. “I'm here.”

“We're all here,” Otoya explained as his hand joined mine. “It's going to be okay, Tokiya.”

“Please...t-talk.”

It hurts him to talk. He's in pain. That's him asking for help. He won't tell us he's suffering. He's not capable of it. Hearing us talk is him knowing he's still conscious. That he's still an idol. We're still STARISH.  

“We brought you flowers,” Cecil announced as a change of subject. “Masato said peonies are get-well flowers.”

“Natsuki thought we should get daisies,” Syo chimed in; gesturing to the bow bouquet in the windowsill.

“Both can be seen as get-well flowers,” I explained to him. “I could have spent hours picking out flowers. This little shop near the agency has a huge variety of flowers. I'll take you there one day.”

His lips formed a tiny smile as if to say I would like that. I love flowers but does Tokiya?

“Should we throw Ren a surprise party for his birthday?”

“It's not a surprise if you tell him, Natsuki,” Ai stately bluntly.

All but one member of STARISH chuckled but at least he's smiling.  

“Did you hear Cecil got his first acting role?”

He shook his head gently.

“Yup,” Cecil cheered with a big smile. “It's not a lead role. But I'm going to in an tv show."

Tokiya weakly raised his hand to give him a thumbs up.

“What's it about, Cecil?”

“A high school drama,” he explained with a shrug. “Not that I would know anything about that. I play the leads younger brother. He gets a lot of episodes.”

“Wow. Congratulations,” I said as the one with the second most experienced in acting. “That's huge for your first role.”

“I've never done it before so I can't say I'm not nervous. But I am excited.”

“You'll be fine,” Natsuki assured him with that signature smile. “You have us to rely on!”

“Thanks, guys!”

“Oh right,” Ren suddenly announced as he remembered something. “I spoke to Ringo this morning. Shining wants us to write a completely brand new song. Then record it and film a new music video. He wants it all released as soon as Tokiya is well enough to work.”

“Wow, that's a lot.”

Tokiya just groaned like something heavy just fell on him. That's too much pressure on him.

“So that means we need to write and compose it while he's recovering.”

“It would be best if you start now,” Ai pointed out like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Haruka said she would start with the composing today.”

“So we should decide on a theme and start writing tonight.”

“Good idea.”

“What do you guys think?”

“I think we should do something happy,” Natsuki chimed in.

“I would suggest a love song,” I added in while smiling at Tokiya. He tried to grin back at me.

“Masato loves flowers,” Syo said after a moment of thought. “We do a song that's using flowers. Like using all those meanings he was describing to us yesterday.”

“I like that,” Ren agreed; resting his hand on his chin. “The girl in the song can be said to be like a flower in the garden.”

“What do you think Tokiya?”

He just nodded in response. I could practically see the lyrics spinning in his mind.  He doesn't want to jump in. He feels guilty about the last song.

“Ten bucks says Tokiya could write a better song while drugged up,” Syo joked with a grin towards Tokiya. (though it sounded slightly bitter)

“The lyrics are already there,” I agreed with a laugh; hoping it will relax him.  

“Let's hear it, Ichi.”

He groaned and turned his head towards Camus' chest. The older idol laughed as he gently stroked his hair.

“Sh. Relax. They're just teasing you.”

He reached into Camus’ pocket and grabbed his phone; typing something out.

_ As she walks down  _

_ On a pathway of gold _

_ Among every Lily  _

_ My heart sings the song of a single rose  _

_ A garden of endless melodies _

_ A song of our love. _

__

“That’s beautiful, Tokiya.”

Camus passed the phone to me; it making a full circle around the room.

“I love it,” I said immediately after reading it; trying and failing not to picture the song as us.

“It's impressive, Ichi.”

Syo looked like he wanted to throw something. “Seriously! How do you do that?”

“What, Syo?”

“He's in the hospital on painkillers and he still writes a beautiful song.”

“Pain inspires beauty,” Ai mused after handing the phone back to his bandmate. “And he's been in a lot of it.”

Camus shot him a look. It's obvious how much they're pretending everything is fine when it's not. They know more than they're willing to tell.

“Can we finish something like this?”

“He's given you a base to work with,” Camus sighed while resting his hand on Tokiya's forehead. “Let's not make him work anymore.”

“You just listen,” Otoya instructed him as he jumped up from his chair. “We'll sing for you.”

Tokiya nodded in agreement; shifting so his back is against Camus’ chest

The rest of us stood up and gathered at the side of the bed.

“Her smile is as bright like a field of sunflowers,” Natsuki sang out first.

Syo smartly grabbed his phone and started to record it to send to Haruka.  

“The wind carries her voice,” Ren started the next line.

“Like she's flying through the petals,” Syo finished it.

I looked over at Tokiya and he's cringing. He wrote this beautiful song and we are being too simple with it. It's going to take some work to match his. Probably outside the hospital. That would probably help.

After an hour of tossing lines back and forth, we stopped for a break.

“What's that sound?”

Everyone shut up for a moment to isolate the sound.

“Oh dear,” Camus muttered as he realized it was Tokiya's heavy breathing and wheezing. He grabbed a cup of water from the side table; putting the straw in Tokiya's mouth. “Good. Drink.”

He put the cup back and felt his forehead again. Tokiya rolled over; burying his face into his shoulder. It's hurting him again.

“Sh Sh,” he cooed as he rocked him gently.

“I think it's time we let Ichi sleep,” Ren announced as he grabbed his backpack. “Get some rest.”

“Get better soon!” 

“Feel better, buddy” 

“Come home soon, Tokiya!”

The rest of the room left to let him sleep. I reached over and rubbed his back.

“Tokiya. See you soon, okay?”

“Yes...Masa”

It was painful to leave but I had to go with the rest. What could I do for him?

I pulled out my phone and looked back at yesterday's conversation.

_ I love you so much.  More and more every moment. _

And sent. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. I used to write songs all the time. But you wouldn't know it from this.


	8. Welcome Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiya has been released from the hospital so the two groups throw him a small party.

I have never been more thankful to a picky director in my career. The constant retakes and changes in the script made me very busy. Needing to focus on the drama. I refused to let my mind wander about anything else. The call will come. The call will come.

“Masato,” the director called as this scene came to an end. “You're on fire today. What's gotten into you?”

“I need to keep my mind busy today,” I muttered truthfully.

“You haven't taken a break all day. Please go eat.”

He wouldn't take no for an answer; practically pushing me off towards the craft table.  I grabbed a sandwich just to appease him. But I need to find something else to do. Oh. Aiya is also on break. I should go see her. We have our first romantic scene to film tonight.

“Hey Masa,” she said as I entered the dressing room. “Finally taking a break?”

“The director is making me.”

“Good! Eat!”

“Yes, mam.”

I took a seat at the vanity; biting into my sandwich.

“I'm nervous,” she suddenly mumbled after I finished eating. “About the next scene.”

“Because we have to kiss?”

“Honestly,” she whispered as she looked away from my gaze. “I've never kissed anyone before.”

“You don't have to count it. It's just acting.”

“Have you ever been kissed?”

I probably shouldn't admit it but I doubt Aiya would repeat it to anyone.

“Yes.”

“You wouldn't tell me who?”

“I was young. Nothing worth remembering about.”

Calm down, heart. Don't remember now. Don't think about your first being with Tokiya. Don't think.

“Don't worry too much,” I continued; brushing it off.  “I will be here.”

Obviously Masato! You're the one kissing her!

“Yeah. You're right. I trust--”

_ Give Me, Give Me The Shine _ _   
_ _ Give Me, Give Me The Heart _

“Masa, I think your phone is ringing.”

It took me a second to calm down and grabbed the phone from my pocket. I knew it was ringing. I knew it immediately. It was the ringtone that made me anxious. It's Ranmaru. He's calling about Tokiya.

“Senpai,” I said as I picked up the call; practically shaking.

“Relax, Masato,” he ordered into the phone. “The surgery went perfectly fine. No complications.”

“How is he?”

“He's sound asleep.”

I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

“He's going to be okay.”

“Can I see him?”

“Let him rest. They're monitoring him for now but I'll call if anything changes.”

“When he wakes up, will you tell him we miss him? And can't wait to see him?”

“I will. Try and relax, Masa.”

“Thank you, senpai.”

He hung up the phone before I took a deep breath.

“You alright, Masato?”

“I need to distract myself,” I muttered; practically running to the set.

\-----

The phone never rang for the next few days. It drove me insane. I couldn't stop checking it every chance I got. And I prayed not to have any. I pleaded for more work to keep me busy. Anything to distract me like filming more scenes or working on the new song.

The hardest part was not getting to see Tokiya or hear his voice. I missed him so much that I felt sick. It's like slow torture; you can't die but hope it stops.

“Oh shoot!”

“What's the matter, Masa?”

“I forgot my notebook with the lyrics in the dorm,” I replied; realizing it was still sitting on our table.

“We're not far. Let's go get it.”

The six of us walked back to our dorm from the cafeteria.

“Kotobuki-senpai!”

Otoya waved his arms crazily as we spotted Reiji leaving his old dorm room with a duffle bag.

“Hiya, kiddos!”

Otoya looked down at the bag with curious puppy eyes.

“Getting Tokiya's stuff?”

“Yeah,” he replied; his smile never faltering. “His clothes mostly.”

“How is he?”

“Fine. He's been released.”

“Then why are you getting his stuff?”

He sighed like he wanted to avoid speaking to Otoya about it.  “He's going to be staying with us for a bit.”

“What? Why?”

“He still has to be monitored,” he explained; putting the bag on his shoulder. “Especially with the painkillers he's on. They make him as high as a kite.”

“Can we see him?”

“Yeah. Come on.”

He started to walk towards the parking lot.

“We figured you would want to see him,” he hummed as he leads us to his classic green car. “So Ran-Ran and I are making a big dinner.”

There's not enough room in his car so we had to drive separately. Ren, Cecil, and Natsuki rode in the second car. I sat up front with Reij and Syo rode in the back. Next to him was several bags of groceries. He said he had gone to the store first so he could take us straight there.   

We arrived at the Quartet Night apartment in no time. It's pretty close to the agency.  Syo carried all the bags inside; refusing any offers to help.

“We're back,” Reiji sang loudly as he opened the door for us.

“Shut up,” Ranmaru groaned as the stood at the counter; wearing a black apron. “You're too noisy. The kid needs to sleep.”

“Whoops.”

“Thanks,” he continued; ignoring Reiji's babbling. He grabbed the bags and started unpacking the bags. “I'll get started now.”

“Can I help?”

“Yeah sure.”

Syo and Ranmaru started to work on dinner. Ranmaru was doing all the chopping, Syo was doing any grunt prep work and Reiji was in charge of cooking at the stove.

That left the rest of us to see Tokiya. I didn't see Ai anywhere but the back Camus’ head was visible from the kitchen. He's must be sitting on the sofa.

“Senpai,” I said as we came to join in him in the living room.

That was when I saw Tokiya. He has his face buried in Camus’ lap; the rest of him covered by a blanket.

“Is someone crashing down now?”

“He's had a rough time since you've been gone,” he replied to Reiji; quiet as if we wouldn't hear it.

“Ah! Toki! Did you miss me?”

He reached out to touch Tokiya; earning a whine and him hiding closer to Camus.

“Denied,” Ai stated as he walked in from the hallway with a cloth in hand.

“Mean!”

“Leave him be,” Ranmaru barked; dragging him to the kitchen.  

“He's been rather attached to Camus,” Ai pointed out but it was a fact they already knew.

Camus didn't respond at all; just smoothing Tokiya's hair with a smile.

That's odd. Tokiya has nothing but respect and admiration for Quartet Night. Being a burden to them is like a nightmare to him. It's the last thing he wanted. This already must be torture. So I'm surprised he's being clingy as they put it. That worried me. It's the pain. And it's bad. 

kiya,” Camus finally said after a minute or two. “Everyone has come to visit you.”

He just groaned and clung to his thigh.

“Give him a minute to wake up,” he continued as if nothing happened. “He's cranky today.”

With a shrug, the rest of us took a seat on the other couch or the floor.

“How is your song coming along?”

“Nanami finished composing,” I explained with a sigh. “We still have to finish the lyrics. We’re experiencing difficulties.”

“Masa?”

“Yes?”

Tokiya rolled over at the sound of my voice; glancing up from the elder idol's lap.

“Tokiya,” Natsuki cheered with his signature smile. “Congratulations on getting out!”

“I'll take you home soon,” Otoya announced; reaching to touch Tokiya's cheek.

“Everyone is here?”

“Yes,” Ai stated from the corner. “Everyone is here. Haruka will be here for dinner too.”

“Oh.”

He tried to sit up; only for Camus to quickly guide him back down.

“You shouldn't move yet.”

I moved from my seat to sit on the floor in front of the couch. Natsuki and Otoya did the same.

“Now we can see you,” Otoya hummed happily; grinning from ear to ear.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

“Does it still hurt?”    
“That’s what the painkillers are for.”

I frowned at Tokiya for that statement and that just made him laugh quietly. He’s trying to make light of the situation. He’s in pain but everyone came here to visit. To the congratulate him on the successful surgery. And for getting released from the hospital.

“What’s the first thing you want to do when you are fully recovered?”

“Work.”

Everyone in the living room began to laughing; even a few chuckles from the kitchen. That answer was so very Tokiya. He's such a workaholic. He must be bored and itching to sing. It's killing him.

“We'll put you straight to work with the new song,” Ren chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair. “You've got to start learning the dance too.”

“Let's not push him too far too fast,” Camus sternly reminded us, despite it being a joke. It's now fear of him getting sick again.

“Cecil,” Tokiya said with his voice still sore. “How was your first day of filming?”

“It was so much fun,” he cheered with a huge grin. “Everyone was nice about me being new. The first episode is about a soccer match. We got a play a real game. That was really fun.”

“Jealous,” Otoya whined loudly. “I haven't played in ages!”

“We should play,” Syo called out from the kitchen.

“Agreed!”

“Why don't you two take a break tomorrow and burn off some steam?”

“Good idea.”

“Anything interesting happened while I've been locked up?”

“My commercial aired,” Ren noted. “But that's for me.”

“Nothing much for me either,” Otoya added in.

“Me either.”

Should I tell him about filming today? It's just work but how do you tell your boyfriend that you kissed a girl?

“I had to film the first real romance scene of the drama,” I muttered with my cheeks burning. Describing it was just as embarrassing.

“Oh! Masa kissed a girl,” Ren sang out in that stupid teasing tone of his. “Such a hot player.”

“I swear Jinguji,” I barked in complete annoyance. “I will punch you if you don't shut up right now.”

“Why don't you kiss me to shut me up?”

I couldn't help but look towards Tokiya. He's glaring. That comment made him furious despite Ren just teasing. He's not about sharing me. Not even a little.

He rubbed his head against Camus' thigh; looking up towards him.

“You want me to hit him?”

“Ren-Ren! Run,” Reiji yelled out from the kitchen. “You don't want to be on the other side of Camus’ hand!”

Sounds like Reiji has some experience there and I’m about ninety-nine percent sure I don’t want to know what he means.

Ranmaru came out from the kitchen; still holding a wooden spoon.

“Good idea, Kurosaki,” Camus teased (at Ren, not Ranmaru) with a grin.

“Uh oh.”

Ren got up in a hurry; hiding in one of the bedrooms. He’s not really scared. Well, that's not entirely true. He’s pretending now but in actuality, he’s afraid it could happen. Knowing Ren? It will happen one day.

“You lot come help with dessert,” Ranmaru barked; purposely trying not to get involved with Camus. Oh. So he knows too. “Let the kid rest until dinner.”

Per Camus’ request, dessert is sugar cookies. He was the only one that stayed in the living room though. He didn’t dare move away from Tokiya’s head. Reaching over, he covered Tokiya with another blanket. His hand smoothed down his hair as he hummed him to sleep.

Natsuki was not allowed to touch anything in the mixture; pouting at the kitchen table. He’s not available to work until we use the cookie cutters. I am in charge of measuring with Syo using the egg beater. Ren elegantly cracked the eggs. Cecil didn’t do anything but annoy Ranmaru with a stream of questions. And Ranmaru is the one dictating the recipe to me.

Syo insisted on being the one to roll out the dough. Natsuki jumped up from the table in excitement at finally being allowed to do something.

“What shapes should we make?”

Reiji went into the pantry; pulling out a small box of various cutters. “Surprisingly we don’t have that many.”

Natsuki took out the shapes and lined them up one by one: heart, star, a crown and few Christmas themed ones.

“Well we should make one star for each of us,” Natsuki mused as he watched Syo roll out the dough. “Cause we’re STARISH.”

“Then we can ice it in our colours,” Cecil agreed with a nod.

“You gonna need a lot of royal icing in that case,” Camus informed us from the couch.

“What's the difference between royal icing and icing?”

“Royal icing isn’t made with butter but with eggs or meringue powder,” he explained like the sweets expert he is. “It’s a different consistency. And what is used on those fancily decorated cookies.”

Reiji looked up the recipe for it while the Natsuki, Cecil and Syo cut out the shapes. Once they were in the oven, I'm in charge of making many different colours of icing. It's pretty easy to make but time-consuming with all the different colours to do. Natsuki at least was able to get them into makeshift piping bags.

“They probably won't be ready to decorate until after dinner,” Reiji announced as he pulled them out of the oven.  “Can you guys set the table?”

“Sure.”

“How are we going to seat us all?”

“I shall grab my desk chair,” Ai replied before heading off to his room. He returned with two desk chairs adding to the six they already had.

“Now what?”

“If we add all four barstools,” Ai pointed out after a thought. “It will bring us to the needed twelve. Just not as comfortable.”

“It will have to do,” Ranmaru sighed; bringing over the barstools.

Ai and I spent the next five minutes arranging the chairs, stools, name cards and plates; organizing it accordingly. He probably noticed that I put Tokiya next to me. Ai notices everything.

“Dinner is ready,” Reiji announced as the gestured to the counter covered in various dishes. Serving yourself would be the easiest way to do it with this many people.

_ Ding dong! _

“Haruka must be here,” Natsuki cheered as he ran to open the door for her. “You’re just in time. We just finished making everything!”

“I’m glad,” she said; her smile shining like the sun. “I was worried I was late.”

“You are fine, Miss Haruka,” Camus told her with a gentle smile of his own. He hadn’t let the couch yet. “Enjoy yourself.”

“I’ll make a plate for you,” Ranmaru called out before dishing up a plate for the girl. “Go sit down.”

“Okay.”

She took a seat at the table with Ren following behind her. Ranmaru put the plate in front of her and left to make his own meat pile.

“Lucky me,” Ren teased as he took her hand. “I get to sit next to the little lamb.”

I may have assigned that on purpose so he would be distracted. He would watch me otherwise. 

The rest of STARISH took their seats and waited for the others to sit. Camus finally stood up from the couch: guiding Tokiya to the table. He had to hold onto his arm. Poor thing still looked so tired. With help, he took his seat next to mine.

“You should stay with the kid,” Ranmaru stated; sounding tired himself. “I’ll make two plates.”

Ai got up and helped him; quickly returning with a plate for Camus and small one Tokiya. They mentioned earlier they didn’t know how much he felt up to eating. Hence why there is also a bowl of soup in front of him.

“Tokiya,” Haruka called out him; beaming at him. “I’m so glad you’re home.”

“Me too,” he whispered; having just been woken up and still out of it.

“I was worried,” she continued with a light that never faded. “But don’t worry. I’ll take care of all the song work. So you just rest up.”

“Thank you.”

Ranmaru and Reiji can really cook. Every dish was really delicious. We rarely eat home-cooked meals as idols so this was really nice. It almost felt like a family dinner. Us as STARISH, we consider each other family. I doubt Quartet Night is the same way. But I bet with us, they feel like family.

But Tokiya wasn’t eating. Or even trying to. He just stared into his bowl and ignored whatever conversation was happening.

Camus must have noticed it as well. “Try and eat, Tokiya. You need to get your strength back.”

“Let me help,” I ordered as I took his spoon from his unresisting hand. I knew if I held it out for him he would eat. It worried me that he didn’t seem interested in food at all.

He gave me a look but let me feed him some soup. He wouldn’t touch anything else. I had to take time between spoonfuls or he would start looking green.

“Tokiya has become spoiled,” Ren joked in observation. Of course, now he would look this way.  

Tokiya turned his head and glared at him. I though Tokiya was joking in return but Ren actually jumped back in his seat.

“He could turn you to stone with a look like that,” Syo muttered; clearly glad it wasn’t him.

Camus checked his watch and got up from the table; returning with something in his hands. “I think it’s because it’s time for these.” 

Tokiya took the medicine with some water under the watchful eyes of Quartet Night.

Everything seemed to go back to normal; loud conversation and mouths full of food. Tokiya let me feed him a few more bites for slumping his head onto my arm. I patted his head and adjusted so he was on my shoulder. He’s not so moody anymore. Just sleepy from the painkillers.   

With the meal finished, everyone else got up to help clean up. I would have normally washed the dishes but I had a more important job; watching over Tokiya.

“I guess with Masa here, you can finally stretch your legs. Huh, Camus?”

“I’ll admit to having the need to use the restroom for far too long,” he excused himself from the kitchen.

I wondered how long Tokiya was asleep on his lap.

But this was the most enjoyable part of the meal for me. The background noise is just chatter, running water and the clattering of dishes. It’s just me and Tokiya; sitting here with my arms around him. We are still visible to everyone but they are busy cleaning. It’s like everything around us was just a blur. He didn’t say a word; just clinging onto me until they were done.

“Are you going to help with the cookies?”

“Cookies?”

“We made cookies while you were resting,” Syo explained as he placed the different coloured icings on the table. “Now we’re decorating.”

“That sounds fun,” Haruka encouraged as she joined us back at the table. 

“I’m fine just watching.”

“Tokiya is a party pooper,” Cecil whined loudly; returning to his seat.

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to,” Tokiya teased back at him.

Cecil looked so confused. He’s never heard that phrase before. But he does have a point. This is Tokiya’s release celebration party.

“It’s fine,” I agreed as I took the purple frosting. “I’ll decorate your cookie for you.”  

Tokiya watched me as I pipped and flooded the cookie to make it entirely purple. While that set, I made a blue star for myself. The other members struggled with the technique of decorating sugar cookies. If it weren’t for Camus, I probably wouldn’t have made the icing the correct consistency. But everyone seemed to be having fun; pipping silly designs and sprinkles going everywhere.

I took one of the heart-shaped cookies and filled it in with purple; decorating it with valentines day sprinkles. Tokiya had to fight a laugh as he watched. I held it out for him to take a bite. He indulged me and finished the cookie.

“Good?”

“Very.”

“They must be,” Otoya mused with a giggle. “If he says so. Tokiya doesn’t eat sweets.”

Camus shuddered at the thought; causing an eruption of laughter. He opened his mouth to argue but decided to let it go. Everyone was having a good time.

“It’s getting late,” Natsuki whined as he finally checked his phone. “We were having so much fun too.”

“I think most of us have work tomorrow,” I sighed as we all realized we had to go back.

“We should be putting Tokiya to bed anyway,” Ai stated bluntly; unaware of the pain in my heart.

“....Thank you.”

“For what, Ichi?”

“For coming to see me.”

“Of course, Tokiya,” Otoya practically yelled as he wrapped his arms around him. “Getter better soon.”

“Any time, Ichi,” Ren agreed as he also gave him a hug.

Syo and Natsuki hugged him as well. Cecil joined in.

I was last on purpose; wrapping my arms around my lover and patting his back. Letting go was hard and I may have held on for a little longer than the others.

“Come back to me--us soon, okay?”

He nodded and waved to us as we walked out the door. I tried to hold myself together but all I could think of was running back to hug him. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally. Next is Valentine's day.


	9. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentine's Day and Ren's birthday. But also it's Tokiya's first night back in the dorms. And Masato has been the one asked to watch over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally. late but I got Valentine's Day chapter done. The song that is part of my inspiration for this fic mentions February so I wanted that to be a part of the story.

The next two weeks were absolute torture. We didn't get to see Tokiya again. Our schedules were overbooked. Every break I called Quartet Night to see Tokiya, they brushed me off. He's either asleep or in pain whenever I called. I questioned Ranmaru about it but he said that's basically how Tokiya has been the entire time. I missed him so much. I did briefly get to talk to him on the phone once. He claimed to miss everyone and wanted to come back but I didn't believe it. He's too embarrassed to return to our group. More than anything, he just wants to be alone with me.

And tomorrow is Valentine's Day and also Ren's birthday. He's not home right now so it's just me in our dorm; wrapping his presents with some music.

_ “I Want You! Want You! Babe!” _

I reached for my phone; surprised to see a call for Kotobuki-senpai. He's more of a texter or showing up unannounced type.

“Masa!”

“Ah.  Hello, senpai.”

“Got a favour to ask you.”

“Of course. What do you need?”

“Quartet Night has a shoot to do tomorrow and the day after. So...would you take care of Tokiya?”

My heart felt like it skipped a beat. I get to take care of my lover. Without the watchful eyes of the older idols.

“Of course. I would glad to.”

“You sure? It's a lot of responsibility.”

“I know.”

“Alright,” he agreed with a yawn. “We'll bring him back to the dorms before we leave...yes...Myu-chan? Hmm? Okay. Here.”

“Masato,” Camus low voice rang through the phone. He sounds tired too.

“Yes, senpai?”

“There's a lot you need to know. Do you have a pen with you?”

“Yes.”

I grabbed my notebook and pencil from the desk; writing down Camus’ very detailed notes of taking care of Tokiya.

“Thank you, Masato.”

“It's no problem really.”

They hung up just in time for Ren to walk in the door.

“Welcome home.”

He groaned and flopped on his bed.

“What's the matter, Jinguji?”

“I have to fly out for work. Tomorrow.”

He's gone tomorrow? Then that would make it me and Tokiya alone.

“On your birthday?”

“Yeah. I have to leave around two o clock.”

“So we'll just change it to a birthday lunch instead of dinner.”

“You're the best, Masa!”

“I know.”

\-----

_ Beep Beep! _

“Ungh.”

Ren groaned at the sound of my alarm but didn't wake up. He just rolled over and pulled the blanket over his head. Good.

I quickly turned off the alarm and threw on a pair of sweatpants. This early no one would see me anyway. Not a soul in sight as I walked down the hallway and to the community kitchen. Pure silence. Kind of eerie but calming.

All the ingredients I prepared yesterday are in the fridge but I now have to change plans. It's no longer dinner but a party lunch. What should make? Hmm…

I settled on making a variety of appetizers and finger foods. Sandwiches would we quick to throw together. Ranmaru and Syo would be cranky without meat. Reiji likes tempura. Camus likes sweets. It's a lot of organizing but I love this kind of thing.

Well, I should get the rice going first. Thank God for rice cookers.

What's next?

I spent the next fifteen minutes chopping up meat and vegetables. The sandwiches could sit in the fridge so I'll work on that next. Especially the cucumber tea sandwiches. Tokiya loves those.

“How's it going, Masa?”

I looked up to see Natsuki entering the kitchen.

“Ah, Natsuki. You're up early.”

“I'm too excited to sleep,” he said with a grin as he pulled up a barstool. “I even finished blowing up the balloons already.”

“Wow. We might finish early in that case.”

“Do you need any help?”

“Could you finish decorating the cookies?”

I gestured to the cookies I baked last night. All I could find was a star-shaped cutter. And I only made orange icing.

“Kay.”

He took the bag and began making cute cookies. That's how he put it. But that kept him out of the food. And he couldn't add any special ingredients.

It took us about another hour but we finished prepping all the food. All that was left was to fry the meat. But there is no point in doing that until lunchtime.

“Natsuki, can you pick up the cake from the bakery?”

“I'm on it!”

He dashed off with his mission while I headed back to the dorms.  Thankfully Ren was still asleep; his loud snores filling the room. He's sound asleep. I still have time to have a shower and change.

The water felt nice but I tried not to let my mind wander. It's not to think about it. Natsuki is excited about the party but I'm giddier that my lover is returning home. I can't wait to see him and hold him. It's usually him kissing me but not today. I'm going to smother him in kisses.

I spent a few minutes trying to decide what to wear. I suppose he'd be too tired to notice but still.  Sighing, I settled on a nice sweater and jeans. Alright. Back to the party.

I walked down to Otoya's room and knocked on the door. He's usually up by now and getting ready to go for a run.

“Hey Masa,” he beamed at me as he opened the door. “Here for the presents?”

“Yes.”

We used this room to hide Ren’s birthday gifts since it was half empty. He wouldn't think to look here. He wouldn't need to borrow any of Otoya's sporting goods. We don't usually use this room to hang out so it should be safe. Ren is the snooping type.

“Hold on a sec.”

He went over to the closet on Tokiya's side of the room; reaching to grab the stack of gifts on the top shelf.

“Need help carrying? I was on my out anyway.”

I took a few of the unstable gifts from the top of the pile. “Please.”

“Lead the way!”

He followed me down to the common area. It looked like Natsuki not only finished the balloons but all the decorations. Happy-birthday banners hung on the wall and streamers dangled from the chandelier. Party hats rested on the coffee table with a set of paper plates. Orange balloons were absolutely everywhere. He even sprinkled Valentine's Day confetti and fake rose petals around the area. Leave it to Natsuki to take it that far. And I know I'll be the one with the vacuum later.

“Natsuki had fun,” Otoya giggled as he placed the presents on the table.

“Seems so.”

“Well, I'm going to go run so I can have a shower before the party.”

“Have a good run,” I called out as he jogged out of the building. “Decorations? Check. Cake? Natsuki is picking it up. Desserts? Check. Presents? Check. Oh, I forgot we need drinks!”

“Want me to run for it?”

Syo walked up to the sofa; grimacing at Natsuki's handiwork.

“Doesn't he realize we have to clean his up later?”

“He's so excited,” I agreed with a small laugh; having had the same thought. “But that would be great if you don't mind.”

“Sure sure. A couple of sodas? Beers for the Senpais if they're coming?”

“They are coming but I doubt they will be drinking, ” I explained, smiling as I thought about them bringing Tokiya. “They have an overnight shoot for the next two days.”

“Ah. Juice and soda then,” he muttered before a sudden realization. “Who's watching Tokiya then?”

“Me.”

“So is he coming too?”

“Yes.”

“Add water or tea to the list then.”

“I've got plenty of tea and a kettle so just worry about the other drinks.”

“I'm on it.”

He hurried out; heading out to the campus store. I can't remember the last time I used it but it would be the best choice right now. For the time, the proximity and having to carry heavy drinks back.

I checked my watch as I walked back to the kitchen. Eleven-thirty. I can start cooking some of the meat now. Ren will be up soon. And he has to leave at two at the latest. Quartet Night has to leave before then so getting it ready now is probably best.

Natsuki returned with the cake as I worked; placing it in the fridge so it wouldn't melt.  He took the cookies over and left to help Syo with the drinks. Cecil texted me to tell me was Ren was awake and showering. As soon as I finished frying everything, I called everyone to help bring it to the common area.

“Wow,” Cecil whispered as we finished displaying the food. “This looks great. Ren will be happy.”

“Speaking of,” Syo said quietly to me. “You should go get him.”

“Alright.”

I hurried back to our dorm; catching Ren just walking out of the shower.

“Oh, you're back.”

“I came to get you,” I said while grabbing my kettle and my tea box. “Everyone is waiting.”

“Okay. I get it. Hurry up.”

“Indeed.”

He dried himself off and threw on some comfy sweats since he's going on a plane after. We walked back to the common area for everyone to jump out.

“Ren!”

“Happy birthday!”

“Happy birthday, Ren!”

“Wow,” Ren whistled as he looked around the room. “You guys went all out!”

“You deserve it, Jinguji.”

“High praise, Masa.”

“Let's eat! I'm starving.”

Everyone grabbed a seat around the table and grabbed a plate. It seems I was right in my choice of doing finger foods. They all grabbed different things.

“Masa is such a good cook!”

“Ren-Ren!”

Reiji waved his arms around as he ran up to us. “Happy birthday!”

The rest of Quartet Night walked up to the table slowly. I could see Tokiya holding onto Camus’ arm as they approached.

“Sorry, we're late,” Ai muttered as he placed their presents with the rest. “Tokiya couldn't decide.”

I looked over at Tokiya; holding a bouquet of yellow roses. Ranmaru took them from his hands to place on Ren's lap.

“Aw, thank you, Tokiya,” Ren said to him with a big smile. With Tokiya being ill, he didn't expect him to even think about his birthday. But that's not Tokiya's style. Even though it's only flowers, it's meaningful. I can picture him in a shop full flowers; unable to decide the perfect bouquet.

“Yellow roses,” I stated as with that image in mind. “Means joy and friendship.”

“Aww, Ichi!”

Tokiya half smiled before Camus guided him to sit down on the couch next to me.  He sat on the other side of him. “We have to go soon so we should enjoy the party.”

I made a cup of tea of Camus and Tokiya while Ranmaru happily dug into the meat.

“Masa needs to be our personal chef,” he chuckled between bites.

“But Ran-Ran, I like it when you cook!”

That just received a roll of his eyes. “Idiot.”

“You should eat, Tokiya,” Ai tried to convince him to no avail.

“Oh, I made these for you.”

I grabbed one of the cucumber sandwiches and put it on a plate for him. He took a bite and smiled. I knew he would eat if I said I made it for him.  Camus on the other hand just ate the cookies.

Nonetheless, I was happy to see everyone enjoying the meal I made.

Natsuki hurried over to the kitchen; returning with the cake and lit candles. Ren made a joke about a wish and blew out the candles. He was quick to serve out the cake for three reasons. One is that he's running out of time. Two presents. And third, Camus.

“So what did you wish for?”

“Ah, nothing.”

“After you brought it up,” Syo questioned as he raised a brow.

“Okay, okay,” he sighed as he gave into the shorter of for a change. “I wished for Tokiya to be well enough to return to STARISH.”

Tokiya immediately covered his face with hands; embarrassed and-or ashamed. Guilty might even be better.  

The group just laughed before handing out our gifts. Shocking, Natsuki bought him an adorable Teddy bear. Camus brought him an expensive box of sweets he thought Ren might like. Syo's and mine went together. We picked out a whole outfit for him. I needed the more fashionable Syo's opinion on a shirt so we just made an outfit.

“Masa, a hundred percent, didn't pick any of this out,” he betted with a grin at me.

“Actually, he picked out the shirt.”

“Really?”

“I did.”

“I'll have to wear it when I get back then.”

Cecil, with much assistance of the baron, picked out a watch for Ren. He always noticed the smallest of details. Like the band of Ren's watching wearing out.

Reiji and Ranmaru bought him tickets to a show. Two tickets. So he could have a nice night out with a friend. Or Nanami probably.

“Thank you, everyone. This has been a great birthday.”

“Your welcome, Ren-Ren!”

“Alas, it is time for us to go,” Ai sighed as he checked his watch.

“Aw,” Reiji whined as he stood up; giving Ren a big hug.

Ranmaru wished him a happy birthday before rubbing Tokiya's head. “You behave for Masa.”

Camus wrapped his arms around Tokiya for a long moment. “Do you have the list I gave you?”

“I do.”

“Don't give into him. Follow the list.”

“Alright.”

He turned his attention to Tokiya; elegantly waving a finger in his face. “And you. There will be Hell to pay if I find out you're not eating again.”

Tokiya's pulled his face away from everyone. I pulled him into my arms; letting him hide on my shoulder. “It'll be fine. He can't say no to me.”

That seemed to be the case for most members of STARISH actually.

Camus looked worried as he hurried off to work with the others. This would be the first time they weren't with him. I heard they gave up almost a month of work to take care of him. Leaving is hard. You could easily tell. They all had this look saying we can't go. Camus didn't even want to let go of him.

Ren got up and took a seat next to Tokiya. “It's my birthday so I get the cuddles.”

Tokiya groaned but didn't argue; shifting into the open spot between his right arm and torso. I flopped my head on Ren's lap with a chuckle.

“Group cuddle!”

Natsuki jumped up and took the space of his left arm. Otoya giggled and put his head on the other thigh. Cecil joined in with Natsuki.

“Come on, Shorty,” Ren taunted with a grin.

“Only because it's your birthday, Jerk.”

He came and laid next to me; sharing the thigh pillow.

“I could get used to his,” Ren mused as he smoothed down my hair.

Before I could even get the word out, I hear my lover groan.

“Don't.”

“Ren just laughed for a few minutes before a long sigh. “I have to go but I don't wanna!”

We all took that as our cue to jump up. Ren gave us all a hug before he left. He's only going to be gone for two days but it's sad still. Leaving on your birthday.

“We should clean up,” I stated as I looked at the mess covering the whole common area.

“Otoya,” Tokiya asked as he picked up a balloon. “Why don't you take these to the orphanage?”  

“Good idea, Tokiya! I'm glad you're back!”

“Is he actually?”

“Possibly,” I tried to explain without making Tokiya relive the details. “He's still on bed rest for the week. Still has to be monitored for now.”

“But he's here while they're gone?”

“They asked Masa to watch him,” Syo chimed in to help.

Otoya looked down with sad puppy eyes. “Why didn't they ask me?”

“They didn't think you could be stern enough,” I sighed; knowing this talk was killing the hell out of Tokiya. “That you would give in to him. Besides, I don't have any filming until they get back. Leaving me plenty of time to watch him.”

Otoya continued to pout like a child. He feels guilty. Tokiya is his roommate. He didn't notice anything. He thinks he should be the one taking care of him.

“He's not going anywhere. He's on bed rest. He'll just be laying down in our room so you can see him.”

“I guess so.”

“We should get back to cleaning,” Tokiya suggested; getting the subject off of him.

“Can you even be moving around?”

“I can handle cleaning this up.”

I crossed my arms and gave him a look. “You sit there and look pretty.”

“Uh oh. I am in trouble already.”

“You will be if you don't rest!”

He gave up and slouched against the couch. Watching everyone else work is driving him crazy. But he's still on bed rest. And I'm not about to let him hurt himself.

Within an hour, we had the whole area clean. Otoya had the balloons together and tied. I don't envy him having to transport them all. Most of the food was gone already but anything left was wrapped up. Otoya also decided to bring it too. The rest of the decorations were put away for the next birthday.  

“Wow done!”

“I'm tired!”

“Have fun with the kids, Otoya,” Syo called out as he waved him off. “Woah. I think it's naptime for Natsuki.”

Natsuki definitely looked like he was about to fall asleep standing up. Syo grabbed his hand and brought him back to their dorm.

Cecil ran off for filming his variety show; leaving just Tokiya and I. He grabbed his bag and followed me back to my room. I shut the door behind me; immediately throwing my arms around him. He rested his hands on the small of my back; kissing my forehead.

“I missed you!”

I had to fight myself from crying. My tears would only hurt him worse.  

“I know, I'm sorry, Masato.”

He pulled me closer; resting my head on his chest. We stood like this in silence for a while; swaying gently. Neither of us wanted to let go. I refused to be away from him for a moment. He didn't want me to be upset. He wanted to comfort me. He wanted to pretend he was fine.

“Hey. You should lay down now,” is what I said but I made no effort to leave his arms.

“I'm going to change first,” he yawned; not moving away either.

“Let me help,” I whispered as my fingers gripped onto the hem of his shirt. He let go long enough for me to pull it off him; returning his hands around me.

My attention was immediately drawn to the stitches on his chest. They looked so painful. They mark up his beautiful pale body. I hate it. My fingers traced over the scar with my lips following behind. He smiled down at me and hugged me tightly.

I moved my hands down his torso, easily sliding his pants off. How badly I wanted to touch him but I knew better. 

He moved away and grabbed his bag; pulling out his pyjamas. Watching him dress just made me want to strip him again. What is wrong with me?

I laid down on my bed; beckoning him to come to me. He obeyed and crawled under the covers. I put my head on chest; just away from the stitches. He's warm. He's finally back in my bed. He's warm. He's holding me.

My eyes suddenly felt so heavy. Them suddenly the world was dark.

\----

My eyes fluttered open to see Tokiya staring down at me. He's smiling. How long as I asleep? Was he watching me the whole time?

“Sorry. I fell asleep.”

“It's alright. You got up early for the party, right?”

“That is correct.”

I sat up and stretched before he pulled me back down. Only this time, completely on top of him. My lips took seconds to meet his. His tongue urged them open for him; deepening our kiss. My hand cupped his head; using it to push him closer. He was not about to be let go.

He pulled away only to drag his lips down my neck. Damn it. He knows I love it when does that. The way he bites my skin without marking it. It makes me want to scream. Please. Don't get turned on.

“Hey Masa,” he whispered into my ear. “You should look in my bag.”

“Why?”

I grabbed the bag from the floor; unzipping it to reveal a big bouquet of red roses. You don't need to be an expert in flower language to know these mean love.  

“Happy Valentine's Day, My love.”

“Tokiya, they're beautiful.”

Such a simple gesture but the tears still welled up in my eyes. They mean so much.  

I got up and grabbed an empty vase; displaying the gorgeous flowers on my table. While I was up, I put Ren's flowers in a vase on the nightstand. 

Even while sick, he remembered Valentine's Day. That Tokiya. He's so wonderful. I hadn't planned on being together for Valentine's Day but I did prepare something. I opened my closet; bringing over a gift box.

“Happy Valentine's Day, my love,” I repeated his words as I handed him the box.

He opened the lid; pulling out a teddy bear. It's technically a Valentine's Day bear with the heart scarf. But I had embroidered "Get well soon Tokiya" in blue thread on the right foot.  

“Oh...Masa.”

He only said my name but I could tell it meant a lot. I had planned to give him the bear in the hospital but I hadn't finished it yet. But it worked out now. He can have it while he's resting and recovering. And I know for fact, Tokiya has nothing like it.

Knock! Knock!

He looked annoyed as I got up to answer the door. Otoya, Natsuki and Syo stood in the doorway with a grin. “We’re here to see the patient.”

“Come in,” I replied as I held the door opened.

“How are you, Tokiya?”

Otoya practically jumped on him with his hug. I know it hurt Tokiya but he didn't remotely show it. He knows his roommate is worried. So he just let him hold him and rubbed his head.

“I'm fine.”

“Did you take a nap?”

“Yes.”

Nope. I'm pretty sure he just watched me sleep.

“Good,” Syo stated as he sat on the edge of the bed. “You should rest and get better.”

“Cute,” Natsuki squealed as he picked up the teddy bear.

“Masa gave it to me.”

He sounds so proud.

“A Valentine's bear?”

“It's February so that's all they add. I didn't finish it until the other day.”

“It's so cute!”

“It made him happy,” I mused with a smile. “Though I had wanted to give it to him before his surgery.”

“I'm still happy though. There wasn't really room in my bed anyway. I got sandwiched by Quartet Night most of the time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Reiji didn't want to let me go. Ranmaru or Camus would constantly comfort me.”

“They said you were clingy with Camus,” Syo teased; earning a heavy sigh.

“That is what they told me.”

“Cecil was jealous. Cause he would never get attention from Camus like that.”

“Cecil does not want to end up in my situation,” he muttered; not wanting to talk about himself. His voice started sounding rough towards the word ‘my.’

“Would you like a tea, Tokiya?”

“Yes please.”

I got up and refilled the kettle; making him a tea with honey. Just the way he likes it. He didn’t say anything more; just enjoying the warmth on his throat.

“Ooh, what pretty flowers,” Natsuki mused as he noticed the roses on the table. “Stunning.”

“Tokiya brought them,” I said as I looked back those gorgeous roses.

“Roses for Masa?”

“They were too beautiful to pass up,” he whispered between sips. “It seemed weird to get Ren roses. But Masa likes flowers more anyway.”

“True.”

“Anyway, we’re going to grab a pizza for dinner,” Syo announced as he jumped up from the bed. “Want some?”

Tokiya shook his head. He’s not up to that yet. I said no as well; not going to eat it without Tokiya.

“Aww,” Otoya whined; pouting childishly. “I was hoping we could eat together…”

“You guys go ahead,” I suggested; trying to work this out. “I’m going to make something more light for him. Then we can all eat together?”

“Okay!”

The others excitedly hurried off; deciding what kinds of order. I took Tokiya’s hand and guided him to the community kitchen. He took a seat at one of the stools; resting his head on hands. He looks pretty tired.

“You don’t have to cook for me,” he whispered as he watched me pull things out of the fridge.

“I do,” I stated bluntly as I began chopping onions. “I don’t want to be on your side when Camus finds out you aren’t eating.”

He just groaned in response and watched me cook silently. I didn’t mind. It was just enough to be together with him.

Syo and Natsuki turned up not long after with a pizza box. Otoya followed with the soda leftover from the party.

“Whatcha making, masa?”

“A vegetable soup. Though mostly broth.”

“That doesn’t seem like much food,” Syo commented as he looked at the bowl of broth.

“He’s not quite up to big meals yet,” I explained as I put the bowl in front of him.

“Thank you, Masa.”

“For you? It’s no problem.”

I pulled up a stool next to Tokiya and the other three sat to the other side of him. I wound up having a few slices of pizza after all. Tokiya said it didn’t bother him any. That said, we were all done two slices and he hadn’t taken a bite. He’s just stirring absentmindedly with his spoon.

“Here,” I sighed softly; pulling the spoon from his hand and feeding him. “You have to eat.”

He made a noise like a grunt or a groan. “Leave me alone, Masa” maybe? Doubtful. He’s not capable of saying it or even thinking of it. I know he doesn’t want to eat. Something is wrong. But he can’t take his medicine on an empty stomach either. He’s worrying me and he wants me to stop. Yet he can’t will himself to pretend to eat.

I wouldn’t give him back the spoon; slowly feeding him at least half the bowl.

“You have to feed him now,” Syo barked; completely not knowing anything. He just thinks I’m babying Tokiya.

“If he’s not eating,” I sighed; almost in annoyance but it’s mostly from the worrying. “Then yes. I have to.”

“Is that what Camus was talking about?”

I nodded. “He was caught spitting out food.”

“Tookiiiiyyyya,” Otoya whined more than lectured his roommate.

Tokiya’s cheeks turned red; hiding his face into the countertop. He didn’t want anyone to know. Least of all me. He’s upset that they told me. But of course, they did. I’m the one watching him while they are away. He knows everyone is going to be watching him now. And the thought makes him sick.

“It is getting late,” I sighed; rubbing his back gently. “Let’s get your meds in you and get in bed.”

He slowly lifted his head; barely looking at me and definitely not the others. I took the bottles out of the pocket with the list Camus gave me. He explained which pills I was supposed to give him and when. Tomorrow is his last day on the painkillers. Then he’s back to regular medication. Looking at the list, I counted out the three different pills and put the rest back in my pocket.

“Open up,” I instructed; feeding him the meds the way Camus told me. He insisted that I do not allow him to take them himself.

“His medicine too?”

“They don’t trust him with it,” I explained; helping Tokiya with some water. “Good. Let’s get you to bed. I know you’re tired.”

“Night Tokiya.”

“Feel better, Tokiya.”

“Good night.”

He waved and walked down with me to my dorm. At least no one will bother us now. They think Tokiya’s gone to bed.

“Masa?”

“Hm?”

“Do you have a hot water bottle?”

“I do. Would you like me to fill it up?”

“Yes please.”

“Lay down and I’ll do it for you.”

He obeyed and laid down while I got the bottle ready. I had forgotten Camus mentioned Tokiya was using one a lot when he was at their apartment. He took it from me and placed it where the stitches were.

“Does that help?”

“A little bit.” 

I lifted up the blankets and covered us both. He pulled me on top of him; resting his hands on the small of my back.  

“You know, I still owe you a punishment,” I mused as I smirked down at him. “And you’ve been very bad since I was away from you.”

“You don’t have the nerve,” he taunted back at me.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered as I traced the stitches with a finger. I lowered myself to lay on top of him; my lips whispering into his ear. “Right now, your lungs won’t be able to hold up with what I want to do to you.”

His eyes went wide as his cheeks burned a deep red colour. I’m surprised I even got the line out without exploding.

“Who are you and what have you done with Masato Hijirikawa?"

“Apparently this is what happens when you leave me alone for too long,” I said; trying to sound cool but it came out as more of a whine.

“I better fix that then,” he whispered; pulling me into a kiss. His fingers shifted to grip my hips; pressing down so I grind against him. This could be dangerous but neither one of care. He’s fighting the urge to grab at my cheeks. That much I could tell.

My tongue ran along his lips; urging them open. He obeyed and let my tongue slip inside. Normally he does it to me. Now I’m using it against him; copying the way he makes me melt under his tongue. I want him to feel how much I love him.

He squirmed beneath me so I trailed my lips to his neck; kissing it before biting it gently. He moaned and arched up into me. Once I was satisfied there was no mark, I did it again. I absolutely adore it when he gives my neck attention. Now it’s my turn to repay the favour. 

“Dear god,” he whispered; unable to keep still under all my affection. “What happened to my Masato?” 

My hands instinctively went back to his stitches.  

“What happened to my Tokiya?” 

“He fell more in love with you.” 


	10. Tempting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiya seemed fine yesterday but what about today?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Sorry about that weird glitch with Chp-6-7 but I think I got it fixed now.

“... Tokiya?”

I opened my eyes to see Tokiya moving around; using his phone as a light.  It's still dark out. It must not even be close to morning yet.

“Go back to sleep.”

“Should you be moving around so much?”

“It's fine. I'm just reheating the hot water bottle.”

“Is it hurting again?”

He nodded.

“Come back to bed.”

He crawled back in bed; letting me wrap my arms around him. I hummed for a few minutes and looked down at him. Finally asleep again.

\----

This is a sight I wish I could wake up to every morning. Tokiya is just beautiful. He's watching me as I slowly come to. His lips were formed into the gentlest of smiles. I wonder how long he's been awake? Or if he even slept?

“Good morning, beautiful.”

I smiled; pulling him closer for a kiss. He obliged and slowly pressed his lips on mine. His hands cupped my cheeks but he didn't pull away. No motions. Just the light pressure between our lips

My fingers ran up his shirt; playing an imaginary piano on his chest. It urged him to deepen our kiss. His tongue slipped past my lips as I started to melt in his arms.

“Must you be so tempting this early in the morning?”

“Perhaps.”

“True. You are always tempting me.”

My cheeks burned at that one. He always knows how to get me worked up. Or rather hot-n-bothered in simple terms. But now is not the time for that.

But it is very tempting…

“What time is it?”

“After eight.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I'm fine.”

I leaned forward and pecked his lips. “ I'm going to shower. Join me?”

“That's an offer I can't refuse,” he chuckled as he sat up.

I stood up; feeling his gaze over me. He's watching me as I grab a fresh pair of clothes to change into after. Even as I grabbed some from his bag. 

“Come,” I beckoned as I walked towards the bathroom. Like an obedient servant, he followed behind me. “Strip.”

His hands gripped the hem of his shirt; slowly lifting it upwards. As his beautiful body came into view, my fingers went straight for those ugly stitches. I hate them. They mark him. But worse of all, it's a constant reminder he's in pain.

He slid his pants down; immediately moving his fingers to the waistband of mine. If I'm tempting him, he's tempting me right back. It's a dangerous game we're playing. But neither one of us can stop the other.

It didn't take long for either of us to be stripped and under the spray of hot water. I was the one under it first to wash my hair. Tokiya just wanted to soak in the warmth.

His fingers massaged my scalp and through my hair. The touch is so gentle as he guided the water through; rinsing the shampoo away. I'm supposed to be taking care of him but here he is, taking care of me. He's washing my hair for me.

“I love you,” I mused; unable to hide the smile as I watched him.  He's elegant, beautiful and somehow adorable all in one.

He smiled and leaned forward to kiss my lips. He didn't have to respond for me to hear “I love you too.”

“Your turn.”

He turned around; letting me press my chest to his back. The water ran on his chest; soothing some of his pain. I’d say I was washing his back but I was mostly drawing soapy shapes on his skin. He didn't seem to mind; enjoying finally being able to feel my fingers.

“Masato,” he whispered as my hand grabbed at his hip. His head tipped back; allowing me to give his neck some affection. How badly I wanted to mark him but I know I can't. Very tempting though.

I had to shut the water off to stop myself from going further. But that didn't stop me from rubbing him down with a towel. I lose myself when I'm with him. I often wonder who am I?

He wouldn't let me help dress him for good reason. Not that he was wearing much more than pyjamas pants and sweater. I think it's the most casually dressed I've ever seen Tokiya.  I can tell that’s just how tired he is. He has no real desire to do anything (other than me) and that’s so unlike him. But his smile at least keeps me from going insane with worry.

“Let’s get breakfast,” I said after dressing myself. “I have leftover soup if you would like.”

“Yeah, that's fine,” he agreed with a nod. “What about you?”

“Hmm...I’ll heat up your soup and bring to the cafeteria. Maybe we’ll catch the others for breakfast.”

“If you say so.”

We walked closely to the community kitchen; painfully not holding hands. He didn’t seem to need me as a brace like Camus yesterday. That feeling is creeping back up into my heart. Knowing that he is here. That things will be going back to normal. Not touching him. Not holding him. Hiding around the others. Back to pretending we’re not in love.

I decided just to microwave the broth in a mug. One it would be easier to carry while walking. Two it might make it easier for him to drink it rather than eat. He carried it down to the cafeteria, insisting that he was fine enough.  None of the others were there yet. Aside from a few idols, the place is pretty empty. Once Tokiya was seated, I left to order my breakfast at the counter. A melon pan and some tea. One for me and one for him.

He chuckled as I took a seat with my bread. “You sure love that stuff.”

“Bread is common for breakfast, is it not?”

“True. True.”

He looked at me with a relaxed smile. My heart skipped a beat. He’s starting to look normal. Tired but more like the Tokiya I know. He even drank the broth without my assistance. Though I’m not sure if that was just to appease me or was he feeling better.

Melon pan and broth finished, I glanced at my watch. “Let’s get your painkiller in you.”

He nodded; taking his medicine and the one painkiller from my hand. His last one before he’s back to the regular pills. “Last one.”

“Last one.”

He sighed as he gulped them down with some tea; mentioning he wouldn’t miss the bitter taste.

“I’m glad you’re getting better,” I mused with a grin towards him. “I won’t have to be lonely anymore.”

He sighed again with a guilty look on his face. Though it quickly turned into a mischievous smirk. “Oh when I can breathe well again, I’m going to make you--”

“Toookiya!”

Otoya hugged, practically jumped on, Tokiya from behind; appearing out of nowhere. The others walked up as well.

“Morning!”

Natsuki beamed as he took a seat next to Tokiya; Syo on the other side. Otoya and Cecil sat on either side of me.  

“So glad we can have breakfast together,” Otoya giggled like a happy child.

“Did you guys already eat?”

“We did. But by all means, join us.”

“Anyone have any jobs today?”

“Just me,” Cecil sighed before taking a sip of orange juice. “Filming more of that tv show.”

“Still enjoying it?”

“Yup. It's so much fun! And I'm even getting better at acting.”

“I'm proud of you,” I mused; patting his shoulder.

“Thank you, Masa!”

Wait a second. Tokiya is gone.

I looked up; seeing his chair empty. That's odd. I didn't see hear him stand up. Wait. Where is he? No one seemed to have noticed. They're still talking like nothing happened.

I jumped to my feet; the chair loudly scratching the floor.

“What's wrong, Masa?”

“Where’s Tokiya?”

“Oh. When did he leave?”

I practically dashed out of the cafeteria. If something wasn't wrong, he would have just excused himself.  I checked my room but he wasn't there.

“Find him?”

The other members came up behind me with equally worried looks.

“He's not here.”

Otoya opened the door to his room. “Not here either.”

“Call him?”

“Can't. He left his phone behind.”

“Where else could he be?”

“Have you tried the common area?”

“Not yet.”

“Let's go then!”

The group hurried over to the common area but Tokiya was nowhere in sight. So we decided to split up.

“Ungh…”

What was that?  

I opened the door to the public bathroom.

“Ungh…”

Oh. Someone is vomiting in one of the stalls. I should go help them. Stepping into the bathroom, one of the stalls was open. They didn't even make it in time to close the door.

Wait.

“Tokiya!”

I immediately knelt down to him; rubbing his back as he emptied his stomach. Poor thing. It sounds awful. He's barely eating lately. How can he vomit so much?

“Are you okay?”

“....yeah.”

Not caring where we were, I sat down with my back against the stall. I gently pulled his head down so it rested on my shoulder. He's trying to recover his breath. We could stay here as long as he needed.

“Are you okay enough to walk back to the room?”

“Yes.”

I guided him to his feet; slowly walking him back to my dorm. He still looks really pale and green.

“Lay down,” I ordered as I guided him to the bed. “I'll get you some water.”

I hurried to the community kitchen; sending a text to the others on the way. Wasting no time, I returned with a jug of ice water. He chugged it down; wanting to erase the taste of sick.

“Slow down. You'll make it worse.”

He obeyed and drank much slower.

“What happened?”

He looked down; not wanting to tell me.

“Tokiya. Please.”

“Otoya…”

“Oh. Did he hit your stomach when he hugged you?”

He nodded. “It's not his fault...it's really sensitive.”

“Rest for now. Can I do anything else?”

“Hold me.”

“That is something I'm more than willing to do.”

I laid down next to him; covering us with the blanket. He buried his face into my chest. My fingers knotted into his hair as I cradled him close. He's still feeling sick. What can I do?

I know.

Sing.

_“I want you. Want you, baby.”_

_“Promise to you.”_

_“If I was your lover.”_

_“A never-ending love story.”_

I think I sang every Quartet Night song in existence. It seemed to keep him calm but it couldn't lull him to sleep as I hoped. I wondered if he was missing the senpais who took care of him. It's the first time they've been apart in almost a month. That's why I sang their songs. I imagined that they sang for him a lot.

_Knock! Knock!_

He whimpered as I pulled away; getting up to answer the door. Otoya, Natsuki and Syo stood the doorway.

“How is he?”

“He's calmed down a bit.”

They walked in and took a seat on Ren's bed. I returned to Tokiya; resting his head on my lap. He's too embarrassed to turn his head and face them.

“What happened?”

“His stomach is really sensitive,” I explained; purposely leaving out the real reason but keeping it truthful. “Camus did mention it happens.”

“Really?”

“They think it’s the painkillers..”

“Do you think he'll be okay?”

“He just needs time to recover.”

Tokiya shifted around in my lap. I moved my hand; smoothing down his hair to soothe him.

“I'm worried about him,” Otoya whined; pulling his chin up to his knees.

I didn't need to see Tokiya's face to know the sad expression he's making. He hates everything going on right now.  Being sick. Being worried about. Having Otoya worry. He's praying to wake up normal again. The way we all look at him now is torture.

“We all are,” I agreed; still trying to calm him and Otoya. “But it will take time for him to go back to normal.”

“I wish there was something we could do,” Natsuki agreed with unusually sad eyes.

“I guess we just have to keep taking care of him,” Syo sighed as he stood up from the bed. “There must be something we can do for him.”

Tokiya half rolled over; using his arm to gesture to the hot water bottle. He was grasping at straws to find something to ask for. It hurts him to see people worried about him. He doesn't want to ask for them. But they want to help. If he doesn't ask, they're sad. He's in a limbo of trying to make everyone else happy but not himself.

“You need me to refill this?”

He nodded.

“Gotcha.”

Syo smiled as he dumped the cold water into the sink and refilled the kettle. He looked glad that Tokiya asked for at least something. As small as it may be.  He returned with it; handing it over to Tokiya's grateful hands. Tokiya rested it on his chest as he rolled over a little more.

“I thought it was for his stomach,” Syo muttered as he scratched his head in confusion.

“He likes the heat on his stitches,” I explained; helping Tokiya get comfortable.

“The stitches are on his chest?”

Tokiya pulled down the zipper of his sweater; exposing the ugly trail of his stitches.

“Oh. That's bigger than I expected…”

“They look really sore…”

“They're not,” he whispered; trying to ease their worry. He pulled the zipper back up and covered his chest with the blankets.

“Will they go away?”

“Eventually.”

“When are Quartet night coming back?”

“Tomorrow. Around eleven.”

“Are they,” Otoya muttered; pouting slightly with his big puppy dog eyes. “Taking him back?”

“It depends on his condition,” I explained as I ran my fingers through to Tokiya's hair. It's the only thing I could think to comfort him. He doesn't want them to see his pain. “Ultimately it's up to them and Tokiya. He's still on bed-rest until next week.”

“So he's missing the dance show we are doing,” Syo noted as he fiddled with his hat.  

“Oh yeah. I forgot,” Natsuki announced; slapping his forehead. “Shining decided to pull Masato and me from the show. So it's less obvious who's missing.”

“Thanks, Tokiya,” I chuckled as I patted his back. “I didn't want to do it anyway.”

“Anytime.”

“What about you, Shinomiya?”

“Syo and Otoya are better dancers than I am anyway. If you guys don't get replacement work, we should hang out!”

“That sounds good.”

I was surprised to hear that from Tokiya but he's probably lonely.  

“Do you think you'll be back at work soon, Tokiya?”

“I can't sing for a while,” he replied; trying his best to talk normally. His voice is still sore for long periods of talking. “I can't really act or dance either. But I could probably handle a photo shoot or a variety show.”

“What about our new song?”

“I imagine once my rest is over, Shining will have me record my piece separately.”

“Isn't that dangerous?”

“Probably.”

“Don't strain yourself!”

“I don't think Masa could handle it if I did.”

“That's right! I'll have to be more strict with you if you don't take care of yourself.”

“Oooh. Scary “

He's smiling as he teased me. I can't say no to him. And he knows it.

“I can be scary!”

“I would like to see that,” he mused; smirking up at me.

Don't tempt me, Tokiya.

“I assure you,” I tried to bark but it was more of a chuckle. “You do not.”

“You two sure get along well,” Natsuki observed with a winning grin.

We both froze. Did they notice? Did he think we were lovers?

“They're so alike,” Otoya whined; reaching over to poke Tokiya. “It's not fair! He's not like that with me!”

“Don't worry so much,” I assured him; trying to hide my nervousness. “I'm just easy to tease.”

“Your reactions are funny.”

“Ungh. You sound like Jinguji.”

“Now that's an insult.”

“You're doing it again,” Syo muttered as he crossed his arms.

“Oops.”

“Otoya is jealous,” he pointed out like it was annoying him.

“I have no intention of upsetting you,” I apologized; leaning my head against the wall. I can't say I don't feel guilty. Otoya is very open about his affection for his roommate. But they don't run together well. Tokiya adores Otoya. But not in the same way as me. I know he's afraid it will upset him and the others if they find out we are lovers.

“I know,” Otoya sighed; resting his head on his knees. “It's like he's only opened up to you.”

“That's where you're wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I've barely got the door open a crack.”

Okay, maybe a little more than a crack. Considering half the time our lips are smothering the others. But it's not like we that open. He still keeps to himself. He doesn't want me to worry. Just be happy. That was more than enough for him.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Mostly, I've just learned to give into Masa,” he joked as he slowly sat himself up. “Have you ever tried to say no to him?”

“True. That's hard.”

“I don't know why everyone says that…”

“Ask Ren.”

“....I'd rather not.’

Natsuki chuckled as he stood up from the bed. “We should get to practice.”

“Yeah. Probably.”

“Get some rest, Tokiya.”

They waved on their out; promising to call and see if Tokiya can eat dinner last.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Not as nauseous but sore.”

“Oh right. You wouldn't have that painkiller in you.”

He nodded; shifting himself onto my lap.  His back is pressed against my chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist. My chin rested perfectly in the space between his neck and shoulder.

“Hmm... you're warm,” he sighed; almost like he's melting in my arms.

“Are you cold?”

“Yeah.”

“Allow me to warm you up.”

I tilted his head back; hovering over him as I placed my lips on his. One of my hands moved a little lower to stroke his thigh. The other found its way up his shirt. He gasped at the touch. Was my hand cold? Or was it the surprise of my boldness?

My hand cupped his chest as my fingers gently teased his nipple.

“Masa,” he whispered; pressing back against me.   

I couldn't resist placing my lips on his. He must need my attention; parting his lips without urging. Gladly, I deepened the kiss while my hands caressed his body. He couldn't help moaning but it was muffled by my mouth.

Good.

I wanted to distract him from the discomfort. Make him think of something else. Make him think of me. And me alone.  

I moved my hand higher on his thigh. He gasped in anticipation. I kissed his cheek as I shifted my leg between his legs. He couldn't believe how bold I was being. That much I could tell. I'm not exactly this forward. Or do I claim to know what I'm doing. Right now, I just want to make him feel better.  For that, I would do anything.

“God,” he muttered as he slowly rubbed himself on my leg. “I don't know what's gotten into you today....but I can't say I don't like it.

“It's because of you--”

I cut myself off to kiss him. Not a hungry kiss but not a gentle one either. Neither one of us pulled away. My hands continued to tease him but my mouth silenced any of his reactions. He's like putty in my hands. And he doesn't mind at all.

He's getting hard against my hand. I could even feel it on my thigh. He's getting needy.  

“How should I make you moan?”

He didn't answer; struggling for what he wants. And I was a hundred percent going to take advantage of it.

“Hmm?”

My hand rubbed over the bulge forming in his pants. Good thing he wasn't wearing tight pants. Especially for my hand to slip inside.

“Uh..I...I-”

“What was that,” I teased him as my fingers gripped around the base of his cock. My hand moved just a little bit faster.

“I..god…”

He's not normally like this...

...but then again, neither am I.

“Please.”

All I needed was that one word. I moved my hand much faster until he released. His breathing got a little heavier; panting somewhat. Probably wasn't my smartest move but he seemed relieved.

“Feel any better?”

“You are evil, Masa,” he whined but it wasn't a complaint.

“Only for you,” I agreed, laying him down after a quick kiss. “Let's relax now.”

“You started it,” he muttered; as he buried his face into the pillow.

My hand slipped into his shirt; slowly rubbing his back. He's gotten quiet now. Content. Just listening to my voice. As long as I talked, he could rest. It's helping with his pain.

And that's how the rest of the evening was spent. He just wanted to relax and sleep. Just being next to me was enough for him. Syo had to bring me dinner. Tokiya wasn't well enough to eat but didn't mind me eating. The others decided not to stay; thinking Tokiya was sleeping.

Sleeping with Tokiya? The perfect way to end the night.

\-----

“Masa?”

The door opened slowly and an exhausted-looking Ren crept through. He knew I would be awake but he wasn't sure about Tokiya. I was sitting up in bed. A rather cranky Ichinose laid with his head on my lap. The hot water bottle rested once again on his chest. The night was rough for him. And all I could do is comfort him.

“Welcome back, Jinguji.”

“How's the patient?”

“Not well, I'm afraid.”

Ren dropped his duffle bag on his bed; realizing it hadn't been slept in since he left.

“I thought Ichi would use my bed,” he yawned; more than ready to pass out.

“For the sake of my sanity,” I explained only part of the truth. “I had him sleep with me. Just in case. They said he had gotten sick some nights.”

“You worry too much.”

“He was sick all day yesterday. It's natural for me to be concerned.”

“I suppose it must be bad,” he sighed; lazily throwing his clothes on the floor before crawling into bed. “For him to lay in your lap like that. He’s just as bad as you. If not worse, when it comes to people touching him. Though I bet it’s only you who he’ll let touch him.”

“We have a mutual understanding of each other’s comfort zone,” I explained or tried to anyway. Ren is suspicious of Tokiya and I. We need to be more careful. But avoiding each other has become the most painful feeling. “He’s in pain, Ren.”

First name. He looked at me and knew that meant I was serious.

“Do you need me to do anything?

I shook my head. “He just wants to rest like this. Besides, you should get some rest as well. A model shouldn’t have dark circles like that.”

“If you say so.”

He pulled the covers over him and rolled over to face us. My words made him too concerned for him to sleep now. Neither of us said anything more. The only thing breaking the silence was Tokiya’s heavier breathing. The sound drove both Ren and me insane with worry. We had the same fear; him needing to go back to the hospital.

_Knock! Knock!_

I looked at my watch to check the time. 10? Who could it be?

I can’t get up and Ren was too tired to stand up. He just yelled, “Come in!”

The door opened and Quartet Night walked into the room. They’re early.  

“Ah. Welcome back, Senpais”

Tokiya sat himself up; immediately reaching out for Camus to hold him. That was a shock. I thought he would be eager to get away from his doting mentors. Not to go back to them. I felt a twinge in my chest. Was I not doing a good job taking care of him?

“Looks like Tokki missed us,” Reiji chuckled; reaching up to ruffle the younger idol’s hair.

“I think he only missed Camus,” Ai stated but he knew it wasn’t really true.

“Thanks for looking after him, Masa,” Ranmaru said with a tired smile.

“It is never a problem.”

“How was he?”

“The first day he was well. Yesterday and this morning? Not so much.”

“Did he eat?”

“He tried to eat for me the first night. Yesterday he threw up and hasn’t eaten since.”

“But he ate something?”

I nodded. “Only because I made it. It’s worrying me. He has no appetite at all.”

“That's been bothering us too,” Ranmaru agreed; patting my shoulder. “You did fine. You got him to try.”

“He’s still in pain though…”

“He should be done his painkillers,” Ai recalled as he started picking up Tokiya’s things. “The doctors told us that he would be until he got used to not having them again. It’s nothing to stress over.”

Somehow that didn’t bring me any relief.

“I guess we should bring him back with us,” Camus sighed; cradling him close. It’s almost funny how to two of the least affectionate idols are cuddling like that. But its more concerning than anything.

“He needs to be independent eventually,” Ranmaru stated; sounding annoyed but I knew it was because he was worried.

“I don’t think he is ready yet,” Camus returned; feeling Tokiya’s forehead for a fever. “I don’t think Otoya can handle this much care yet. We can’t expect Masato to be able to do it alone either.”

“I guess. Let’s take him home then.”

“The car is waiting,” Ai agreed; having Tokiya’s bag on his shoulder.

“Let’s go, kiddo.”

Reiji and Ai helped him up; guiding him out the car. Ranmaru and Camus stayed behind.

“I can tell you’re blaming yourself,” Ranmaru muttered as he gripped onto my left shoulder. “I don’t need to have been here to know you took good care of him.”

Camus’ hand much more gently touched my right shoulder but his touch was icy. “We know you did well. Don’t stress so much.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks at their words. I don’t know if it was from thinking I failed or just knowing Tokiya is still in pain. Or maybe it’s because he’s leaving.

“I knew this would happen.”

Ranmaru pulled his arms around me. “None of this is your fault. He will get better. It’s just going to take time and care.”

The two older idols and Ren comforted me until the tears stopped. My chest hurt and my eyes were swollen. I don’t know what to do or what to think.

“Okay. That's it,” Ren announced as he dragged me to my feet. “Come on! We’re going out and doing something fun!”

“Good idea, Ren,” Ranmaru agreed as he stood up to leave.

“Now that's a rarity,” Camus mused with a slight grin. I couldn’t hold back the snort. If I were thinking straight, I would have said the same thing.

Ren pouted but couldn’t hold it after I laughed. He was relieved to hear the sound. And that’s what he tried to make me do all afternoon.


	11. What am I to do with you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiya is back...maybe...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yeah this chapter is going to be fluffy *immediately bends Masato over a piano*

“I don't know why but I have the strangest craving for octopus!”

Otoya covered his mouth as he held back a laugh at Ren's bizarre statement.  

Syo looked the most confused. “What the heck man?”

We were talking about it what we should make today. STARISH was invited to be on this new celebrity cooking show. We could suggest making almost anything as long they had the ingredients on set. It's better if we have an idea before the camera starts rolling. So we’re hanging out in our dressing room until then.

The door opened slowly and in walked Kurosaki-senpai followed by…

“Tokiya!”

My heart melted at the sight of him even though I saw him a few days ago. I didn't get to talk to him after he left with Quartet Night. I called a few times but they told me he was either asleep or grumpy. I called Camus about it but he said that's basically how Tokiya was. Adjusting to not having painkillers left him tired and cranky. He would be fine soon.

“Are you coming to film with us?”

“Yes,” he replied without even a smile.

“Are you sure you can handle it?”

Ranmaru looked at him with worry plastered on his face.

“It's just a variety show,” Tokiya groaned; clearly tired of everyone fussing over him. “I'm not dancing or singing. I can handle this much.”

“If you're sure,” Ranmaru sighed worriedly; handing Tokiya his bag. “Then I'll be back for you when my work is done.”

After a nod in response, he left for his own work. Otoya grinned from ear to ear. Natsuki practically beamed towards him. But it was me who made the first move. I couldn't help myself.

I reached out; firmly placing my hand on his shoulder. “We’re glad to have you back.”

He finally smiled; a soft smile but nonetheless a smile.  

Otoya hugged him from the left and Natsuki from the right. He looked uncomfortable to me but didn't show it to the others. Even Syo gave him a grin.

“Welcome back, dude.”

“I'm glad to be back,” he sighed as the others finally pulled away. “Believe it or not, I missed you guys.”

All I heard was I missed you.

“More like you missed work,” Ren snorted with a roll of his eyes. Tokiya is a workaholic and we all know it.

“Even so, I cannot sing yet.”

That must be torture for him.

“Filming is starting,” a staff member called out with a knock on the door.

“Shall we?”

Finally, as a group of seven, we left the dressing room.

 

\----

“So what were you thinking of making for the fans today?”

The host stood in front of the long workspace on set. It had to be lengthened to accommodate the size of our group. The wall behind us even had double ovens. We stood in a line behind the counter; smiling as we always do.

“My vote was for seafood,” Ren announced while giving smouldering looks to the fans in the audience.

“I said curry but that takes too long,” Otoya whined with a playful pout.

“You guys have been into decorating cookies lately,” Tokiya pointed out like it was the most obvious choice in the world. “I believe the fans would enjoy that.”

“That's an excellent idea, Tokiya!”

The host loved the idea so we were to start immediately.  Tokiya and Ren were making the dough while the rest of us were in charge of cutting out shapes. I kept glancing at them; checking on Tokiya. He seemed fine. Not in any visible pain. He's breathing fine. He doesn't look nauseated. His voice sounds normal when he talked but he wasn't talking much. Ren seemed to be talking the recipe to the cameras. Tokiya is smiling. He must be grateful.

 

The fans in the audience were loving it. We heard a lot of aws as we made pressed out the shapes. Cecil and Natsuki kept them informed about what the decoration plans were. Syo seemed amused as he watched Natsuki make many piyo-chan cookies. Ren kept making promises to feed the ladies in the audience too. That guy sometimes…

The cookies need to be oven ASAP so most of the show would be use decorating. We weren't using any cooking show magic today.

“And cut! STARISH can take five!”

As soon as the break was announced we moved off the set. The staff needed to clean the counter and prepare the decorations.  We turned off our mics and stood off the stage. The audience couldn't see us but staff members could.

Tokiya grabbed his water bottle and took a long swig. I couldn't help but feel worried.

“How are you feeling?”

“I'm fine, Masa. Really.”

“Are you sure you can handle this?”

“It's not that much. I promise I'm fine.”

He patted my shoulder; giving me a reassuring squeeze.

Syo stepped towards us as he re-tied his apron strings. “Are you still doing fine, Tokiya?”

Tokiya looked surprised to hear that from Syo; his lips forming into a smile. “I'm doing good.”

“I'm glad. No pain at all?”

“None.”

I could tell he was lying. The pain is minor but it's still there.

“Are you ready to do the second half?”

He nodded.  

“STARISH on standby!”

The sound technician came over to turn our mics back on and make sure they were working. They had us switch up places in the line. Syo was the end and Otoya on the other. I was to Tokiya's right and Natsuki to his left.  Since I had steady hands, I was in charge of piping between the three of us.

The fans cheered as Tokiya placed chocolate chips for eyes on the piyo-chan cookies. Probably cause Natsuki was beaming; loudly singing the theme song. The other members looked over at the noise and let out laughter. STARISH in its natural state. Natsuki is happy. Syo is cringing. Ren is amused. Otoya and Cecil laugh and join in. Tokiya and I? Smile at our happy friends but stay silent.

A heart cookie? I should make it blue to give to the fans in the audience. My hands shook as I tried to pipe the border. The blue icing was much stiffer than the yellow for whatever reason. I couldn't get it out.

“Eeee!”

I heard the fans squeal as I felt Tokiya's arms come around me. Between the two sets of hands, we managed to get the icing out. The fans absolutely loved watching us. My face may have been red but I couldn't say I wasn't happy.

“Get a room,” Syo jokingly called out; just to add fuel to the flames.

I'm pretty sure I heard a   _please_ from the audience.

“Why don't you help me like that, Syo-chan!”

“You don't need my help, you big oaf!”

Ren looked like he could collapse from laughing too hard. He always finds amusement in everything they do.

“Speaking of,” the host chuckled as she moved in front of the counter. “I heard Masato and Tokiya on break. Are you unwell, Tokiya?”

“Masato is quite the worrier,” he chuckled as he playfully nudged my arm. “If any member starts showing signs of being sick, he starts worrying and mothering them.”

Well, that's not far from the truth. I love my friends and take care of them when they are unwell.

“Are you sick?”

“It was just a minor fever. Nothing more. Masato is over worrying.”

And there is the lie. I have every right to worry.

“If you paid attention to yourself,” I sternly lectured back at his remark. “I wouldn't have to worry.”

“I'm jealous,” Ren whined to change the subject. “Hijiri never takes care of me!”

“That is because you never get sick.

“Syo-chan took care of me last time I got sick!’

“You know it's funny,” Otoya mused as he popped a candy into his mouth instead of on the cookie. “When I got sick, Tokiya lectured my ear off.”

Tokiya crossed his arms but he couldn't help but laugh. “Do as I say. Not as I do.”

“I don't get him,” Cecil stated in confused wonder. It’s not the first time he’s said that about Tokiya and it won’t be the last.

“I agree, Cesshi,” Ren chuckled; putting his hand on Tokiya’s shoulder.

Tokiya huffed and brushed everyone off. We’re all just playing for the camera. But he still hates being the center of attention.

“You boys sure get along well,” the host observed amongst all our laughter. “Let’s see if you can cook too. Shall we pass them out?”

The camera followed us as we handed out cookies to the audience members; filming their reactions. Definitely the highlight of the show. The fans were so happy to receive something made by us. There is a lot of blushing and squealing girls. Their smiles are worth absolutely every ounce of hard work in this job.

After waving goodbye, we returned to our dressing room.

“Well, that was fun!”

“The fans really enjoyed it.”

“They couldn't stop smiling so we did it our job right.”

I watched Tokiya take a seat at the vanity; texting someone. Presumably one of the senpais.

“It's a good thing they didn't make Natsuki cook,” Syo mused as he leaned on the wall next to us.

“We wouldn't have fans left if they did.”

“True. Hey Tokiya. You heading back with us?”

“I presume so.”

Otoya wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “Good. Hang out with us.

“Otoya. We should play soccer,” Syo announced; clearly still having the energy to burn.

“I'm in,” Cecil agreed; loving playing sports with those two.

“I'll play with you, Syo-chan!”

“What about you, Masa?”

“I'm not one for soccer.”

How many times have I been talked into their games anyway?

“You'd rather keep Icchi company?”

Otoya's puppy dog eyes settled on Ren. “What do mean, Ren?”

“I highly doubt he is well enough to run around with you guys.”

“You guys go ahead without me and have fun,” Tokiya agreed with that signature deceiving smile of his.

“Are you sure?”

“Camus will yell at me if I am not resting anyway.”

“His lectures are the worst,” Cecil whined in definite agreement. “He's so long-winded sometimes.”

“Surprisingly, Kurosaki can lecture as well,” Tokiya added in. “Reiji not so much. He'll just whine until you don't want to do it anymore.”

“Ai is the worst,” Syo muttered; shyly looking away. “Trust me on this one.”

“It surprised me how doting he could be,” Tokiya mentioned as he shoved his phone in his pocket.

“Ai? Doting? Ha!”

Syo couldn't believe what he was hearing. Doesn't seem like he gets the special attention from Mikaze-senpai. Though I can't picture him being all overprotective of the others health. Lecturing? Most definitely. Doting? Not really.

“It's true,” was all he gave as a response.

“The cars are here,” Ren announced; checking his phone for the driver's message.

Cecil, Natsuki, Syo and Otoya rode in the first car. Ren, Tokiya and I sat in the backseat of the second. Ren was texting the others. Tokiya looked drained all of the sudden; resting his head on the window.

“Tired, Ichinose?”

“Hmm... yeah...sorry.”

“It's your first day back at work,” I reminded him; reaching out to his shoulder. “You're not used to it anymore. I wouldn't doubt you're tired.”

“You better tuck him in, Masa,” Ren joked but his expression had some worry mixed in.

“I don't need that much attention.”

“Will you let me?”

His face immediately fell; unable to say no to me. If I want to, he’ll let me without argument.

“I just realized,” Ren suddenly announced before he could give me an answer. “When it comes to you, Icchi is the worst. He's not capable of saying no to you.”

“Masato's sad face is unbearable. I'd probably die if he pouted.”

“I'm not that bad!”

Both idols chuckled as they looked at me. Well, at least I know my love's weakness. If I wanted I could use that to my advantage.

As we arrived, Otoya grabbed Ren's hand.

“Come on! We can't play soccer with four people!”

“The teams won't be even then.”

“Come play too, Masa,” Otoya whined that unbearable whine. The one that gets someone in trouble.

“What about Tokiya?”

“It's fine,” he replied before covering his mouth from a yawn. “I'm just going to take a nap. You guys enjoy yourself.”

I'd much rather be cuddling with him than playing soccer.

“Let's play!”

They couldn't let me be a goalkeeper. Apparently, I'm bad at that. Of course, I had to run for the ball with Syo and Otoya. Not that I'm good at that either. I can dance with them but that's about it. I can't keep up on foot. Every time I catch up, the ball is changing direction.

Forty minutes later, I haven't scored once. Not even kicked the ball. I'm sweating and can't catch my breath. I'll never understand why they find this fun.

“I give!”

“I don't think Hiriji can take any more of this.”

“Well he can check on Tokiya then,” Natsuki stated; knowing I wasn't exactly having fun. Or maybe he knew I would rather be with him.

“Good idea.”

I grabbed my bag and hurried off before they could change their minds.  That and I wanted to see Tokiya. So much so, I didn't even bother to shower or change. I went straight to his dorm and knocked on the door.

No answer.

Is he asleep?

Wait. The door is unlocked. I opened the door to see the room was empty. His bed was neatly made like it hasn't been slept in weeks. Because it hasn't been. His bag was on his desk but he never attempted to sleep.

But where was he?

I tried calling him but his phone rang inside his bag. He's gotten really bad at taking his phone all of the sudden. I better find him and make sure he's not sick somewhere.  

Well, he's not outside with the others.  I doubt he went to the cafeteria or the kitchen. If I were Tokiya, where would I go?

Oh. He's a workaholic so somewhere he can do music. But he can't dance so he won't be in the practice rooms. He can't sing so he shouldn't be in the studio. Knowing Tokiya, he's trying to sing...I should check the studio anyway.

I made my way through the hallway of practice rooms to the studio. He wasn't there. The staff hadn't seen him. Damn. I really thought he would be there.  Where else do I look?

...wait…the nameplate on one of the practice rooms said STARISH. How can that be? They're still playing soccer. We didn't even plan to practice tonight. How do we have a room booked?

I cracked the door open; immediately hearing the sound of a piano. Nanami?

I opened the door more; seeing Tokiya seated at the piano. I don't recognize the song his elegant fingers were playing. It's almost as if he was making it up as he went along.

“Is that you, Masa?”

His fingers didn't pull away from keys as I continued to approach him.

“And what if it wasn't?”

“Masato is the only person I wouldn't kick out.”

“He's a very lucky man…”

“You're wrong.”

“Huh?”

“He makes the one who loves him a lucky man…”

My cheeks couldn't fight turning a bright rose colour. His lines always get me; as rare as they are. They're always truthful. It's not something he's just feeding me. No. It's true and full of love. One thing I don't ever doubt is his love for me.

I sat next to him on the bench; leaning on his shoulder. He smiled and kissed the top of my head without stopping his song. I wanted to listen. To hear what's in his heart. The tune sounded sad. Almost depressing. But I couldn't picture what image he was trying to convey. It's almost like a secret.

And I should change that.

My fingers reached for the keys; changing the song into a happier tone. It turned into what sounded like a love song. Fitting considering we are lovers.

“Your hands are beautiful,” he mused as he watched my fingers press into the keys.  

“You always say that.”

“Because it's true.”

He lifted my hand in his; bringing my knuckles to his lips.  

“Though I prefer them to be here,” he suddenly announced as he placed my hand to his chest.

“Do you know where I prefer yours?”

He wrapped his arms around me; resting his hands on the small of my back. He's right. I love when he holds me there. But I think I'm going to play with him a little.

“That is incorrect.”

He looked really surprised. I'm an actor after all.

He moved them to my hips.

“Still wrong.”

I shivered as he dragged them under my shirt and cupped my nipples.

“Should I be worried that you aren't aware of my preferences?”

_Woah!_

Suddenly I'm bent over the piano. It happened so fast I didn't see him pushing me. Though it was me who pushed too far.

His hands slid down my back before cupping my bottom. I bit my lip to fight the moan as he squeezed.

“Isn't this your preference?”

He slipped his hands in the waistband; his cool fingers grazing my skin. Between my cheeks was at his mercy. He's not inserting himself at all. But his finger rubbed up and down the sensitive skin. My fingers gripped tightly on the piano. Don't give in. Don't moan. But God does it feel good…

His thumb pressed against my hole but he wouldn't insert it.

“Ah..”

“Hmm...what was that?”

He rubbed his thumb in circular motions.

“Toki---oh…”

“You should tell me what your preference is?”

“Please.”

That was all he needed to insert a single finger. I should really know better than to play with him. He always wins. And he knows it too.

“You're rather unfair,” I nearly whined as he turned his palm downwards. He's being slow on purpose. Is it revenge for teasing him? Or for giving him so much attention?

“I think it's unfair of you,” he mused; pressing in just a little deeper. “Suddenly telling me you don't like the way I touch you.”

“Tokiya!”

He took my hissing as a hint; inserting a second finger inside me. But he didn't give me time to adjust before adding a third. This was only the second time we have ever tried something like this. I wasn't prepared enough not to cry out. The stretch burned in a way that was pleasant. It didn't really hurt as much as I expected it to. It just felt really tight. Like my body is squeezing his fingers.

He didn't move until my breathing returned to a normal pace. His fingers moved in and out slowly; not going very deep. Just enough to make me feel good. He didn't the first time either. I have a few ideas why. One, he's scared to hurt me or that I won't like it. Two, he wants me to feel him the first time. Not just his fingers. Or maybe that's just me being romantic.

He twisted his hand down as he pulled his fingers halfway out.

“Oh. Tokiya!”

I'm turning into putty at the touch of his hands. My face is probably as red as the bouquet of roses he gave me for Valentine's Day. And he is a hundred percent enjoying it.

“Do you want me to finish you off?”

All I could do was nod. He wrapped his other hand around my cock; stroking me into oblivion. The double pleasure was much more than I could bear as I released onto the piano. I slumped down to the floor; trying to catch my breath. He took out a handkerchief and wiped it clean. Thank God they don't have cameras in the practice rooms.

I never would have thought I find myself doing something like this in a place like this. But I don't remotely regret it. It's exciting. And horribly embarrassing. But for Tokiya's loving hands? Worth it.

“You are terrible,” I muttered as I pulled my pants back up.

“For you, I would become evil.”

Why did my heart race at that?

“And how am I going to pay you back?”

He shook his head.

“You're not going to let me touch you?”

“I don't think I could handle that right now.”

“Still...it's not fair if I feel good…”

“I did for entirely selfish reasons,” he chuckled as he rested his hands on my hips. “Making a mess of you is fun.”

“I still want to take care of you!”

“I’ll be alright.”

“You have a bad habit of lying, my love.”

“And how are you going to fix that?”

I pressed my lips on his; gently pulling his face closer. My tongue urged his lips apart; inviting itself inside. Purely to shut him up. I know he's not fine but he will keep telling me he is. For now, he's content. The boldness between us. His bold-faced lies and my suddenly bold kisses.

_Knock! Knock!_

We both immediately jumped; breaking apart at record speeds. In his panic, he returned to the piano. His fingers returned to keys; making a feverish tune. Guess that leaves me to answer the door.

“Camus-senpai.”

“Masato.”

He looked over my head to see Tokiya seated at the piano. “Ah. There you are Tokiya. You better have not been singing.”

Tokiya shook his head and rested his hands on his thighs. “Just piano. To keep me busy.”

“Good. Well, I'm here to pick you up.”

He nodded and stood up from the bench. “I'll see you tomorrow, Masa.”

“Get some rest, Ichinose.”

Watching him walk away only gets harder.

 

\------

“God why!”

The director screamed at the sky; dramatically arguing against mother nature.

“We can't film all the spring scenes with ten feet of Snow!”

Somehow I doubt it was really ten feet. But the world was awfully white for the end of February. Not a good day for filming. The director was already in a bad mood today.  

“Fuck it,” he groaned as he dropped to his chair. “I'm not having it today. Consider yourself lucky. Filming is cancelled.”

I cannot remember the last time I had a snow day.

“The roads are bad, Masato. You should leave before it gets worse.”

“Ah. Thank you.”

I grabbed my bag and hurried over to my ride. Filming was my only work today so I'm heading straight to the dorms. Roads are closing down anyway. I should warn the others.

Opening up the STARISH group chat, I typed out a message.

 

_Me: Filming is cancelled. On my way back to the dorms because roads are closing down._

_Ren: I'm pretty close to home so I'll probably head there instead of the dorms._

_Natsuki: Lucky! I wanna build a snowman! But I'm filming in a studio not far so I'll be fine._

_Syo: we should have a snowball fight. Not make snowmen. I'm with Natsuki so don't work about us._

_Cecil: I wanna play in the snow too!_

_Otoya: Lucky Masa! I don't want to work today!_

_Me: I just wanted to make sure you will all return safely._

_Ren: I'll be fine._

_Natsuki: Syo is right! Don't worry about us!_ _Oh yeah. Otoya you didn't tell us why you were so happy this morning._

_Otoya: Tokiya came back last night._

_Ren: So Icchi isn't staying with Quartet Night anymore?_

_Otoya: Nope!_

_Syo: That's a good sign. He must be getting better right?_

_Me:  I hope so._

_Otoya: He was gone when I woke up so I couldn't ask him._

_Cecil: Did he have work today?_

_Ren: I didn't think he was well enough to work yet_

_Cecil: But he's not responding_

_Me: I'll call him._

_Ren: I'm heading back. Drive safe._

_Me: You too Jinguji_

_Syo: Us too. We'll call._

Looking out at the passing snow, I couldn't help but worry about him.  He didn't pick up both times I tried to call him. I should call senpai.

“Hmm. Masa? What's happening?”

“I thought I should warn you about the road closures.”

“Yeah. We wound up booking a hotel since we couldn't get home.”

“Are you alright?”

“We're fine. They closed the roads after we got here.”

“I am relieved you are not hurt.”

“What about you?”

“My work was cancelled so I'm heading home. Everyone else is fine. But we haven't heard from Tokiya.”

“I brought him back to the dorms before work so he should still be at the agency.”

“I'll go find him.”

“Make sure he is resting.”

“I will.”

“Thanks, Masa.”

He hung up before I could ask anything else. I wondered where he went this morning. Otoya said Tokiya came back last night. Ranmaru said he brought Tokiya back today. That doesn't add up. Unless Tokiya left with him this morning...oh. Otoya said Tokiya was gone when he woke up. He must have gone out early then. Where did he go?

As soon as I arrived, I went looking for Tokiya. He wasn't in the practice rooms or studio. You checked them first this time.  Maybe his room?

Crossing through the common area, I noticed someone had turned on the fireplace. And the sight of that someone made my heart melt instantly.

Tokiya laid on the couch; sound asleep. His hand holding an open book on his chest. A blanket covered only his legs. His hair is slightly out of place.  He must have fallen asleep while reading by the fire.

I think it might be the most adorable sight I have ever seen.  

I could not resist taking a picture with my phone. I did, however, resist making it my wallpaper. After smiling to myself, I made sure the blanket covered up to his chin. Carefully, I wedged the book out from his grasp and set it on the table. I lifted his head so I could sit; replacing the cushion with my lap. If anyone asked, I was just taking care of him. Since he was sick. It's cold. He needs to be warm.

In his sleep, he's mostly silent. A few groans as he shifted around a little. But overall, it's probably the most peaceful I've seen of sleeping Tokiya. He's normally a very restless sleeper.

A perfect snow day; humming by the fire, watching the snow fall out the window and best of all, watching my love sleep.

\----

 

“Well that's a rare sight,” Syo chuckled as he and Natsuki walked into the common area.

“He looks so peaceful,” Natsuki agreed with that wide grin of his.

“He must have been tired,” Syo thought; sitting on the arm of the couch.

“I think he got up early,” I replied but it came out as a sigh. “Otoya said he was gone when he woke up. Senpai said he brought Tokiya back this morning before he left for work.”

“I wonder where they went so early.”

“Nnn…”

Tokiya groaned as he started to stir. Could he hear voices? Did we wake him? Or is he just coming to now?

His eyes opened; slowly revealing the beautiful blue eyes I loved. They looked a little red and swollen.

“.... Syo?”

With Syo hanging over the edge of the couch, he was the first thing he would see when he opened his eyes. Disappointing.

“It's not like you to nap.”

“Nap? Did I?”

He turned his head to see the book on the table. “Oh.”

“Senpai said to make sure your resting,” I told him; keeping a gentle smile. “So it's fine.”

He turned his head to sound of my voice; realizing where his head was. Despite being in an open area, he made no effort to move. He's not conscious enough yet.

“Where did you go this morning anyway?”

“This morning? Oh….I had...a doctor's appointment.”

“Checkup after the surgery?”

He nodded; closing his eyes momentarily.

“How did it go?”

His face was a mixture of sadness and panic. I could tell he didn't want to tell us.

“It didn't go well, did it?”

“Not really…”

“What happened?”

“It's healing,” he explained; avoiding looking into my eyes. “But slower than what Shining wants.”

“Not being able to sing is stressing you out, huh?”

“Honestly, yes.”

“Don’t worry so much, Tokiya!”

“I'll take care of you,” I reassured him as I brushed a piece of hair from his face. “So you'll be better in no time.”

“I don't deserve you,” he mused with a smile but sad eyes.

“I just want you to come back.”

“We all do,” Syo sighed as he twiddled his hat between his hands. “Practice is not the same without you. We aren't really as good without you.”

“You guys are just fine without me.”

“Don't say things like that!

Natsuki looked incredibly sad at Tokiya's words. He hates talk like that. Natsuki probably missed Tokiya more than anyone (aside from me). It's important for him to keep us together as a group.

“I'll be back soon. I'd lose my mind otherwise.”

“You're a real downer, Tokiya,” Syo stated like he's been defeated.

“Sorry…”

“Just keep getting better!”

“Alright. I wanna bake cookies,” Natsuki announced as he picked up Syo off the couch. “We'll bring him some to cheer him up.”

Tokiya silently grimaced as he looked up at me.  Poor thing.

He's so pale but his cheeks are rather rosy. His breathing is still a little heavy. I reached out and placed the back of my hand on his forehead. His skin felt really hot against mine.

“You're burning up!”

Oh. That's why senpai said to make sure he rested today.

He reached for my hand; moving to his chest. I slowly rubbed it for him while avoiding the stitches. I hummed a tune meanwhile to soothe him. He doesn't know what to say. Doesn't want me to worry.  At least he's comfortable. Doesn't want to move from my lap. He just wants me.

“Is he asleep?”

“Not really,” I replied to Natsuki who returned with the black cookies. “Just relaxing.”

“Let’s not disturb him.”

The inseparable pair hurried off to give us some peace. Tokiya breathed a sigh of relief once they were out of sight. Either because we’re alone or because he didn't have to eat a Natsuki cookie.

But we still are in a public space. We could easily be seen. Someone could easily spread rumours from this site. Most of the agency is unaware of what happened to Tokiya. They could misunderstand the situation. But I doubted he wanted to move. It's a snow day. He must be enjoying the fire. It's good for him to relax.

“What were you reading?”

“Oh. Just some fiction. Something about the demons caught my attention.”

“Demons? I wouldn't expect that for you.”

“I'm guilty of reading all manners of books.”

“That is true. You always have a book in your downtime.”

“It's the quickest way to relax in a busy job like ours.”

 “Aside from books and work, what else do you like to do?”

“I used to draw but I hadn't much time to since our debut?”

“Really? I didn't know that!”

“I'll have to show you one day.”

“Please do.”

“What about you? Any projects in the works?”

“I'm trying out embroidering a complicated Chinese design at the moment.”

“That sounds tricky but so like you.”

“Like you, I like to keep my mind and my fingers busy.”

“That you do,” he chuckled; teasing me with a lighthearted smile. One that made my heart stop beating.

“When did you lose your mind in the gutter?”

“Every time you kiss me.”

I playfully flicked him in the forehead. It didn't hurt but he pretended it did; playing right back. He's in a better mood now. He's happy. I'm happy. It's all good.

“Tooookkkiiiyyya!”

Otoya bounced into the common area; singing his roommate's name.  He looked so happy. Probably because he got off work earlier than expected.  

“Where did you go this morning?”

“I had a checkup. Nothing to worry about.”

“Good! I'm glad you're home!”

He sat on the arm of the couch; looking down at Tokiya. “What are you two up to?”

“Keeping warm by the fire,” I explained; trying to smile the most innocent smile. “Natsuki and Syo are back if you want to play in the snow.”

“That's awesome! What about you too?”

“I'd rather be warm than out in the cold.”

“We're fine. You guys enjoy yourself.”

“Kay!”

He ran off to grab the others. They waved as they passed by; covered in scarves and toques. They look so happy; ready to have a huge snowball fight. I'm glad. That keeps them out of our hair.

“Masa?”

“Hmm?”

“Where is Ren?”

“Jinguji? He said he would probably wait it out at his brother's house. Why?”

“So I know how much time we have?

Oh... _oh!_  

“Come on,” I chuckled as I lifted his head from my lap.

He more slowly lifted himself up to his feet.  I know he's not remotely up to whatever he's planning. I need to take care of him instead. Regardless if he's going to tell me off or not.

We walked together to my dorm; sneaking inside.

“You should lie down.”

“I knew you were going to say that.”

“You know you’re sick.”

I wondered what my expression was like because he laid down quickly. Good boy.

I sat on the edge of the bed next to him; rubbing gently over his stitches. “Will you let me nurse you back to health?”

“Only you could say that normally and have it come out so sexy.”

My cheeks felt like they were on fire at that statement.

“Seriously! What happened to you!!?”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me down on top of him.

“It's your fault for being irresistible.”

I leaned forward and placed my lips on his.

“What am I to do with you?”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two references in there if you're bored and looking.
> 
> yes, archive I love removing 21 pages of extra spaces.


	12. Tell Me I'm Frozen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't exactly go well between Ren and Tokiya but Masato is caught in the middle.

Despite all his smooth talking, Tokiya really didn't feel well. His breathing was getting heavier; wheezing occasionally. Even his pale cheeks were turning a rosy colour. His forehead felt even hotter on my hand than earlier. My poor loverboy. 

I placed a damp towel over his forehead to cool him down. He rested his head on my lap and tried to fall asleep. I didn't mind. I could work on my embroidery like this. Even sing for him too. My voice always soothes him. 

The door opened and Ren walked in; dressed in a big coat and scarf. A dusting of snow clung to his ginger hair as it slowly melted away. He breathed a sigh of relief as he started removing the extra layers of clothing. 

"The others are out throwing snowballs," he mused; hanging his coat on the hook. "It's so cute! I figured you'd be inside, Masa." 

"I prefer to be warm, personally." 

"The only person I didn't see was Icchi. Is he a ghost by now?" 

"Yes," Tokiya agreed; muffled by the blanket over his head. 

"What was that?" 

Ren looked confused. And possibly a little startled. He could not tell that voice belonged to Tokiya. He didn't seem to notice that I wasn't alone. But he could see my mouth didn't move to make that noise. 

"A ghost," I chuckled with a grin; finding Ren's face borderline hilarious. 

"Masato, don't tell me you started with those Japanese charms? Like summoning demons or something?" 

"Do you really think I have the ability to wake the dead?" 

I could feel Tokiya slightly shaking beneath me. He's laughing at Ren's ridiculous question. It's almost dumb but very Jinguji. It's funny. Even the never amused Tokiya is laughing. Problem? He's sick. It doesn't exactly sound like light-hearted laughter. It's rough. Raspy even. Easily mistaken for demon laughter. 

Apparently, cause Ren jumped at the sound. 

His face was priceless. I don't think I have ever seen him so confused. Not even during math class. He's not usually freaked out by anything either. I find it rather hysterical. A sight I never thought I would see. Being with his brother all day must have really scrambled him up. 

I couldn't help the laughter that burst out. Not that I even tried to hide it.  But the more I laughed, the more his face oddly softened. 

"Well if I made Hijiri laugh like that, I must be doing something stupid." 

"If that were true, Masa would be laughing all the time," Tokiya agreed from under the blanket like he had been a part of the conversation all along. 

"I liked it better when you were a ghost," Ren spat back at him as he finally took a seat on his bed. 

"Booooo!" 

I chuckled as I pulled the blanket away from his face. "Scary." 

"I'm very scary."

"I'm terrified!" 

"As you should be," he chuckled before it turned into a cough. 

"Let me guess," Ren sighed as he watched me help him sit up. "Icchi is sick." 

"Correct." 

He looked rather frustrated like he wanted to scream. "It's only been snowing for one day. You're supposed to be getting better! Not worse!" 

"Jinguji, that is not called for--" 

"No, he's right," Tokiya cut in; hiding the sadness in his voice. All the emotions were hidden. He sounded more lifeless even with his sore throat. And that didn't help Ren's anger. "I should be…"

"It's a burden to us, the longer you play this game," Ren barked, his voice rising a little too loud. 

"Jinguji!" 

But it was Tokiya's response that worried me. He just smiled. Like Ren was complimenting him. Or that everything was fine. But it wasn't. Not in the slightest. Why was he smiling like that? 

"It seems I have overstayed my welcome," he stated after staring at each other in angry silence. 

"Tokiya…" 

He left without even turning back to look at me. Am I angry? Or sad? I couldn't tell.  My heart ached. That much I knew. But I didn't know if I should chase after him. 

"Masa…" 

"Don't even!" 

"You're mad…" 

"Quite frankly, I don't want to hear your voice right now." 

It may not be my smartest decision but I stormed straight out of the room. I couldn't stand to be there. Or even look at him. I may be angrier than I thought. 

But where do I go now? 

I'm sure Tokiya wants to talk about it right now. I'd go play the piano but it would remind me of yesterday. My thoughts are stuck with him. I don't feel like working anyway. And I'm not going back to Ren. 

Maybe I should see the others. But I didn't grab my coat. 

Ah well….

I checked Tokiya's room. He wasn't there. Not surprised. But his coat was sitting on his desk. He wouldn't mind if I borrowed it. I put it around my body; breathing in his scent. That was a mistake. My heart only ached even more. 

Trying to blink back tears, I braced myself for the cold wind beyond the door. Cecil and Syo were hiding behind a bush while Natsuki and Otoya were using a tree as a defence.  

"Time out," Syo shouted as he spotted me coming up behind the two. 

Natsuki and Otoya walked over to us; brushing the snow off their shoulders.   

"What's up, Masa?" 

Otoya checked his watch and looked up. "Holy! It's late! Did you come to get us?" 

"We were thinking we should get everyone together for dinner," Natsuki mused as he started to drag Syo towards the entrance. 

"I don't think that's a good idea," I muttered; staring down at my footprints forming in the fresh snow. 

"Huh? Why not?" 

"Did you have a fight with Ren?" 

"Not me." 

"What? Oh...did Tokiya and Ren fight?" 

"Unfortunately." 

"Yet you look upset." 

"Honestly...it hurt...seeing it…"

"Are you okay?" 

"Not really. But I'm more worried about Tokiya." 

"We should find him and drag him to dinner!" 

"If you think he and Jinguji will makeup because we forced them, it will only get worse." 

Tokiya cannot stand people meddling in his affairs. Especially if he is in a situation with someone else. Forcing him and Ren together would majorly piss him off. And that's not something I want to do. 

"We can't just leave them!" 

"Tokiya will get even angrier if we meddle." 

"That's overreacting, Masa."

"Trust me. It's not a good idea." 

Syo opened his mouth to badmouth Tokiya but I wasn't having any of it. 

"I don't want to hear it!" 

Syo stared at me with his mouth hanging open.  "Masato is angry. Ren must have really fucked up." 

"I don't think I've ever seen Masa angry enough to yell," Cecil noted; shoving his cold hands in his pockets.  

"I am angry, alright. I don't like anything Ren said to Tokiya. He hurt him. He didn't deserve it. It's not his fault he got sick-" 

Natsuki's hand landed on my shoulder quickly. "It's okay, Masa. Let's go find him." 

"Otoya and I will take of dinner," Syo announced as we arrived in the kitchen. "You two look for Tokiya." 

"That leaves me with Ren," Cecil agreed. 

Natsuki and I hurried off in search of the missing vocalist. We double-checked his room. He wasn't there. 

"Practice rooms?" 

We checked every single room and studio. No sign of him.  

"Tokiya loves books," I recalled from our earlier conversation. "Perhaps he's hiding out in the library." 

"Could be!" 

We searched every aisle and every corner of the library but not a soul was there. No Tokiya. 

I went to every bathroom to make sure he wasn't sick again. Nope. Not there. Common area? Not there. Outside? Nope. We even checked the academy area. No sign of him. Absolutely nowhere. 

"Let's go back, Masa. He's not here." 

"I guess." 

We returned to the kitchen; our legs aching from the walk. I felt bad for Natsuki. He went with me everywhere. He's out of breath but he didn't stop going. Not once.

"You didn't find him?" 

"We went everywhere," Natsuki sighed as he pulled up at one of the bar stools. "No sign of him." 

"That figures," Ren grumbled from another stool. "One bad thing and he runs off like a fucking child." 

"Ren," Otoya whined as if it would help. 

Ren is really asking to be punched in the face. And I'm never one for violence. But I'm so tempted.

"Regardless of Ren's douchebaggery," Syo stated in a loud firm voice. "Or that Tokiya isn't here. Otoya and I made dinner so we are going to eat together. Period." 

Ren backed off and even joined in the conversation. They all spoke about their days and work over the sporty boys’ curry. It was really tasty. Or at least I assume it was. I wasn't really tasting it. Or talking at all. My mind was running a while a minute. Where was Tokiya? Is he okay? Is he sick somewhere? 

"Masa," Natsuki whispered as he reached for my hand. "I'm sure he's fine." 

"Maybe call Quartet Night," Syo suggested as he took fidgeted with his spoon. "Maybe he went to them." 

"The roads are closed," I sighed as I pulled out my phone. "But maybe Kurosaki-senpai will know something." 

I dialled that number immediately. 

"Masa?" 

"Senpai." 

"What's wrong Masa? I can tell you're crying." 

"I can't find Tokiya. We've looked all over." 

"Did something happen?" 

"Yes. He left and now he can't find him." 

"He didn't bring his phone, did he?" 

"No." 

"Hold on a second, Masa." 

I heard his voice; muffled like he was calling out to his other members. 

"Listen, Masato," Camus' voice rang through the speaker after minutes of silence. "He still has a key to our apartment. We told him if he needed us, he could go there anytime. But that tells me something is quite wrong if he went." 

"Do you think he went there?" 

"The roads are closed so I'm not sure. I think that's where he would go but we aren't able to get back there." 

"I'll figure it out how to get there myself." 

"Be careful, Masato. Don't make the situation worse." 

"I'll be careful." 

"Ai will keep trying to call the apartment. The rest of us have our cells in hand. Please call us if anything happens." 

"I will, senpai." 

"Don't panic, Masa." 

He hung with a click but I had a feeling he was tempted to call me back. Now the senpais are worried. I felt bad about that but I never would have thought to check the apartment. I didn't know Tokiya was ever given a key. He didn't tell me that. 

"What's happening?" 

"They said to try their apartment." 

"How do we get there?" 

"The roads are totally blocked off." 

"I'll walk if I have to!" 

"Listen, Masa," Ren shouted as he grabbed both my shoulders. "It's a blizzard. It's snowing with high-level winds. There's no way you're walking in that!" 

"What do you want me to do!?!?" 

"Don't go!" 

"HE NEEDS ME!" 

There must have been something about my expression. Or maybe it was the tears welling up in eyes. The way they all looked at me was different. Sadness? Surprise? Like I'm pathetic? I couldn't tell. The world didn't make sense right now. 

"Fine. It's all my fault so I'll drive you." 

"Huh?" 

"I said I'll drive!" 

Ren is the only one of us with a license. So he's the only one that could offer. I know the agency cars won't go out in this weather. The roads are closed. How are we going to get there? 

"You guys wait here," Ren instructed with a heavy sigh. "Masa and I will check the apartment."  

Ren and I grabbed our coats and hurried off to his car. A thick layer of snow coated every window. 

"Get inside and keep warm," Ren offered as he held the door open for me. He shut the door as soon as I was inside. I turned the heat on full blast to help melt the snow and keep warm. Ren grabbed a snow brush from the back; circling it around the car. I felt bad. He must be freezing. But he wouldn't allow me to help no matter the situation. 

I guess I should start thinking about forgiving him.  

"Alright, let's go." 

Ren buckled himself in the driver's seat and slowly backed out. He couldn't do anything about it. We had to drive slow. It's dark and snowing; everything is slippery. Most roads are closed. Driving around is going to take some time but I don't have a choice. 

"I shouldn't have said what I said," Ren mumbled at some point of silence. 

"What made you change your mind?" 

"I must have really hurt him for him to run off like that." 

"You did. Not that he'll admit it." 

"He just smiled though!" 

"I don't know why he did that either. But knowing him, it's to hide how he really feels." 

"He'll never tell us how he really feels." 

"I don't think it's possible for him to." 

"I wish he wasn't like that." 

"He is who he is. And I like him just fine." 

"You're always on his side!" 

"Because I understand him differently!" 

"I don't get that!"  

"Look. Tokiya and I are both reserved people. We don't open up easily. So we just understand each other." 

"Why can't I understand you?" 

"That's my fault. Not yours. Please don't blame yourself." 

"But-"

"I will work on it." 

"Fair enough, I guess." 

It took almost an hour and a few detours to arrive at their apartment. Camus called the manager to open the door for us if no one answered. I didn't bother to knock on the door; unlocking the door with the temporary key he loaned me.  

As soon as I opened the door, I heard a song. Bright Road. That voice was not senpai. It's all broken. Cutting out. Raspy. Dying. 

"Tokiya!" 

I found him sitting with his back against the island; hiding under the overhanging counter. He was singing until he heard my shouting.  Immediate silence. He's trying to pretend he's not here. 

"Tokiya! You're not allowed to be singing!" 

He buried his face into his knees; trying to hide from me. Did I sound angry? I guess so. I was angry. He knows he's not allowed to sing yet. He's supposed to getting better but he's hurting himself. 

"Icchi," Ren calmly spoke from the other side of the island. "You need to calm down." 

No response. 

I dropped to my knees and reached out to him; forcibly lifting his head. His eyes were really swollen with tears. He looked so sad for just a moment; blinking it away. The tears didn't fade but he looked soulless.  

"Tokiya, it's alright," I whispered as my arms pulled him to my chest. "I'm here. I'm here." 

He didn't react at all. 

"Tokiya. I'm sorry. I was being selfish," Ren sighed as he kneeled down too. "I didn't mean to hurt you this much. Really. I'm sorry. I didn't think about what my words meant." 

"Please Tokiya," I begged; wiping his tears with my thumb. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong?" 

He opened his mouth to talk but all that came out was a cough. Several hard coughs. 

"Hold on, Tokiya. I'll make you tea. Try and calm down until then." 

Ren jumped up and practically ran to turn on the kettle. He's freaked out by Tokiya's reaction. Honestly, I am too. 

It took a bit of doing but I managed to get him over to the couch. I wrapped a blanket around him; trying to calm him down all the while. He's struggling to stop coughing. Maybe because he's trying not to show his tears. My right hand rubbed his back in circles slowly. 

"It's going to be okay, Tokiya," I hummed to him; carefully choosing what I say. "I'm here for you. Anything you need. Just say the word. I promise." 

I leaned closer to his ear to whisper into it. "I love you. I love you so much."

He looked up slowly; staring at me with his swollen eyes. 

"Here we go, Icchi," Ren announced as he carried the mug over and placed it in his hands. "Tea with tons of honey. Drink slowly, okay?" 

Tokiya stared into the liquid for a long moment before lifting it to his lips. I pulled a handkerchief from my pocket; dabbing his tears away.  He smiled, well tried to, but it didn't happen. He still looked so sad. Depressed. Hopeless maybe? 

"Is that any better, Tokiya?" 

He nodded before taking another sip from his mug. 

Oh, right. I should call Camus. 

"Masato, finally! Did you find him?" 

"Yes. He was here."

"Is he alright?" 

"No." 

"What's wrong?" 

"He's really upset and looks sick." 

"Take his temperature." 

"Alright. Hold on a moment." 

I put my phone down and went rummaging through the hall closet for the thermometer. Wasn't there. I had to look around; finally finding it in Ranmaru's room. 

"Please Tokiya." 

He obeyed; taking it in his mouth until it beeped. 

"102." 

"Oh dear," Camus muttered; pausing to think or worry. "That's high...but the roads are closed. It would be difficult to take him to the hospital."

"Does he need to go?" 

"If it were any higher, I would insist…" 

"What should we do?" 

"Take care of him for now. Praying that we can return tomorrow so we can take over."

I stood up and left the room; hiding in the bathroom so Tokiya didn't hear what I was about to say. 

"Senpai...I caught him singing…" 

"What?!?!?! That's dangerous!" 

"I'm worried. He was crying too." 

"What happened, Masato?" 

"Ren...they had a fight." 

"Please don't tell me Ren said something about Tokiya causing trouble for anyone." 

"He called him a burden." 

"That imbecile! Seriously! Let's just call him what's he's most worried about!" 

"You sound angry, senpai."

"After taking care of him for so long, it does make me angry." 

"Well, I will try to calm him down."

"Masato, listen. You have to lecture him. He put himself at risk." 

"That's not my strong suit." 

"Tokiya will listen if it's you. He knows it's something he cannot get away with." 

"I will try when he's quieted down." 

"Alright. Please call us if anything happens." 

"I will." 

He hung up without another word. I did hear the others stressing in the background. Everyone is worried about Tokiya. It's driving him mad.

Speaking of mad, I shouldn't leave him alone with Ren for too long.  

It didn't look like Tokiya had moved at all since I left. His cup was in the same place. The same amount of tea inside. He's still looking down. It looked like he froze...well maybe...he's shivering as if he could have. 

"Tokiya, why don't you go have a hot shower and warm up? I'll have a fresh cup of tea waiting for when you get out." 

He agreed with a nod; slowly standing up. I guided him to the bathroom; getting him under the water's spray. Ranmaru's pyjamas should fit him. I left a pair and a big sweater on the counter; instructing him to flicker the lights if he needs anything. 

Alright. Kitchen. Get the kettle running again. I should also make him some porridge. Though I know he's going to fight me on eating. But hopefully, some food will relax him. I know he hasn't eaten today. He'll lie to me if I ask. 

After a long while, Tokiya shuffled into the kitchen. I guided him to the table; place the bowl in front of him. 

"Try and eat, okay?"

"Masa.." 

"Hmmm?" 

"You're mad... You're faking that you aren't…" 

Oh boy. Here we go.

I pulled the chair closer to him before sitting beside him. "I am mad. You know you shouldn't be singing. I'm only mad that you put yourself that risk." 

He didn't respond. Didn't look up. Didn't try to eat. Didn't try to move. 

"Tokiya, it's okay to be hurt. I don't blame you for it. You have every right to be. But you need to-" 

"Tell us instead of running off like a baby," Ren interrupted as he came over to us. 

"Don't help, Jinguji!" 

He immediately shut up and just sat down. 

"Tokiya. Really. It's going to be okay." 

"Apparently it is not," he barked as his defence mechanism kicked in. 

"Ignore Jinguji! He's not very bright!"

"Oh geez. Thanks." 

"Clearly, he feels that way." 

"Well, I don't. I know Otoya doesn't feel that way! Natsuki misses you like hell!" 

"So?"

"And what about Quartet Night? They gave up work to take care of you!" 

My strategy of reminding me that we love him completely backfired. His sad eyes filled with anger. I didn't think he was capable of being angry at me. 

"You think I'm a burden too! I know that! All I did was waste their time!" 

"That's not true!" 

"Oh but it is!"  

"No, it is not! No one thinks you're a waste of time!" 

"Clearly Ren does!" 

"Icchi…" 

"I told you Jinguji is stupid! Stupid! He has a big mouth! He didn't mean it! Regardless of what he said, he still drove me in a blizzard to get me to you! Natsuki ran all over with me looking for you! Everyone is worried" 

"So in other words, I'm still a bother?" 

"I never said that." 

"It sure sounds like it!" 

"You need to calm down, Tokiya. Yelling can't be good for you either." 

I tried to sound firm but kind in my efforts but it didn't work. He couldn't hear anything other than his own negative thoughts. He's hurting so badly. 

"Ichi..I'm sorry," Ren sighed as he reached for his shoulder, only to have his hand slapped away. "I didn't mean to hurt you." 

"Tokiya please," I pleaded; wishing he would accept my arms around him. 

He didn't know what to do. What to say. How to feel. He's so angry but the hurt is taking over. On top of being sick and in pain. It was like he froze. He couldn't move or talk. 

"Maybe we should all head to bed," Ren suggested with a heavy sigh. "It's late. We'll all feel better after some sleep. Then we can discuss it." 

"Wow. Jinguji had a good idea," I teased; trying to make Tokiya laugh but to no avail. "Do you agree, Tokiya?" 

He nodded. Anything to get out of this right now. 

"Will you let me help you?" 

He nodded again. I faked a smile; holding my arm for him to take. We slowly shuffled over to Ranmaru's room since it was the warmest. I tucked him under the covers before brushing the hair away from his face. 

"Do you need anything?" 

He shook his head. 

"I'll be in Kotobuki's room if you need me. Ren is in Camus' room too if needed."

He nodded once more. 

I ran my thumb over his cheek before rising to my feet.  I couldn't help watching him for a moment as he curled up to sleep. My chest hurt at the sight of him; knowing he's suffering so much. He's hurting. And I'm not sure I could really do anything for him. 

Once I was sure he was starting to fade out, I closed the door behind me. The door clicked and the tears didn't hesitate to run down my face. Not only because he was hurting. But because that was our first fight since becoming a couple. I hated it.  

Those words rang over and over in my mind. Does he really think that? Or is it because of what Ren said? Either way...he really thinks of himself as a burden. Had he always felt that way? Or is it just since he got sick? Or did the sickness just amplify those feelings? 

I have so many questions with no answers. 

"Goddammit." 

"Masa, are you okay?" 

"No, Jinguji," I muttered; moving away from the door so Tokiya didn't hear me crying. "I am not." 

"Wow. You actually told me," he replied as he wrapped his arms around me. It's a familiar scent. Warm yet musky. That hint of roses. The scent I've known as we grew up together. The one I usually push away. But this time, even though he started this, I wanted his comfort. 

"Tell me, Masato." 

"We've never fought before…" 

"But you and I argue all the time." 

"It's not the same. We've known each other since childhood. You love to drive me crazy. But Tokiya and I are close friends. It's not like you and I. Or even I to the others...maybe it's because we are so alike...god...I don't know...it just hurts to have fought with him…" 

"Forgive me for being philosophical for a minute." 

"You being philosophical? That's ridiculous." 

"Shut up. Listen...maybe Tokiya wasn't really fighting with you? It's not like he was fully replying to you. "

"I guess so…" 

"So maybe he was more arguing with himself and you just happen to be there." 

"I'm actually afraid." 

"Don't worry so much, Mas-" 

"No, of you. There's actual wisdom in those words." 

"I have my moments," he muttered as he ran his fingers through my hair. "I've been with you long enough to know." 

"True…"  

"But I've known Icchi long enough to know he would never yell at you. He's not angry with you in the slightest." 

"I pray that you are correct," I sighed; calming (or at least trying too) with his words. He may have started this but he did bring a lot of comfort to it too. 

"Can I ask you a question, Masa?" 

"Hmm?" 

"When did you start calling him by his first name? You always called him Ichinose." 

"You're bugging me about that but you call him Icchi.  Not Tokiya."

"That's not what I meant. You suddenly started to call him Tokiya." 

"I guess when he got sick? After nearly losing him, I felt like I should act closer. Use his name." 

"You still call me Jinguji." 

"Habit. Calling you Ren feels weird." 

"I guess...are you doing it just for him?" 

I shook my head."No. I am trying to do it for the others as well." 

"Except me?" 

"Correct."

He let go; chuckling as his arms slowly pulled away. "Go get some rest. Everything will be better tomorrow." 

I nodded and walked over to Reiji's room; stopping just before I fully closed the door. 

"Hey, Jinguji…" 

"Hmm?" 

"Thank you." 

That earned me the warmest of smiles; the ones only I get to see.  He never does it for anyone else. They're rare so it's special when they come around. 

With that, he left for the baron's room. I closed the door behind me; flopping onto the older idol's bed. It's warm. It smells like Reiji. I'm exhausted. Both from running around everywhere and fighting with my boyfriend. 

I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep; pretending like today never happened….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing them fighting was hard to do. They're so in love it's hard to make them angry.


	13. I Apologize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiya may be sick but that's not the only feeling he has.

“Ren? Is that you?” 

A shadowy figure moved in the darkness in front of the bed. I’m not sure I was fully asleep but I wasn’t awake either. I heard footsteps and possibly the door creaking open. Habitually, I thought it was Ren. In my sleepy haze, I had forgotten where I was. I reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. The dim light illuminated the darkness enough for me to make out my lover’s face. 

“Tokiya? What’s wrong? Did you need something?” 

He shook his head. 

“Are you sick?” 

Again, he shook his head.  

"Come here," I mumbled sleepily as I held my arms out in invitation. 

He hesitated for a moment before crawling into bed and burying his face into my chest. My fingers tangled themselves in his hair. He didn't say a word for several minutes. I wondered if he had fallen asleep. I was about to reach for the lamp when I heard the quietest apology.

"For what, love?" 

He didn't reply just yet; apologizing several times over. It was what he needed to say. I didn't mind; silently listening until he was ready to talk more. My other hand rubbed his back to relax him. The eventual kiss on the top of his head earned me some more words. 

"I'm terrible…" 

"On the contrary," I interjected before he could put himself down further. "I think you're fantastic." 

"I really don't deserve you," he mumbled into my chest. "The real fantastic one." 

"Well unfortunately for you, you're stuck with me." 

"Hmm?" 

"Because I love you." 

"I love you too, Masa," he muttered with tears welling up again. I could only feel the wetness and hear it in his voice because he's hiding his face. 

"I know you do."

He nuzzled closer; silently crying for a few minutes. 

"Sh, sh. It's alright, my love. It's alright." 

"It's not…"

"How so?" 

"I made you cry," he muttered so silently I almost didn't hear it. 

"I only cried because my love was hurting...and I'm sorry...I didn't realize how much you were suffering. I should have been there for you."

"It's not your fault," he repeated over and over once again. 

"I love you, Tokiya. I really do. I would do anything if it would help you. You don't have to hesitate to ask." 

"I don't deserve you, Masa." 

"Again, luckily for you," I chuckled as cradles him even closer. "I happen to want you." 

"I'm so spoiled ...I'm such an ungrateful piece of-" 

"Don't you dare say it." 

He never uses that kind of language but I felt that it was coming. I'm not having it. And I'm not letting him put himself down like that either.

"But I am...you're so amazing but here I am all upset and yelling at you. I'm terrible."

"Aren't I terrible? I ignored my boyfriend's suffering until he tried to hurt himself!" 

"You didn't ignore it! I was hiding it from you!" 

"Don't do that anymore...please…" 

"I don't want you to see me like this…" 

"Tokiya. How many times have I told you I love you?" 

"Two hundred thousand. Give or take a few."

"Good because that means I love all sides of you. Even the side that's angry. The side that's hurting. Even the side that is crying. That said I hate it when you cry. The sound drives me insane. I don't want you to be sad. Let me take care of you. Don't hide your pain. Tell me what's bothering you. Even if you just need my shoulder, it's here. I'll do whatever you need."

"And you wonder why I think I don't deserve you."  

I lifted his head from my chest; leaning my head down so our lips meet.  

"Better?"  

"Yes." 

_Immediately lying to me again, Tokiya?_

I reached out; placing my hand on his forehead. He feels like he's on fire. Should I take his temperature again? 

"You're still burning up. Let's get you to sleep." 

He started to sit up to go back to Ranmaru's bed but I pulled him back down.  He looked surprised with his rosy cheeks. That might have been from the fever but I doubt it. I pecked his lips once more before telling him to roll over. He didn't ask and rolled over onto his stomach. My hand reached up his shirt; rubbing circles on his back. After a minute or two, I could see his shoulders dropping. Good. He's finally relaxing. I continued my circles until the world went dark again. 

\------- 

"Mmm...Tokiya…" 

My eyes slowly fluttered open; in search of my lover. Only he wasn't there. Did he go back to bed? Back to Ranmaru's room so Ren wouldn't see? How long ago was that? Did he even sleep? Did I fall asleep first? I couldn't recall. 

I checked the alarm clock. 9'oclock. That's late for me but Ren should still be asleep. Tokiya? He's such an early riser. Even when staying up late. He's probably up. Most likely. 

I got up and shuffled over to the kitchen. Tokiya was sitting at the table with the porridge he didn't touch last night. He looked even worse than last night. His eyes were swollen and puffy with a strong purplish hue underneath. He looked rather green like he was forcing himself to eat. 

To my surprise, Ren was already awake. He stood by the kitchen counter as he waited for the kettle to boil. He looked tired too. A bit sheepish. His hair is always a tangled mess when he wakes up. It's unusual for him to have dark circles. I wonder if he got any sleep? Probably some but less than needed. 

"Masa," Tokiya whispered as I walked straight to him. His voice didn't sound good at all even though he's only whispering. My poor boy. 

"How are you feeling?" 

I reached out to feel his forehead. It's even hotter than yesterday. 

"A bit better," he tried to assure me but his sore throat didn't match his words. 

"Not buying it. I'm going to take your temperature."

 "Yes, sir." 

"Good boy," I chuckled as I returned with the thermometer. He didn't fight me on it.

  1. _Holy crap. That's really high. Even more than last night._



"I think you need to go to the hospital." 

"You think so, Hijiri?" 

"Camus-senpai said if his fever got any higher, he has to go." 

"Alright. Bundle him up. I'll start the car." 

Ren hurried off to the elevator; keys in hand. 

Tokiya didn't look too pleased but allowed me to dress him in a coat, scarf, gloves and hat. I wasn't taking any chances. I even brought a blanket for him to stay warm in the car. He held onto my arm as we headed down to the lobby. Ren was already waiting with the car at the front door so we didn't have to walk. I buckled him in first; sitting next to him in the back. 

"The roads have cleared up a bit," Ren observed as he pulled away. "Shouldn't take too long."

"Good," I replied as I pulled out my phone; calling Camus first. 

"Masato," his tired voice rang through the speaker. "What's happening now?" 

"His fever for higher so we're driving to the hospital."

"Oh dear. Take him to the emergency center. The roads have cleared but our work is cancelled so we will meet you guys there." 

"Yes, senpai." 

He hung up; sounding they were already hurrying out the door. They're worried too. I already texted Natsuki to tell him what was going on. They all had work today so we'll see what happens later.

Ren dropped us off at the hospital entrance and left to find a parking space. I guided Tokiya to a waiting room chair before going to the receptionist. She recognized me immediately. Dammit. That's an issue. 

"How can I help you?" 

"My friend here has a really high fever." 

She looked over to see Tokiya curled up in the chair with a blanket. I held my finger over my lips; hoping she would understand this was a secret. She nodded like she understood. Maybe because she's an older fan. 

"Just wait there for now and fill out the paperwork. A doctor will see him as soon as possible." 

"Thank you," I replied before returning to Tokiya; immediately filling out the paperwork for him. 

Ren soon joined us and receptionist nearly knocked over the desk when she saw him. She's definitely a fan. He gave her a wink and she nearly passed out. The fans reactions are the best. Tokiya tried to laugh but it turned into a coughing fit. The receptionist jumped up; returning to hand him a cup of water. He gave her the best smile he could between coughs and gulped it down. Ren thanked her for him; making her practically swoon. Meeting fans out in the wild is really amazing. 

It's been a while and we hadn't seen the doctor yet. Tokiya rested his head on my shoulder; covered up in the blanket. His breathing was heavy; interrupted by coughs. Poor thing is sweating yet shivering. 

"Oh my gosh," I heard the receptionist muttered before she covered her mouth. 

I looked up to see Quartet Night rushing through the door. Camus hurried over to us; kneeling down in front of Tokiya's chair and took the younger's hand in his. "Are you alright?" 

Tokiya's only response was a weak nod. 

"Good because you are in so much trouble, young man." 

"I figured as much," Tokiya muttered; allowing Camus to hold him. 

"Tokki," Reiji whined as he took a seat next to me. 

"Kiddo," Ranmaru sighed as he leaned up on the wall next to the chairs. "You know better." 

"I'm sorry…" 

"You will be when I'm finished with you," Camus replied; comforting him yet refusing to take Tokiya's apology. Poor Tokiya. I don't want to be there for that. 

"Do you both not have work today?"

"We do," Ren sighed as he checked his phone. "Otoya just texted me. We've been called for a shoot." 

"You guys go," Ai stated as he reached to brush Tokiya's hair from his face. "We don't. We call you when we have updated information." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes, Masa," Ranmaru groaned as he tossed me my jacket. "Stop worrying and go to work. He's fine in our hands." 

"We'll see you later, Icchi." 

I squeezed Tokiya's hand as I struggled to leave him. It's so hard. My love is sick and suffering. How am I supposed to leave? 

Ren dragged me back to the car after constant reassurance that he would be fine. It seemed in the time we sat there waiting, half the snow had cleared. The roads seem to have more cars as well. I wondered if filming was back on but I hadn't received a text from the director yet. 

"Did Otoya say what the shoot was for?" 

"White day photos was all he said." 

Oh yeah. That's coming up real soon. I wonder if I should do anything for Tokiya?

\------

"Syo-chan!!! Too cute!" 

Natsuki jumped on Syo; hugging him after he walked out in his white suit. He definitely looked good in white. 

"It really _suits_ you," Ren chuckled as Syo struggled to get out of Natsuki's grasp. 

"Go to Hell, Ren!" 

When did Ren come to enjoy such puns? 

Otoya and Cecil just giggled in the corner at Syo's reaction. Really. They're not even dressed yet. We're running behind. 

Staring at the mirror, I adjusted the tie and straightened the jacket. My mind kept wandering back to my boyfriend. Not only are we working without him, but it's also nearly white day and he's sick. I'm so worried. 

"By the way, Masa," Syo asked as he pushed Natsuki away. "What happened with Tokiya?" 

"He...his fever was high," I muttered in explanation; struggling not to look upset. "So he's seeing a doctor." 

"The senpais are with him?" 

"That's correct." 

"Do you think there is something we can do for him?" 

"Hmmm...treat him like normal, I suppose," I muttered as I tried to think. "He thinks that he's causing trouble for everyone. I think he just wants to be part of STARISH like before he got sick."

"He's so hard on himself," Natsuki sighed as helped tie Otoya's tie. Normally, he would get Tokiya to assist him with things like that. "He's not doing anything wrong. Getting sick wasn't his fault." 

"It's really affecting him," Ren agreed as he finally started changing into his suit. As usual, he's the last one dressed. 

"We need to cheer him up somehow," Otoya stated as we walked towards the indoor garden set. 

_No, Otoya... That's my job._

\----- 

"Masa! Your phone!" 

_Huh? Oh_! I didn't even notice it vibrating on the table.  

My heart stopped as I didn't know how to react. It's Tokiya. Tokiya is calling me. Not the senpais. That could be good or bad.

"Tokiya. What's happening?" 

All the other members' eyes turned towards me at the mention of his name. 

"We just got out," he sighed; sounding absolutely exhausted. "And we're heading back to the apartment." 

"Did you find out what was wrong?" 

"They said it's most likely just the weather that caused the spike in fever," he explained over the voices of Quartet Night. "They have me on some antibiotics and I'm back on bed rest." 

"So it's nothing to worry about?" 

"No. I'll be fine soon." 

"Can I see you?"

It was risky to ask in front of everyone but I was really worried about him. I missed him. I want to see him and hold him. Make sure everything is okay. 

"Kotobuki said you guys should come over for movie night." 

"I'm sure they would like that."

"We'll meet you there." 

I couldn't help but sigh as he abruptly hung up. 

"So what's going on?"

"We've been invited over for a movie night." 

"That'll be fun," Otoya cheered as he unbuttoned his vest. "Plus we can check on Tokiya." 

"We should hurry up and go over then."

And that's exactly what we did. We changed back into regular outfits, packed up the suits and jumped into the car.

The scent of pizza immediately hit me as soon as we entered the apartment. They ordered several kinds; enough to feed all eleven of us. A couple of bottles of soda sat next to some paper cups on the counter. Also a bag of chocolate. For Camus, I assume. 

"Tokiya!" 

Otoya skipped over to his roommate on the couch. Tokiya didn't look too amused; not even faking a smile. That is until I sat next to him.

"Are you feeling any better?" 

"A little," he replied, though he didn't sound much better.

"You look tired," Natsuki noted with concern but didn't dare press him further. 

"It's been a long day…" 

"Everyone grab a plate," Reiji announced as he started serving himself. "I want to get the movie started." 

I made a plate for myself but I couldn't talk Tokiya into eating any. He said the medicine wasn't agreeing with his stomach. But agreed to at least have some tea. We sat together on the loveseat while Camus, Ren and Ai sat on the other couch. Ranmaru was nestled into his armchair; glad to be away from Reiji who is on the floor. Natsuki, Syo, Cecil and Otoya joined him around the coffee table. 

As always, Kotobuki-senpai picked a horror movie. Myself, Tokiya, Camus and Ai have no interest. Ranmaru is not afraid of much but jumps occasionally. Reiji is our resident screamer. Natsuki and Syo take turns jumping onto each other. Otoya has mixed reactions while Cecil is confused and asking questions. 

It's not even fifteen minutes into the movie and I'm already bored. Mikaze-senpai is already on his laptop. Camus is eating chocolate instead of pizza. Reiji's already in Ranmaru's lap at the first jump scare. Why must he always pick them then immediately scream?

But what I wasn't expecting was for Tokiya to cuddle up to me in front of everyone. He slumped over and rested his head on my collar bone. I moved my arm so it was around him. His eyes didn't take long to close themselves. 

If I were smart, I would have kept quiet. No one seemed to have noticed. We could have just cuddled until one of them looked this away. But no. I couldn't help the quiet chuckle as my lover falls asleep on me. It's unlike Tokiya. Which is why it's so adorable. 

Majority of the room looked this away to see what I was amused by. 

"Aw! Tokki's sleeping face is so cute!" 

"I'm surprised to see him cuddle," Ai noted, despite all the cuddling they did with Tokiya earlier. 

"He's pretty exhausted," Camus pointed out; looking about to raise himself from the chair. 

"I think I should get him into bed," I muttered quickly as I gently touched his face. "Tokiya. Let's get you into bed." 

"Huh?" 

His eyes opened as he lifted his head from my shoulder.  He wasn't asleep long but he looked like he had been deeply asleep. He's not really aware of what's going on. 

"I'll take you to bed." 

"Mmm...yes, Masa…" 

I couldn't help but laugh once more. I know he's not aware of his surroundings or what I'm saying. But he knows it's me and that's adorable in itself. 

With my assistance, he pulled himself up and shuffled into Ranmaru's room. Ren and Reiji were laughing at the sight. Mostly because he's a little out of it. I think it's cute. Especially since he's depending on me to get him into bed. 

But now, we are alone. 

"Are you sleepy, my love?" 

"Mmm... yeah…" 

I sat down next to him; stroking his cheek. His skin is unusually warm. I'm still worried about him but I'm glad he's finally able to get some sleep. 

"Hey…Masa…" 

"Yes?" 

"I'm sorry…" 

That made me decide to crawl under the blanket and cuddle with him for a while. "For what?" 

"Making you...worry…"

"I forgive you, I promise."

His eyes fluttered open as I cupped his face in my hands. "When I'm better...I really should take you out...on a date…" 

"And when are you going to find time in our schedules to do so?" 

"My first empty slot is yours." 

"Looking forward to it," I chuckled while moving one of my hands to hold onto his. "What do you want to do?" 

"Hmmm... dinner and a movie sounds boring…" 

"You think?" 

"Yeah…" 

"Well, I'd prefer to go to a cafe." 

"Tea and share a slice of cake?" 

"That sounds perfect." 

Yet neither of us really eat sweets.

"It's a date…" 

"A date," I repeated; squeezing his hand gently. 

He's gone quiet now so I thought he had fallen asleep. 

"Masa?" 

"Hmmm?" 

"I love you." 

He immediately fell asleep after getting that out. With a quiet chuckle, I kissed his burning forehead. 

"I love you too." 

\----- 

"Guess I'm sleeping on the couch tonight," Ranmaru groaned as he returned to Reiji on the armchair. Or rather sat on him. Not on his lap. Definitely on him. 

"Ran-Ran, you're heavy!" 

The ice jerk turned and looked back at him. "Why?" 

"Both Tokiya and Masa are asleep in my bed." 

"How adorable," he mused with a light chuckle. It's out of character for the two of them. 

"Easy for you to say! It's not your bed!!" 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Tokiya. You know I love you, right?


	14. Full Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Masato and Tokiya go on that date they planned...but their alone time is not what they planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I 100% wrote most of this fic in my Ai cosplay while sitting in a convention food court. I pretty much spent the whole con writing it. Even started the new chapter of Useless. As Ai. Reading over Pointless as Ai was interesting though. 
> 
> Why is every time I plan to write a fluffy chapter, Masato winds up doing something crazy?

"Kiss me then!

My hand cupped her face, tilted her head and leaned in closer. Her lips quivered in anticipation. I'm moving slowly just to tease her. I could feel her hands taking hold of my shirt. Our lips are just a centimetre apart-

"And cut!" 

We immediately let go of each other and pulled away for the hundredth time today. Somehow most of our romance scenes are being filmed in one day. I've had to fake kissing her so many times between rehearsals, filming and retakes. And that's just today! 

"I'm surprised I haven't gotten laid yet," Aiya giggled as we headed back to the dressing space. We're filming outside today so we're sharing a tent for changing and breaks. "With how many times you've kissed me today."

"I'm not that kind of actor," I muttered; looking away with a red face. She's normally very shy and sweet so I didn't expect that kind of joke from her. 

"True. True."

I didn't respond to her teasing; checking my phone for any impromptu work texts. Nothing. Thank God. 

"Wow," Aiya squealed quietly for some reason. "He's so hot!" 

I looked up to see Tokiya chatting with some female staff members. They must have stopped him on his way to our tent. He's so polite; smiling and responding to their chatter.  

"He's even hotter in person," Aiya continued as she grabbed my arm. 

"He is," I replied without a second thought; agreeing because he's mine. Whoops. 

Thankfully, it went unnoticed. She's too busy staring at him. Though I couldn't help but admire him too. She's not wrong. He's gorgeous. 

"Oh, Ichinose! What are you doing here?" 

"My shoot was nearby so I figured we can head back to the agency together." 

We're acting like this is a surprise. In reality, we've been planning this all week. 

It had been two weeks since Tokiya fell asleep in my arms. With medicine and sleep, he finally started to feel better. The colour in his face returned. His dark circles aren't such a strong hue anymore.  And his voice sounded more like his normal self. He even started to go back to work. Just small stuff. He did his white day photoshoot; looking stunning in that white suit. Shining also had him starting to learn our new song. He's not happy at the slow progress but nothing can be done. Tokiya is doing the best he can to sing and dance but it's not the same. He can't just immediately throw himself into it like before. Doctor's orders. Otherwise, he would sing non-stop. 

And today, he just finished work. 

"That aid campaign for that new palette?" 

"Yeah."

"Oooh," Aiya replied; eager to actually talk to him. "Are you wearing it?" 

"Actually I'm applying it onto a model," he explained with a gentle smile. 

"I can't wait to see it!" 

I grabbed my phone and my bag; swinging it over my shoulder. "Sorry to keep you waiting." 

"Ready?" 

I replied with a nod. 

"It was nice to finally meet you, Aiya," he stated politely before we started walking out. 

I thanked the staff as we passed them; watching them stare at Tokiya. He's definitely gotten the attention of every female on set. The worst one? The male lead actor. He's head over heels for him. 

We're in public now so we can't hold hands as we walked down the sidewalk. Our disguises were too simple. People walking past would recognize us; whispering to their friends. It's nothing we aren't used to. That doesn't bother me. It's more not being able to act like a couple. Not being able to go on a date. A real date. Not hiding in my room when Ren is gone for a few hours. Or using a practice room and getting interrupted. 

"How did your filming go?" 

"Fine." 

"Did you feel okay?" 

"Yes," he sighed as he looked in the other direction. "I didn't have to do much. Say a few lines, brush on some eyeshadow on a girl and smile. No singing or major movement involved." 

"I know, I know. It's my job to be worried." 

"I am a case for worry." 

"This is technically a date so you should smile for me, beautiful," I teased after his second sigh. I didn't like the way he felt about the situation. 

He rolled his eyes but gave into me. "That line sounded more like Ren than needed." 

"Disgusting. I don't want to be compared to Jinguji." 

He finally cracked into a smile for me. Sorry, Ren. It's at your expense but it's worth it for that grin. 

He held open the cafe door for me; always the gentleman. It was busier than we had anticipated. Most of the tables were filled. Crap. Easier to be spotted that way. Especially when the only open table is in view of the front window. But neither of us had the will to track down another place so we took that table. He grabbed his songbook out of his bag; laying it on the table. This way people would think we are working. Not on a date. 

The waitress approached us shyly; asking what we would like. 

"Lemon tea." 

"Green tea, please. And a slice of cake." 

"Would you like one too?" 

"No, just two forks will be fine," Tokiya replied with a gentle smile. He's trying to make it seem like it's just two friends. Not boyfriends. Not lovers. Co-workers just enjoying a quick break. Enjoying the nice atmosphere to get some work done.

"Sure. Okay. Can do."

She hurried off behind the counter to grab our order. 

"Green tea," she announced as she placed the teacup in front of me. "Lemon tea and a slice of cake with two forks. Anything else?" 

"No, we're good." 

She nodded with a smile; leaving to attend to her other tables. The place is crowded but not overly noisy. We could still have a decent conversation.

"How was filming today?" 

"It figures that today would be the day you came to the set," I mused; trying to act cool but I know my cheeks were rosy. 

"Why's that?" 

"The director decided we would film most of the kiss scenes today." 

"I see," he chuckled like my embarrassment was amusing to him. "Did you think of me when you kissed her?" 

I didn't expect him to say that. Especially not in public. It was quiet enough that only I could hear it. It didn't mean it wasn't extra embarrassing. 

"No... because I knew I couldn't do it tonight…" 

He gave him that grin. That stupidly sexy grin. The one that makes my heart skip a beat. The one that makes me want him. Curse him and all his damn hot faces! 

"Fair point."

"Don't tease me!" 

"Sorry. I couldn't help myself."

If we weren't in public, I'm pretty sure he would say "because you're too cute" or something. Something Jinguji would say but he'd be more embarrassed to say it.  Cute, hot and less annoying.

I picked up my fork and dragged it through the cake. She had given us a blueberry cake. It's not an overly sweet cake with a lot of frosting. I wonder if the waitress was a fan and knew that neither of us is a big sweet eater. I never specified what kind of cake. Just a slice of cake.

"How is it?"

"It's good. Not too sweet." 

"That's good," he replied as he grabbed his own forkful. 

"What do you think?" 

"Hmm...it's good...tastes nice with the lemon tea." 

"Really?" 

He pushed his mug over for me to try. I can tell by his expression, he was tempted to feed me. Alas, we are in public. Plenty of tables already had their eyes on us. That would be way too risky for either of us. Instead, I just took a forkful on my own and tasted it with the tea. Lemon and blueberry really do go well together. 

"Oh. That's delicious," I replied as I pushed the tea back to him. "The sweetness of the blueberries with the sourness of the lemon. It's a great combination." 

"Blueberry lemon sounds like an excellent tea flavour."

"Agreed."

He didn't say much else but watched me finish off the cake. His lips were formed into the sweetest smile. I feel like it's the look of _God, I love him_ but hopefully, no one else sees it that way. 

But that expression is dangerous. Tempting. It makes me want him to kiss me. Like a lot. 

"Masa! Tokiya!" 

"Unpleasant," Tokiya muttered as he looked up to see Otoya and Ren walking up to us.

“We saw you in the window,” Otoya explained with his usual cheerful grin. “What are you doing here?” 

“We just stopped by for a cup of tea,” I replied, trying to act like normal. “Before heading back to the agency.” 

“Then we can walk back together!”   
  
“Alright.”

I’m pretty sure Tokiya was using sipping his tea to hide his grimace. We were really hoping going out would help with the interruptions but alas not. He’s disappointed. He wanted nothing more than to take me out on a proper date but our job keeps getting in the way. Especially with two more idols adding to the attention gathering. 

“We should get going,” Ren noted as he glanced around the cafe. Pretty much every table was staring at us and whispering. 

“Agreed.” 

We paid, left a nice tip and hurried out of the cafe. I know there will most likely be pictures online tonight. Praying for nothing incriminating. Now I’m questioning why we thought going out in public was a good idea. How did we think that we could get away with it? 

“Do you have any plans tonight, Masa?” 

“I do not.” 

“I was thinking of trying another game night,” Otoya mused as we reached the hallway outside our dorms. “Natsuki wants us to try playing LIFE this time.” 

“As long as Jinguji doesn’t cheat this time.” 

“When do I ever cheat?” 

“Every single damn time,” Tokiya countered in annoyance at Ren’s jovial attitude. His mood has turned quite sour during the journey back home. 

“What can I say? I like to win!” 

“Really?” 

“No. He just loves to start drama!”

“You clearly do.” 

“Icchi is a bad mood today,” Ren observed as Tokiya continued to scowl in his direction. “What happened?” 

_Aside from interrupting his date?_

“I’m really tired tonight so I’ll skip the endless fighting that is STARISH game night.”

Now that I look more closely at his face, he did seem more tired. I wondered if he was struggling to sleep again. Or maybe if going back to work was wearing him out? 

“Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine, Masa,” he assured me with a gentle pat on the shoulder. “I’m just tired. I’ll be back to normal soon enough.” 

“Good,” Jinuji chuckled as he reached to ruffle Tokiya’s hair but the other dodged the incoming hand. “I’m tired of dealing with bitchy Icchi.” 

“Icchi is just tired of dealing with you,” he immediately snapped back at Ren’s teasing. Jinguji just never learns. 

“I think Tokiya needs to rest,” I interjected as I nudged Otoya closer to him and grabbed onto my roommates’ arm. “You take him inside. I’ll take care of this idiot!” 

“Kay!” 

“Who are you calling an idiot?” 

“You obviously,” I muttered as I dragged him into our room. “Can you please stop riling him up?” 

“You know I'm just teasing him. He always reacts well!” 

“You’re going too far.” 

“How is teasing him lightly too far?” 

“Will you just promise me you’ll stop?” 

Jinguji looked into my pleading eyes and immediately looked away. It’s rare for him to shut up. Not only that but he’s fidgeting. He never does that. Nothing makes him nervous. Nothing. 

“Alright,” he sighed after a few minutes of silence. “If it will make you happy.” 

“It’s not me you should be worried about.” 

“What is it with you and Icchi?” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“No. Never mind.” 

“It’s not like you to suddenly shut up….” 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll grab Shorty!” 

Don’t worry? Yet he practically ran out of our room.   

Great. Tokiya is unusually cranky and Jinguji is acting weird. Is it a full moon or something? 

Speaking of Tokiya, I'd rather be with him than playing board games. But I promised Otoya I would play. If I bailed, they would be suspicious. But it is very tempting. 

I headed over to the common area to see everyone already there. Natsuki was setting up the game board while Syo had Jinguji confined to the sofa. He's giving him that watchful eye; refusing to allow him to cheat. Poor boy. He really believes he can stop him. No, he's waiting for the perfect opportunity.  Just to piss him off. 

"Hey, Masa!" 

Cecil looked up as he poured a bag of Otoya's chips in a bowl. With his roommate not here, he doesn't have to hide them or feel guilty. 

"If you're here now, all we're missing is Tokiya…" 

"Icchi isn't coming..." 

"He said he was tired," I explained before Jinguji could say something about Tokiya's mood. "And decided to skip game night.” 

“Is he sick?” 

“He said he was just tired.” 

“Well,” Natsuki sighed as he looked up from setting up the pieces. “He did just start going back to work. It’s going to take time for him to get used to it.” 

Syo responded with a shrug. “Probably.” 

There are only four pieces so I immediately bowed out. I’d prefer to watch versus actually playing. Somehow Ren was still a player. Otoya, Ren, Syo and Natsuki were the ones playing. Cecil didn’t understand the rules so he got to be the official wheel spinner.  At least we’re not playing twister. 

 

3

2

1

And

 

“YOU JERK!” 

“What’s the matter, Shorty?” 

“There’s no way he’s not cheating!”   
  
“How do you cheat at LIFE?” 

It wouldn’t surprise me if Ren was cheating but I wasn’t sure if he actually was. Somehow he managed to get rich with the best Career. Otoya and Natsuki were rather uneventful but Syo was struggling. He kept needing to pay Ren and he’s losing his shit. This is why I dread game night. This happens every time. 

None of them are paying the slightest bit of attention to me. Cecil is trying to calm down Syo and assure him he's not helping Ren cheat. Otoya is whining about the pause of the game. The only one who looked my way as I stood up was Natsuki. He gave a nod as he mouthed the word "go." 

I replied with a nod and hurried off to Tokiya's room; knocking on the door. No answer. Was he asleep already? Even for Tokiya, I doubt it. 

On the second knock, the door started creaking open. That Otoya is famous for not closing the door all the way so it is easily opened from the outside. Tokiya lectures him about probably at least once a week. I don't know if he would make a better roommate than Ren. 

I opened the door slowly; peaking in to see if he was asleep. He wasn't there. Not even in the room but I could hear the water running. He must have decided to take a shower before crawling into bed. Closing the door behind me, I stepped into the room. Tokiya is back so the room is organized once again. Everything is in its place. Minus some papers he had on his bed. I was tempted to move them but then I had an idea.

 A very foolish idea. 

Everyone is busy at the moment. We're all alone in here. I could just lock the door. Tokiya always told his roommate if he didn't close the door, he would lock him out…

...no, I'm not brave enough to do something like that…

But I am brave enough to open the bathroom door. He didn't seem to hear the door or he didn't react. Maybe he thought it was just Otoya. 

This is a very stupid idea. The stupidest idea I ever had. What happened to all my brain cells? 

Oh yeah. They melted whenever he kissed me. 

I took a deep breath and pulled my sweater over my head. He didn't notice so I continued stripping. What is wrong with me? 

I reached over to grab the shower curtain but my hand was shaking. How did I think I could do this? 

As if by magic, the shower curtain moved back. A slender arm reached to grab a bottle off the side of the tub. The curtain didn't move back but I remained unnoticed. I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack. This is so stupid. Idiotic. How did I think I could do this?

But what's worse? That or standing naked in someone else's bathroom? 

As dumb as it is, I stepped over the rim where the curtain was exposed. He didn't turn around at all. Did he not notice? Did he not hear me step into the tub? How? 

But that also left him exposed to me. 

Completely. 

I couldn't resist. Why not? After all, I already snuck into his room, stripped and entered his shower! Why not throw all caution and/or brain cells into the wind? 

My hand went straight for the beautiful bottom in front of me. 

"Fuck!" 

I'm not sure if I ever heard Tokiya swear. He quickly turned around to see his attacker; his heartbeat much more obvious. 

"You scared the hell out of me!" 

"I apologize. That wasn't my intention." 

_And what was my intention?_

"Masato Hirijikawa! What are doing, sneaking into people's showers?" 

I really wanted to laugh. Maybe it was my nerves. Or how stupid this situation was. But the way Tokiya is lecturing me like he's serious but we both know he's not. He's still panting and trying to catch his breath from being startled. 

“You’ve become rather bold,” he muttered as he pulled me into his arms and whispered into my ear. "And rather naughty."

"You can punish me if you wish." 

"Perhaps I should." 

The smirk on his face was the sexiest thing I have ever seen; completely taking my breath away.

"If only we had more time," he muttered as he held me close for a minute. "For what I would like to do to you." 

_Disappointing. But he's not wrong. We don't have time to get frisky._

"I do hope we have time for a kiss," I sighed as I cupped his face. 

He smiled before tilting into my kiss. I could taste the honey on his breath. It tasted so sweet that I wanted more. 

"Should we take this outside?"

"Yeah." 

He turned the water off and stepped out first before guiding me out. I grabbed his towel; running it down his chest.

"Don't tempt me, Masa…" 

"Kisses only," I teased as I dried the rest of him off. 

He scowled at me; grabbing the towel and doing the same for me. We quickly changed into our clothes before heading back into the room. He moved the papers away from his bed for me to sit down. 

"What were you working on?" 

"Oh, these? Just some drawings." 

"Can I see?" 

He handed them to me to ruffle through the pages. Such beautiful sketches. Full pages of cherry blossoms blooming off branches. He told me he drew occasionally but I have never seen any of his work before.

"Wow, Tokiya! These are stunning!"

"You think so?" 

"I do! It's very pretty! Will you draw something for me?" 

"If you would like me to. What do you want me to draw?" 

"Surprise me." 

"Okay…" 

I put the papers aside so I could cuddle up to him. He lowered his head so our lips met; tasting that sweetness again. His arms wrapped around my side to keep me close to him. We're both warm from the shower; feeling hot between each other. My lips felt like they were burning as he pressed onto mine. I parted them in invitation for his tongue. He complied to my wish; teasing me with his own. My hand slid up his shirt; his skin feeling like fire against my fingers.  

 

We pulled away to catch our breath. Only to immediately kiss again. His hand pulled me close; gripping onto my back. I could feel slight pressure from his fingertips; urging me to come closer. If that's even possible. Our lips are tangled within each other. He's holding me so tightly. We can't pull apart. We are in need of each other. Desperately. 

I shivered as his hands slid down my pants; cupping my bottom. We don't have time to play but that didn't stop him from feeling me up. Especially while kissing me so roughly. The only thing covering my moans was his mouth. 

His moved his mouth down to my neck; kissing it there.

"Mmmm...Tokiya...mor-" 

_Ring!_

"Damn," he muttered; letting go of me so I could grab my phone. 

"What is it, Jinguji?" 

"Where did you go?" 

"I didn't feel like watching you fight so I left." 

"Game night is over. I'm about to walk back to the room." 

"Okay," I sighed unable to hide my disappointment. "Alright...I guess I'm going back to my room-" 

As soon as I hung up the phone; Tokiya slammed me against the wall. He showed no hesitation for one last kiss. A long rough kiss. 

"Goodnight, beautiful." 

"Goodnight, my love." 

I hurried back to my room; trying to hide how red my face must be.

 

\-----

 

"What did you do last night, Masa?" 

Otoya sat next to me at the dressing table while the stylist fussed around with his hair. 

"I decided to have a nice soak in the shower," I replied; my acting skills coming in handy.  Though it was difficult to hide the memory of a hot shower with Tokiya. And I'm not referring to the water.

"It surprised me when you left," he whined with that signature pout of his. 

"Sorry. I'm not really interested in playing or fighting. It's not that I don't want to be with you guys." 

"What about you, Tokiya? You didn't come to game night either!" 

"Was I not reading in bed when you came back?" 

"Were you doing that the whole time?" 

"I told you I was relaxing so I could get a good rest." 

"Do you feel better today?" 

"Better rested." 

He gave me a wink which Otoya couldn't see. Yeah. He slept better. Because of me. 

"At least you're not as cranky," Ren agreed while he buttoned up his shirt behind us. 

_Yeah. That's also because of me._

Syo was helping Cecil with his accessories in the mirror next to Ren.

"Do you ever think you're are just annoying?"

"I think I'm pretty wonderful, Shorty!" 

"In one ear and out the other."

Syo huffed in frustration but ignored Ren to help finish Natsuki's outfit. 

"Are we ready?" 

"Let's go." 

We walked together onto the set. They had me sitting in a chair. Tokiya was leaning against the wall. Ren sat at my feet. We took various photos like that before switching out for the other four. 

"Next!" 

We took some group shots all around a cage in the center of the set. The garden background would be edited in later. 

"Tokiya! Try putting your arm around Masto!" 

I felt his arm curl around my waist. 

_Calm down, Masa. This is work. A photoshoot. You're surrounded by staff and bandmates. It's not flirting. He's just doing what the photographer asked for._

"You know what! We need shots of those two!" 

The photographer keeps calling out orders so his staff had to direct us. He decided that we needed partner shots. Myself and Tokiya. Together. How did we end up holding each other's hands up and staring into the other's eyes? 

_Don't you dare blush, Masato!_

"Perfect," the photographer called out as he took several pictures around us. "Such professionals. They look really in love!" 

_Why did he have to say that?_

Tokiya was able to ignore it. I wasn't. The colour in my cheeks is rising. But that didn't seem to stop the photographer. Only encouraged him. He had me posing all around Tokiya. Like a lot. 

"Great work! You boys take five!" 

And by five, it's more like half an hour. He had to take a lot of shots of the other boys. I followed Tokiya back to our dressing room; grabbing a seat at the vanity. 

"That was intense," he groaned as he grabbed the water bottle from his bag. 

"Agreed. I thought we might get found out!" 

"Hush. We'll be alright. We're professionals." 

"I know... but that didn't stop me from wanting you to kiss me." 

He reached for my hand; tracing circles on my skin with his thumb. 

"If my dear Masa wishes it," he mused in a gentle whisper. "Then I shall give you many kisses when we get back home." 

How red was my face just then?

"Will you?" 

He nodded; drawing a heart on my hand. 

"Alright then." 

 that was really more of a yes please but he knows what I truly meant. 

We have all this time together but we cannot kiss or do anything really. Can't talk about us. Not at all. We can talk about work or something but nothing else. 

"How are you feeling today, by the way?" 

"I'm doing better today," he replied as he absentmindedly doodled shapes on my hand. "It doesn't hurt to sing anymore." 

"That's good. Does it still hurt to breathe?" 

"Occasionally."

"I'm still worried about you," I sighed; habitually checking him for a fever. 

He pressed his forehead against my hand. He's warm but not burning like a few weeks ago.  I am relieved but I can't help but fear something will happen again. Quartet Night refused to tell me any more of his health and warned me not to ask him. I've become more afraid of the answer. It might be better for me not to know after all. 

I couldn't resist wrapping my arms around him. I wanted to hold my poor boy that is until-

"What are you two up to?"

The door opened so Natsuki and Syo stepped inside. 

"Nothing. You guys done with your shoot?" 

"Yeah," Syo groaned as he slouched himself into a chair. "Finally." 

"At least when the other three are done," Natsuki reassured him; hovering over the shorter idol. "We can go home. The photographer decided we had enough shots of the seven of us."

"I am relieved," Tokiya replied though I am the only one who knows why. 

"Any plans for tonight?" 

"I wanna make cupcakes," Natsuki mused as he nuzzled Syo under his chin. 

"I guess my night is shot," Syo groaned; too tired to fight him off. "You two have any plans?" 

"I'm debating between practicing or just reading tonight," Tokiya explained before finishing his water bottle.

"Finally done," Ren groaned as the rest of the entered the dressing room. "I just wanna crash in my bed!" 

_Well, that leaves out my room._

"Tokiya," Otoya cheered as he grabbed onto his roommate. "Let's go to the gym tonight!" 

"You realize I'm not up to exercise yet, right?" 

"I know but I want to do something with you!" 

"I'm sorry I cannot do things like that yet but don't stop for my account." 

"I'll go with you," Cecil innocently offered with a hand on the others shoulder. 

"Okay, sure!" 

Otoya sounded rather disappointed. Not that it's Tokiya's fault. Or even Cecil's. He can barely dance yet let alone jog or lift weights. If he asked him to do something less strenuous, Tokiya would have said yes. It's hard to disappoint Otoya. I know he feels awful about him. Within him getting sick and Otoya blaming himself for it. Oh, those two. 

But that leaves us alone. In Tokiya's room. Again. 

"What about you, Masa?" 

"I promised to help Tokiya with the new song if he feels well enough to practice," I explained; trying to cover it up but not try and sneak around them. 

"Sounds like everyone has plans for tonight," Natsuki mused with a cheerful grin. "I'll make cupcakes for you all!"

"Unnngh why?!?!?"

 

\---------

 

"Umm...wow…" 

I stood in front of the door with a grin. Tokiya stared at me with his mouth wide open. I may have decided to mess with him a little. Ren immediately passed out as soon as we got back to the dorm. Leaving me alone and waiting for Otoya to go. So I put on one of the outfits from the drama; tight black, ripped jeans and a tight-fitting t-shirt. It didn't really matter I didn't have muscles for it. Not to him anyway. 

"What's gotten into you lately?" 

"Whatever do you mean?"

_Oh, I knew exactly what he meant._

"Must you be so tempting?" 

"Well, we have a few hours alone…" 

He grabbed my hand and pulled me so our chests were pressing up against each other. His other hand rested on the small of my back. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I stared into his gorgeous eyes.  There's so much love there. I can see it. I can feel it. He's damn crazy about me. 

And he makes me crazy. Clearly, if the shower was any indication. 

He leaned in closer so our lips could meet. Slow and gentle unlike yesterday. He may have kissed first but he's not taking the lead. No, he wants me to this time. 

My fingers cupped his face as I pulled his head down; our kiss getting rougher. I urged his lips to part and he obeyed my wish; slipping my tongue past.  His fingers twisted into the hem of my shirt as I nipped his lower lip. I trailed my hands down to his neck; pulling down the zipper of his sweater. But I wasn’t satisfied with that. I moved my lips away so I could pull his shirt over his head. He raised a brow but complied with whatever I wanted. And what I wanted was to feel that beautiful torso in my hands.  

My lips pressed gently on his own as I dragged my fingers along his skin. The stitches were gone. I couldn't feel them anymore. Nothing more than an ugly scar marking my love. He shivered at my touch but I know he wasn't complaining. Not when I'm coming onto him. 

"Lay down."

He opened his mouth to ask why but decided against it and laid down. He is at my mercy tonight and he's well aware of it. Is it payback for our date being interrupted? Maybe. Is it that I'm losing my mind? Absolutely. 

I laid myself down on top of him; lowering my head so my lips made contact with his skin. He accidentally let out a moan as my lips touched the scar. This satisfied me immensely. I wanted to hear it more. Again. I kissed all around the scar without touching it directly. He's shivering; biting his lip so he doesn't make a noise. That is until I dragged my tongue along the line of it. 

"Masa…I...love you.."

I lifted my head to peck his lips. "I love you too." 

My heart completely melted at the sight of his gentle smile. He's so happy right now. 

"I thought I was supposed to be kissing you…" 

"I cannot resist you, you know." 

"What a coincidence," he chuckled as he cupped my bottom in his hands. "I cannot either." 

Our lips slammed down on each other; no longer caring for sweet touches. His hands aggressively squeezed my cheeks as our bodies rubbed against each other. Even our legs were tangled together. We couldn't be any closer but that didn't stop me from trying. 

He had to break away to catch his breath. A little sooner than usual. 

"You okay?" 

"Nothing will stop me from kissing you," he panted but never let go of my bottom. 

"True...you do love to kiss me…" 

"That I do," he replied before pulling my face back for another kiss.  

 

\-----

 

"Tooookiiiyaaaaa!" 

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?" 

I had to hold back a laugh at my lover's childish response. It's not like him to do that. Maybe it's because I can't tell if he's in a good mood or just annoyed. It's not like we didn't have a good time together. But Otoya may have swung the door open mid-kiss. 

That was fun; quickly trying to pull away and remove his hands my pants before he could see. 

He just had to finish early. Hopefully, Jinguji won't wake up tonight. I'm going to need some relief. My poor love isn't getting any. He'll just have to suffer… 

"How's the new song coming along?" 

"I'm getting there," he explained as leaned back against his headboard. 

"I'm sure with Masa teaching you, you'll have it down in no time!" 

"He certainly is an excellent teacher," he mused, though, in reality, he was teasing me. 

"I am glad to be of service to you, Ichinose," I teased him right back. 

Oblivious Otoya has no idea. 

"How was the gym?" 

Tokiya clearly needed to change the subject with both us sporting rosy cheeks. 

"Good. Lifted some weights with Kurosaki-senpai." 

"Was he there too?" 

"He was doing pushups when we walked in," he laughed throughout his explanation. "Ai-senpai was sitting on his back with his laptop. Completely unbothered." 

"Senpai is quite strong," I chuckled as I could picture the situation. 

"Yeah. Reiji-senpai also tried to climb on. It got messy so we left early." 

"That sounds like Kotobuki." 

"He would do something like that." 

"Totally!" 

I checked the alarm clock on the nightstand.  

9:30

It's getting late and I still need to shower. And Tokiya should be resting. Especially after all our activity. 

"Are you heading out, Masa?" 

"Yeah. I'd like to have a shower before bed." 

"Kay, Night, Masa!" 

"Goodnight, Masato." 

"Goodnight, Otoya...Tokiya." 

Leaving was hard but the bulge in my pants made it easier to hurry. I crept into my room; seeing Jinguji snoring away. Perfect. 

The hot water rained down on me as I pressed my back against the wall. My hands went down instinctively as I could still breathe in his scent. Could still feel his touch on my skin. His lips mixing up with mine. That sweet taste. 

"Tokiya…"

  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have literally spent hours deciding what showers to use in the Agency thanks to this fic. We've come full circle now. Started with them making out in the shower, Masato getting into his shower and relieving himself in the next shower. Fluff. I wanted this chapter to be pure fluff and cute date. Haha nope. The last I time I planned for a fluffy chapter, Masato got bent over a piano. I'm beginning to question what I'm doing with my life. As I sat as their senpai, writing them in the shower. 
> 
> ps. sorry if I missed any mistakes, Grammarly stopped working all of the sudden and I lost my patience with editing.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going back to work might not be as easy as Tokiya thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I disappeared for a bit. After the last chapter, I lost my confidence. Then started a new fic that I'm not confident; taking up some of my time.

"WELCOME STARISH!!!" 

_ Welcome to my garden, princess~  _

The applause was thunderous even though it's a small audience. The new song was going over well. Many cheers filled the event space. We're standing on the stage as we stared up at the end excited fans. a special stage event for our new song. After months of work, being able to perform the song with all seven members again feels amazing. We're panting heavily but it's all worth it to see their smiling faces. 

The lights dimmed as another melody came through the speakers. The second song of a five-song set. 

"I need you...S…" 

"I feel you ...T…"

“I miss you...A…”

“I kiss you...R

“I believe you...I…” 

“I hold you...S…”

"I want you…H…" 

……

"Give me. Give your love. Give me ah…" 

"Dance and da-" 

Tokiya burst into a cough before getting the second dance out. The next line was his but he couldn't make it in time. Otoya and I continued the next two lines but he couldn't stop the fit that was incoming. It sounded awful through his mic piece. The fans were gasping and looking full of concern. 

I took his hand in mine; motioning for the others to continue performing while I take him backstage. A staff member quickly removed his microphone while I searched around for his water bottle. I know he was drinking it right before we got on stage but it's not on our dressing room table. Dammit! He needs it now.  

After moving around everyone's bags, I finally spotted the purple bottle lying on the floor. I grabbed it and dashed over to him. He took it gratefully; gulping down the rest of its contents.

"Please get him so more water," I pleaded to the closest staff member. She nodded and hurried to refill his bottle. What water was left seemed to be enough to temporarily soothe his coughs. 

"Are you okay, Tokiya? Can you breathe?" 

He nodded his head; gripping onto my hand. My other hand felt his forehead for a fever. A little warm but not like his last fever. He does look pale but I don't think it's a cold that is causing this. 

"Icchi!" 

"Tokiya!" 

The others rushed to our dressing room; having finished Maji Love 2000%. There are still a few more songs to go but they wanted to see how he's doing. 

"What happened, Tokiya?" 

"I think I might have practiced too much," he muttered as he gratefully took the water bottle from the staff and gulped it down again. 

"I don't think you should go back out there," Ren sighed as he watched Tokiya struggle. And as much as he hated to admit it, Jinguji was right. 

"Can we change the setlist?"

"It's a bit late for that," the event manager grumbled," but considering the circumstances, I'll allow it." 

"Sub in Code T.V.U.," Jinguji ordered as he quickly planned out the change. "And Emotional Life. Let's end the show with the cover of Poison Kiss that we were working on. That should excite the fans enough to make up for it. Just to be sure, Masa, you take Icchi to the hospital." 

Oh. That's why he didn't choose any songs with me in it. I can admit to being relieved. I couldn't perform if I knew Tokiya wasn't well or going back to the hospital. 

"Done! Call their driver! You boys, get back out there and sing!" 

"Yes, sir!" 

The others ran back to occupy the patiently waiting fans. 

"Your driver will be here in five. Try to hold on until then." 

Having finished the second water bottle, Tokiya hid his face in his hands. If there wasn't event staff everywhere, I know he would be crying. He's trying so hard not to. 

"I can't believe I let the fans down again," he muttered into his hands. He sounded so defeated. So unlike himself. 

I wrapped my arms around him; cradling his head and not caring about anyone seeing. "Hush. You didn't let anyone down. You tried so hard for them. They can see that. That's why they will welcome you with open arms when you're ready. You did well today. Don't forget that you couldn't do this weeks ago. But here you are. You made it through one song." 

"Only one…" 

"One is better than none. One will turn into two soon enough. If you're in a hurry to get better, you won't get better." 

"Shining won't be happy…" 

"There's nothing he can do about it. Your health is important too. Don't be stressing so much. I will be with you every step of the way." 

He drew a heart on my palm to say  _ I love you _ since we were surrounded by people. I held him a little tighter to say the same thing. We both know what the other meant. I could just look into his eyes and know he loves me. I love him so much and I hope he knows that. 

Our driver dashed in like something was one my fire. 

"Are you alright, Ichinose? Can you walk?" 

He looks very concerned but I assume he's only been told to take Tokiya to the hospital. He doesn't know what's wrong or what's happening; probably assuming it's a stage injury. 

"I can walk on my own." 

"That's good. Let's get you to the hospital asap." 

 

\----- 

 

"Again, Ichinose?" 

The same doctor from before walked into the room where they were holding Tokiya. He may have been joking around but he didn't look too amused. Neither did my love as his pain is increasing. 

"Let me take a look at you." 

I wasn't allowed to follow Tokiya as they took him out for testing. Sitting back and wondering if he's okay is torturous. I need to know. I'm just praying it's not as serious as before. 

After about forty minutes of walking in a square, the two returned to the room. Tokiya sat back on the bed; never once looking up from the floor. 

"You've strained yourself after I warned you not to," the doctor sighed as he scribbled onto a notepad. "I told you that you could sing one song. Two at the most. Not a whole concert. But I'll prescribe you something to reduce the swelling. Other than that, you need to rest and keep your breathing normal." 

"Is it bad?" 

He turned to me with a very slight smile; recognizing me from the time he collapsed. "No. It's not like before. He just pushed himself too hard is all." 

"What can I do to help him?" 

"Keep him from singing, crying or over-exerting himself. He's not ready for any kind of heavy breathing yet. As much as he's trying to be. Make sure he takes his medication and rests. That's all that can really be done." 

"Alright. Thank you." 

"Now, Ichinose. I don't want to see you again until your checkup in a month. Can you do that?" 

"Masato wouldn't let me mess up again."

"Good," he chuckled and turned back to me. "Don't let him!" 

"I won't. Not again. And I mean it, Tokiya!"

"Yes, sir." 

 

\------ 

 

"Please don't cry, my love." 

A few teardrops landed on the screen as Tokiya stared down at his phone. He has to apologize to the fans. He feels so sorry to them. So guilty. He doesn't know what to say to them. He's feeling so ashamed; letting his health get in the way of the fans. 

"I can't, Masa!" 

I know I'm supposed to stop him but I think he needs to let it out. My arms pulled him closer so he could bury his face in my shoulder. His tears soaked the fabric of my shirt but I didn't care. The sound of his sobbing made my heart shatter. It was like I was the one who suddenly couldn't breathe. It's horrible. I hate every minute of it. There's nothing I can do to make it better. All I could do was to cradle him and let him cry. I don't know if he heard it but I kept telling him how much I love him. 

Still, seeing my calm and collected Tokiya break down like that was devastating. 

"Masato," he mumbled after crying for a long time. 

"Yes?" 

"I love you too." 

So he did he hear me after all. I lifted his head from my shoulder; lowering mine down to kiss him. That was enough to earn me a smile. A tiny smile but nevertheless a smile. 

"Alright," he sighed as he pulled away long enough to grab his phone again. "I think I'm ready." 

"I'm right here," I assured him; not letting go as I watched him type into the STARISH twitter account. 

_ I would like to sincerely apologize to all our fans, especially the ones who have attended our recent shows. Recently, I have been rather unwell. I apologize for not taking better care of myself. I should not have done a lot of the things I had done. I'm so sorry that I let you guys down once again.  I'm very sorry I couldn't be the idol that I'm supposed to be. I appreciate your love and support so much that I'm so angry I let you all down. I promise to make it all up to you. I never want to let you down again. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for failing you. - Ichinose Tokiya.  _

It broke my heart to see how negative he was about himself. He's trying to make it right to the fans but all he can see is that he failed. He's a perfectionist in the worst kind of way. Poor Tokiya. He hasn't let anyone down but he'll never believe that he's good enough. I know it. And it hurts. 

"Masa? Would you still love me even if I can't sing anymore?" 

"What a silly question," I sighed as I embraced him so tightly. "Even if you had no voice, I would still love you all the same." 

"Really?" 

"Of course. But let's not talk like that. You're going to better. I won't allow otherwise."

"Masato...thank you…" 

The only  _ you're welcome  _ needed is a long and gentle kiss. 

 

\----- 

"Tooookiiiyaaaaa! There you are!" 

Otoya and the others came over after finding us in the community kitchen. Tokiya's sitting on a barstool with a mug of tea and a bottle of honey. The kettle is on so he can refill easily; drinking his fifth mug. I'm standing at the stove as I stirred the pot of soup I insisted on making him for dinner. The warm liquid seemed to be soothing his pain and I wanted him to feel better. So I'm making soup and he's not allowed to argue. Not that he can say no to me. 

"We're looking for you," Natsuki whined as they pulled up a seat next to him. 

"Sorry," was all he would reply. 

"Masa," Ren called out to me, knowing talking to Tokiya is _ useless _ . "What did the doctor say?" 

"He just strained himself with practice," I explained as I looked over to them. "He'll be fine. Have you eaten yet? I was making dinner for the two of us." 

"No, we haven't had the chance yet," Syo groaned as he grabbed a glass of water. He's hungry. 

"Alright. I'll cook more so we can all eat together." 

"Thanks, Masa!" 

His soup is almost ready so I need something fast I can make for the rest of us. A stir-fry was the fastest thing I could think of.  Better get some rice going. At least we have a rice cooker. 

"Need any help, Masa?" 

"If you could chop up some vegetables…" 

"On it," Syo replied as he jumped up to chop the vegetables as requested. 

In the meantime, I got the rice going and meat frying. Syo added the chopped up vegetables to the meat while I made a quick sauce. He even helped me serve out plates. 

"That looks so good, Masa," Natsuki mused as the plate was placed in front of him. "I'm so happy! I can't remember the last time we all got to eat dinner together."

"It has been a while," Ren agreed before digging into this plate. 

I noticed Tokiya wasn't talking; staring down at his phone with a sad expression. Opening up my phone, I saw that Shining Agency had made an official statement about today's incident. 

_ I would like to apologize to all the STARISH fans before failing to notice how my idol was feeling. I neglected him and never noticed that he had been falling ill. By the time I realized, he was already sick. I knew but I still pushed him to get better too quickly. It backfired. I apologize. I should have delayed their new songs but I pushed forward. I won't make this mistake again. I promise to take better care of all my idols. I apologize again and hope I can make it up to the amazing fans someday. - President Shining.  _

Now the president is blaming himself and that just made Tokiya feel even worse. He truly believes this is all his fault. That he's to blame. He shouldn't have gotten sick. Like he could have known ahead of time. 

"How is the soup going down, Tokiya?"

"It's good," he replied as he suddenly looked up and smiled. "Thank you for making it for me." 

"I don't mind at all." 

"You sound a bit better," Otoya noted as he squeezed his roommate's shoulder. "I'm glad." 

"I've had a lot of tea," he replied with a sudden yawn. "Ah. Excuse me." 

"Tired?" 

"More drowsy than anything." 

"The doctor did say the medicine could make you sleepy." 

"There you kids are," Hyuuga called out as he walked into the community kitchen.  

"Were you looking for us, Sensei?"

"Yes. Well, Ichinose, more specifically," he explained as he leaned onto the counter. "Shining sent me to check on you. How are feeling, kiddo?" 

"Better."

"I know that's what you want me to tell Shining," he muttered as he felt his forehead. "But truthfully? You can tell me anything." 

"It still hurts." 

"You don't seem to have another fever," he noted as he pulled his hand away. "I'm worried about you, kid. What did the doctor say?" 

"I need more time to heal." 

"Shining isn't pleased to hear that but I doubt he'll continue to push you after this."

Tokiya looked down at his shoes as soon as he said Shining wasn't pleased. 

"Don't stress so much," Hyugga sighed as patted the younger's shoulder. "Above absolutely everything, your health is more important. If you make yourself worse, then you'll force yourself to quit. Don't let him get to you. He's never had one of his idols get anything more than a fever before. He's just at a loss on what to do."

"It's not like I know either…" 

"That's why you should just rest up," he continued on with his lecture like when he was our teacher. "Relax. Don't stress. Eat properly. Sleep well. Don't work too much." 

"Yes, sir." 

"Good. Now actually do it." 

"That's why he has me," I chuckled; practically reading his mind. 

"Mother Masa and her six hens," Ren teased as he poked my cheek. 

I brushed his hand away but couldn't help laughing at his comment. It's accurate. I do occasionally feel like a babysitter. 

"Take good care of this baby, Masato," he advised before taking off. 

"Am I a baby now?" 

" _ My baby," _ I corrected in a jovial matter; trying to make him laugh. Only he would know what I truly meant. 

He finally cracked a tiny smile as he rolled his eyes. He knew. 

"What about me?" 

"Don't get me started, Cecil." 

That got everyone laughing, even Tokiya. It was nice to feel like a group again. The seven of us. We're not missing one. We're friends. A family. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

"Kurosaki-senpai is waiting for me," Syo announced as he checked his watch. "I'm going to head to the gym now." 

"Later, Shorty." 

"Bye, Syo-chan!" 

He dashed off eagerly to meet up with our senpai. They never have time to get together but Syo looks up to a great deal. I'm pretty sure Kurosaki knows it too. So I'm sure he's trying his best to arrange this time. It made me wonder whether we'll be seeing the rest of them tonight. If they heard about Tokiya, they would come running. Without a doubt. 

Speaking of, Tokiya insisted on doing the dishes. If I told him to rest, he just replied with you first. He's so stubborn. At moments like this, he's being rather childish. Like a baby. And I find it irresistibly adorable. 

Eventually, the others disappeared from the kitchen with their own plans. 

"What would you like to do tonight, Tokiya?" 

"I assume you mean besides you?" 

"Yes," I muttered as I felt the colour rising in my cheeks. 

"I thought about making drawing or reading but I want to be with you…" 

"I can bring my embroidery over if that's what you wish to do," I replied as I brushed my hand against his. We're still in public space so I can't grab his hand. 

"I just feel like sulking…" 

"If that's what you need to do, I will still be by your side." 

"You're too good to me." 

"I told you...you're mine." 

That earned me the biggest smile I've seen in a while. I wanted to kiss him so badly but didn't dare. At least not here. 

"Shall we?" 

"Let's." 

Just in case, I grabbed my embroidery from my room. Ren was there but I just told him I worried about Tokiya being alone. He offered to help but I declined; explaining that he was only going to be reading or resting. I'm only there to keep him company. Ren said okay but then decided he would come to check on us.  _ Of course. _

Tokiya left the door open for me as he sat upon his bed. He had a sketchbook on his lap but he didn't seem all that interested in drawing. I shut the door behind me for one reason only.

"There's something I've been wanting to do for hours…" 

He looked up as I sat myself down on the bed. "And what's that?" 

I leaned forward and gently placed my lips on his. Only I didn't pull away right away. He parted his lips slightly; allowing me to kiss him just a little bit deeper. It more than enough. I could taste the honey even like this. Sweets were never my thing but his lips are so addicting. 

He pulled away with a quiet chuckle. "Is that what you wanted?" 

"Hmmm...one more…" 

He nodded and let me kiss him once more. "I'd ask again but I know you'll just say one more." 

"It seems I have been caught," I mused as I watched move his book aside. 

"Is that your way of saying busted?" 

His laughter was the best sound I've heard all day. All week. I'm glad he can laugh again. Smile again. Despite what he thinks, he is actually getting better. 

He decided he didn't really feel like reading or sketching. Or doing anything really. Even though we were just laughing, he's still bothered about today. It's hard for him to let it go. He's a perfectionist. A workaholic. Someone so passionate about doing what they love. It's so dear to him that he can't stop thinking about it. 

As promised, I didn't move from his side. My fingers were twined together with his; refusing to let go of his hand. He didn't say anything. Just laying there like he's angry at the world. Then again, he probably is. I couldn't do anything one-handed but look at my phone. I couldn't help but reread his post. It broke my heart because I could understand what his words truly meant. He hasn't looked at any comments since he posted it. Or really at his phone. But what else could I do right now? 

Only I didn't see any angry comments. Or any disappointed comments. Nothing about the show being ruined. No in the slightest. 

"My love," I mused as I squeezed his hand; getting him to look up. "You should see this." 

I held my phone up for him to see the fans comments on his post. 

 

_ Feel better soon! _

_ Poor Tokiya! Don't work so hard!  _

_ I'd drive you to the hospital if I could _

_ I hope Masato took him to the hospital.  _

_ He works so hard! Poor thing!  _

_ My mom's soup is the best thing for colds. Here's the recipe.  _

_ Onion syrup is weird but it works for colds _

_ Oh no! I hope he doesn't have a fever!  _

_ Get some rest!!!  _

_ Don't worry about us! Focus on getting better! The songs will turn out more amazing that way!  _

But what made Tokiya tear up was the other comments left by our amazing fans. 

_ Love you, Tokiya!  _

_ I love you!  _

_ We love you!  _

_ We love you so much!  _

_ Love ya! You're the best idol!  _

 

_ Thank you for working so hard for us. We love you so much! Take the time to get better. We'll be waiting for you with open arms. _

I pulled my handkerchief from my pocket; dabbing his tears with the satin fabric. It's funny. This floral print handkerchief was a gift from him. Now I'm using it to calm him. 

"See I told you, you didn't let them down at all." 

"You were right as always."

"You are more loved than you think you are…"

"We have amazing fans," he smiled through his tears. 

"But do you know who loves you the most?" 

"Who?"

My lips landed on his as soon as the question left his mouth. 

"Me..." 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just came from the Utapri movie so I'm crying.


End file.
